Bad Romance
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: Light could have picked another man to sleep with that night but he didn't. L could have turned away and let the other get hurt but he couldn't. Now they were stuck in a dance without an end and neither man knew the steps. The joys of clubbing.
1. Bad Romance

A/N: … … This… is… _different_.

I'm _serious_. Lol.

I meant for this to be a practice lemon and leave it at that, but see, I can't write anything without adding something I like to call a _plot_, so let's name this PWP porn WITH plot and leave it at that. -.-; Yeah.

Please let me know what you guys think; I tried a lot of new stuff here, and quite frankly, criticism with the lemon would be delightful.

And just in case anybody missed it on top-

**THIS IS A YAOI FIC WITH SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO CALL A LEMON ALONG WITH A GOOD HELPING OF SMUT. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO READ LEMONS, YAOI OR SMUT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT READ THIS. SO TURN BACK, I SAY. TURN BACK BEFORE YOU BURN YOUR POOR INNOCENT EYES!**

*Ahem* There. You got your warning. Lol. Oh, and this was kind of inspired by "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, but it kind of doesn't have to do with the song's lyrics but more or less the concept. O.o Yeah, I know. You guys should be used to this by now. Lol.

Remember, feedback would be appreciated!

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note, don't own the song "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga and I don't own this Stride gum I'm currently chewing on. Hm. Minty. :D

* * *

"_I want your ugly,_

_I want your disease, _

_I want your everything as long as it's free; _

_I want your love…_

_(Love, love, love, I want your love)_

_I want your drama;_

_The touch of your hand!_

_I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand;_

_I want your love…_

_(Love, love, love, I want your love)_

_You know that I want you…_

_And you know that I need you…_

_I want it bad-_

_Your bad romance._

_I want your love and _

_I want your revenge,_

_You and me could write a bad romance…_

_I want your love and _

_All your lovers' revenge,_

_You and me could write a bad romance._

_Caught in a bad romance…_

_Caught in a bad romance._"

-"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: **_Bad Romance_**

* * *

'Nothing interesting tonight it seems…'

The strums of music encircled the man as he sipped on his drink, light brown eyes glowing against the strobe lights hitting his face. Carefully going over the sweat-soaked crowd, the man continued his perusal until something (_or someone_) caught his eye-

A smirk overcame his face as he slowly sat up, knowing he had been right in coming into the seedy establishment on this particular night.

Ignoring the ferocity of the stares following his lithe figure, the brunette smoothly slipped through the throngs of people until his target was in sight.

Dark gray eyes caught his own brilliant stare as a shag of midnight-black hair fluttered underneath a small exhalation of breath, smooth pale skin gleaming against the barrage of multi-colored lights.

'_Bingo._' The boy thought as he ignored the half-hearted gropes and tantalizing words sent in his direction, licking his now-smirking lips.

Handing his empty glass to a random person he didn't care to know, he sauntered towards his 'prey' and straightened his sleeveless turtleneck that lay underneath his short leather jacket and dark leather pants, the burgundy color of his top meshing in quietly with the darkness peaking in between the colored lights swirling around the dark room. His belt lay docilely around his waist as the belt connected to it began to jingle with fervor, harmonizing quite beautiful with the smooth taps of his boots. Letting his loose leather jacket fall from his shoulders, he smiled as more eyes swiveled in his direction.

Making his way to the table holding his 'prize', the smooth-faced brunette gave the man now paying attention solely to him a tiny smile, hooded eyes promising more than just simple conversation. Taking in the other's light colored tee-shirt and baggy jeans, he nodded at the change of pace.

It wasn't often that he was attracted to the laid-back type, but sometimes they were the best _type_ to be rid of the extra stress-

He didn't notice the blonde and redhead turn their heads and stare at him as he leaned against the table, too entranced by the paler man's dark gaze. Flicking a random piece of hair away from his eyes, the brunette knew that this one was _different_, even if he only had his placid stare and bland expression to go by.

"Hi."

* * *

The hotel room door shut behind them with a snap as the golden-skinned brunette felt his back roughly connect with the piece of wood, his mouth dropping open in a silent gasp. Trying to control his legs from collapsing underneath him, the tawny-eyed man roughly pressed against the door sighed shakily as his eyes clenched shut, a pair of lips attaching themselves to the pulse of his neck. Hands slowly drifted into the cloud of darkness that made up the other man's hair, another gasp escaping his lips as fingers then began to unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants, writhing a bit as a particularly sensitive spot on his neck was nipped.

"Aren't we such a little _slut_?" The light baritone voice reverberated over the brunette's collarbone, wide gray eyes teasingly meeting coy almond.

"Only when I'm in the mood." The boy answered easily in return, laughing as the jacket and shirt was stripped off of his person. The cool feel of the metal chain and locket that had been hiding underneath his turtleneck brought him back from the brink, even as long fingers pressed against his smooth muscle and bone. "What about you? Surely I'm not the only one without inhibitions seeing as it usually takes at least two people to fuck?"

"But I'm not the one already shirtless, am I?" Before another word could be said, the slightly shorter of the two slipped his hands down from the downy tuft of hair and practically ripped the shirt off of his soon-to-be lover's body. "Or maybe I should amend that comment."

"Yeah…" Laughing lightly, the younger man pushed the man off of him and back onto the bed lying in the middle of the room. Just as the dark-haired stranger kicked off his sneakers, the lighter haired youth did the same with his boots before stepping out of his already-unzipped pants.

"Couldn't wait until you got into the bed?"

"Not really." Watching the other man slowly stalk his way towards the bed, gray eyes traced the fully naked (_and gorgeous_) man and nearly closed in euphoria as skin on skin contact was finally achieved. Cold hands carefully unzipped his own pair of jeans and slid them off of his waist and legs, kissing different variables of snow-white skin as he did so. Gently tugging off the boxers next, the body beneath the playful fingers stiffened at the invading cold now prickling his expanse of skin.

"Cold…" Was what was whispered lightly against the brunette's ears as he made his way back up the thin, almost emaciated body beneath him. "Do you… have…?"

Sandy-brown mixed with ebony-black as the luscious mouth re-claimed the pair beneath them, the stuttering coming to an anxious halt. Pushing himself off of the delicious torso heaving underneath him, the brunette gave the raven-haired man a saucy smile.

"Give me _one se-co-nd_."

Watching the other man's bare bottom sway unconsciously as he picked up his leather pants and brought out a condom from the back pocket, the sensual smile sent in his direction as he tossed the object onto the bed was priceless. However, the paler of the two's mind officially became mush as soon as the brunette trotted over to his discarded jacket and pulled out a bottle of lubricant from one of the inner pockets and grinned.

Well…

At least one of them had planned ahead.

Jumping back on the bed, the snarky brunette almost laughed at the bemused expression settled over the man still prone on the mattress. Instead of letting an insult or a joke fly out of his mouth, the much more mischievous of the two let his thighs fall over either side of the man's sides as he leaned down and kissed him once again, moaning a bit as the lips pressed against his immediately opened and deepened the kiss.

Ripping off the material of the package with his mouth, the pretty brunette raised his eyebrows as he gave the man beneath him a questioning glance-

The condom was ripped from his grasp and carefully slipped on the other's cock as the man on top laughed, amusement pouring from his features. "I _knew it_…"

"What?" Pale skin scrunched up as the man still settled on bottom gave his partner a peculiar look, eyes narrowed and calculating.

"Well, I can spot a control-complex from a mile away…" Winking down at the frowning dark-eyed man, the brunette smirked. "And you fit the bill quite well."

"Is that why-"

"Nah… don't think like that. I just like to figure people out, is all." Slowly backing up as the man below him leaned forward, the smirk settled over the brunette's face didn't dim in the slightest at the sigh that settled over both of their chests. "Just relax and let loose, ok?"

"Hey, I just-but, I still don't even know your na-" Quickly delving onto those thin set of lips, the golden-toned man swallowed the rest of the garbled sentence as he grabbed the other's thin hands and placed them over his hips, wishing to cast the rest of the conversation aside and get to business already.

'_Please don't tell me I grabbed the sentimental type…_'

Yet there was still hope yet, it seemed, as the brunette was quickly lifted off the thinner man's lap and tossed backwards. Blinking at the sudden scenery change, golden fingers tightened over the small tube still clutched against his palm before said tube was snatched away and opened, slippery fingers carefully tracing the contours of his torso as he mewled in satisfaction.

'_That's more like it_…'

Rolling his legs forward in accommodation, those same strong hands that had been carefully massaging his upper front hefted his thighs as smooth golden knees hooked over a pale set of shoulders. Letting his head fall to the side, hazel brown eyes closed as a wet muscle traced over the soft skin of his neck. Sharp teeth began to nip at the conjunction of his shoulder as those wonderfully slick fingers easily slid inside him and stretched the silken caverns surrounding them; carefully prodding and pulling until hands twisted against his dark raven locks and the beautiful expanse of never-ending skin and muscle quivered under his touch.

"Tell me when you think you're-"

"Just _do it_." Sharp brown eyes turned and regarded the surprised gaze with a hostility that took both of them off guard. "You don't have to treat me like glass; I won't _break _damn it."

Somewhat muffled by the disappointed pout now lingering over the other man's face as those magical fingers slowly slid out of him, the mood dropped a bit as a sense of discomfort loomed over the both of them after the unexpected snap. Rolling his eyes at his _own_ sentimentality, the amber-eyed man gently hauled himself up and pressed a chaste kiss against those supple lips.

Little by little, nip by nip, that sensual mouth opened for him once again as tongues slowly stroked the other and hips began to move to a motion that neither could control. Pants of simultaneous breath fell against each other's chins as milliseconds passed and lips were quickly reclaimed once again. Golden hands fell from the other's hair to his shoulders and then down to his back, clawing for more friction, more touching, more _anything_.

"Oh God…" The salacious whisper against the other man's lips came out slightly jumbled as the toned man felt something prod at his entrance, toes curling as tiny butterfly kisses were pressed against his jaw line. "_Shit._"

Tilting the body beneath his up slightly, shaky hands grasped at golden-toned hips as the long-anticipated hardened muscle slowly slid into the swelteringly-tight passage and simply pushed forward. Blinking as a hiss of pain and a sudden cringe brought him back to his senses, stormy-gray eyes softened as they met cinnamon-brown. Instead of verbalizing his concern, however, he waited until the tightness began to dissipate and the eyes still gazing up at his own show their relief.

Only then did he begin to move; slowly, if anything. At first, the dark-haired man felt his mouth pull into a slight frown at the lack of chastisement at his halting movements as he gazed down at the man who seemed a little _too _content to simply be used.

"You know, if I wanted a compliant little thing…" The pale-skinned lover whispered into that tantalizing ear before gently biting onto the lobe, "I wouldn't have left with you."

Refusing to admit to the satisfaction that came from the smile that blossomed over those succulent lips, the frown immediately left gray-eyed man's lips as those thin fingers clenched against his shoulder blades and he was suddenly kicked on his side.

"Then maybe you shouldn't treat your fucks like little china-dolls, and maybe they wouldn't daze out in the middle of said of _fucking_."

Blinking down at the gratuitous language sent his way (_and ignoring the spike of arousal that came with them_), the paler of the two almost shrieked as he was practically tossed off the younger set of legs and pushed back onto the bed, those eerie orbs promising nothing but trouble as he was straddled once again. Leaning forward to capture those lips that seemed to love to taunt him, he was quickly pushed away for his troubles as a trembling hand grabbed onto his length and stroked, eyes squeezing shut as he was settled back inside that hot canal of straining muscle.

Not being able to just sit back and do nothing, the prone man firmly massaged those quivering thighs as the motion of movement made him even harder; the feeling of tightening walls almost causing him to burst all too quickly. Bringing up his knees for support, dark eyes watched as those beautiful long-fingered hands scrambled for purchase over his lean abdomen until he could do nothing more than clutch onto the sheets lying beneath them.

Wordless pleas echoed throughout the bland hotel room as burning brown eyes closed tightly and those pleas became full-out cries. Small plunges had quickly become long thrusts as his most intimate spot was continually hit and his hips, which were now being held by those gorgeous hands, kept being pushed down so that he could not escape that enticing piece of flesh for long.

Feeling as if he were right on the precipice (_he supposed the sudden burst of violence on his counterpart's behalf had more to contribute to that than anything else_) of release, one hand slowly trailed down from its former spot and traced his partner's penis, loving the shudder that came with such a light touch.

"_Please_…" Huffing out as his face screwed up in undeniable euphoric pleasure, the seemingly older of the two couldn't stop himself as he began to stroke the other off to the quickening thrusts driving him crazy. "_Please…_"

Letting his legs drop from the former position, the dark-haired man heaved himself up and hauled the bouncing man settled over his lap into a searing kiss with one hand, the other still firmly pumping him. Swallowing the unexpected mewls and keening groans, he almost growled as those lips were pulled away from him and that tight passage became even _tighter_, breath stuttering as his lover's length hardened even further before ejaculating right into his hand.

Not able to hold out against the convulsing hot insides still holding him, the pale-skinned man felt his own release carry on for what seemed to be an eternity. After a moment of simply _being_, both men practically collapsed on top of each other before laughing to a joke only they seemed to know.

"Well…" The now warm-eyed stranger (_could he still be considered a stranger after all _that_?_) murmured as he attempted to scuttle back a bit from the warm body that seemed reluctant to let him leave its presence. "That was a lot more fun than I thought it was going to be."

"Are you finally going to tell me what your name is?" The dark-eyed man asked exhaustedly, hands trembling as they brought the hesitant brunette closer to their person. He felt tired hands release his penis of the dirty condom as he closed his eyes, waiting for his answer.

The brown-eyed stranger blinked before biting the bullet (_he'd already had sex with him, so what did he have left to lose?_) and letting himself be pulled down onto the other man's chest.

"_Light_." The beautiful boy whispered, not noticing the small smile blossoming over those trembling lips that had just been making him gasp not even minutes before.

Nodding in acceptance, those beautiful dark gray orbs closed and slipped into a fitful sleep, expecting the other to do the same.

Light wasn't surprised to wake up the next morning to an empty bed; though the piece of paper lying on the formerly warm pillow did surprise him. Glancing down at the fanciful writing, Light snorted at the words, not even daring to take a look at the phone number written on the bottom of the page.

_My name's L._

_Hope to see you again, Light._

He would like to say that he just threw the paper out and forgot about the whole experience…

But it wasn't like keeping a piece of paper would make much a difference.

It was just about comfort, after all.

* * *

A week after what Light would later dub as 'the incident' found the gorgeous brunettes at the same spot he had first caught sight of the mysterious raven-haired man named simply _L_. He sighed as he once again gazed out at the familiar club, also once again bored out of his skull.

No one seemed to stick out against the monotony of the crowd, feeling a bit disappointed at the lack of opportunities and prospects.

Last week had been a fluke, it seemed. Finding someone that interesting and attractive every weekend wasn't possible even for a person like him; he remembered his mother telling him a saying about bottling lightening twice… he couldn't remember the exact saying.

And he didn't really care to remember either, if truth be told.

Trying to keep his eyes out on the dance floor, the swaying brunette didn't notice as a pair of (_familiar_) arms came over his head and trapped him in between them and a strong, if wiry, torso.

"Hello, _Light_."

Feeling his eye twitch, Light immediately went into his 'ass-kick' mode and elbowed the other man in stomach before bitch-slapping him in the face. Snarling at the his supposed 'attacker', Light managed a swift kick in the shins just as the man almost tumbled over his own feet.

"What have I told you about doing that, Mikami?"

"… … Not to?"

Light glared at him balefully before huffing out in exasperation and maneuvering around the fumbling bespectacled man. "Damn straight."

"Well, no need to get all feisty 'Kami-sama'. Don't want to upset the damn world order…" The older man muttered out sarcastically, pouting slightly as the light-haired fantasy grabbed his leather jacket and walked around him without a second glance. "Leaving already?"

"No one interesting tonight." The pretty brunette shrugged as Mikami quirked up an eyebrow, amused. "I think I'm just gonna head home. I'll see ya later."

"Sure." Waving goodbye to his friend, Mikami simply turned around and lost himself in the crowd.

He was sure his friend could take care of himself, after all…

* * *

Light wondered where he picked up his stupid luck and whether or not it was tailored simply to _him _or if _all _people faced the same dilemmas as he did.

As he felt himself get pushed further into the wall, the sharp feel of a blade digging into his ribs, he felt pretty sure it was just _him_.

"Now _what _dowe _have here_…"

Rolling his eyes as the stale breath hit his nose, Light barely had any time to give one of his smart-ass retorts in return as a backhanded slap quickly wiped away the thought. Spitting out a fair bit of blood from the cut now lining the inside of his mouth, Light wasn't the least surprised to find that meaty hand soaring up towards the sky, switchblade still in hand-

"SHIT!"

Light blinked as the hardened grip that had been squeezing his right shoulder slipped as the large body was shoved away from his own lithe figure, ducking as the blade went swinging over his head and hitting the wall behind him.

'What the…?'

Turning slightly so he could at least _thank _his savior like any other civilized person would have done, Light was quite shocked to find dark gray eyes evaluating his figures for any injuries until his mouth had the honor of being scrutinized in such a fashion. Grabbing the man's chin, L didn't even hesitate to prod two fingers into his mouth and pull at his lower lip to examine the miniscule cut still bleeding profusely.

"Let's go." Grabbing his charge's hand, both men barely gave the now fully incapacitated thug another glance as they left the vicinity.

Still groaning in pain, beady brown eyes kept their gaze on the light-haired leather-clad man running off into the city streets, knowing that it was just a matter of time before everything fell into place…

* * *

"OW!" Light hissed as the cotton-swab continued to poke at his lower lip, pouting as L gave him a stern glare. "It hurts…"

"I know." L murmured, his other hand gently maneuvering over the hand-shaped bruise now covering his left cheek. "But it won't get better unless it hurts a bit more first."

"Well, that's just stupid…" The tired brunette muttered underneath his breath before hissing out in pain as the cotton-swab passed by the cut without him noticing. "Hey!"

"Are you alright?" Curt and straight to the point; he didn't remember L being so mechanical the week before.

'Then again…'

"Well?" Trying not to let the evil piece of cotton anywhere near his mouth, Light slowly backed away so as to answer the other man's question.

"I'm fine! You can stop attacking me with your evil coalition of first-aid tools, ok?" Picking up the glass of ginger-ale given to him and taking a quick swig, Light examined the interior of what he assumed to be the other man's apartment; the clinical white tiled floor coupled with the smooth white walls giving the air of a hospital or a mental-establishment. He couldn't see many personal items cluttered around the small portion of furniture he did come in contact with, so he could only assume that he'd been saved by and had had sex with a social-hermit.

'Oh!'

"Ah…" Dropping down from the table he had been settled over (_even if the kinky possibilities wouldn't cease to stop tormenting him in his head_), Light gave the man a small smile of appreciation. "Not to seem ungrateful, um, thanks for sav-"

"You never called." L stated, his eyes as distraught as they could possibly express.

"Uh…"

Obviously his acquaintance had never heard of such a thing as a 'one-night-stand', and Light wasn't sure he wanted to be the one to teach him of such a thing.

"I thought…" Shaking his head, L seemed to drop the subject even within his own head, not wishing to make his guest anymore uncomfortable than he already made him. "Never mind. You may use the phone to call a ride if you do not have a cell-phone. You seem to be fine, though I would be more careful when walking around dark alleys on Saturday nights."

"Yeah…" Feeling ashamed of himself for a reason that he could not comprehend, Light nodded as he kept his gaze directly on the man still standing in front of him attempting not to appear downtrodden, even if it was as obvious as the bruise settled over Light's face.

Perhaps it had been the way his eyes had shrouded over at the possibility that Light had not wanted him all that much to begin with, or perhaps it had been the way his voice had dropped once he had noticed the sudden tension in his company's body as soon as he brought up what had been on his mind, but all Light knew was that one minute they had both been staring at each other with equal amounts of pity and distress and the next they were both making out over said table that Light had just been having scandalous ideas about.

Quickly shedding his jacket and letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud, Light wondered if this was going to be a new habit when it came to the raven haired man.

As he was suddenly slammed back onto the table, his lower half still suspended in mid-air as quick hands began to divest him of his clothing, Light really couldn't bring himself to care one way or another.

* * *

If the fact that he was waking up in somebody else's arms wasn't uncomfortable enough, the fact that he was waking up in somebody else's _apartment_ nearly sent his brain in full overload.

Wincing at the aching pain still tingling from his lip, Light slowly slid out of the other's weak embrace and limped over to his clothes, wondering how man could get it up so many times in one night _and not be the least bit pained about it. _

'Some people have all the luck.' The young man sighed quietly to himself as he pulled up his pants, smiling as he pulled out his cell-phone and checking all the missed calls he received the night before.

'Should I…?'

It wasn't Light's style, but L's heart-broken expression still lingered guiltily over his conscience; _especially_ since he had probably saved him from certain 'doom' the night before. Taking out a crumbled napkin that had been settled in his pants pocket from the night before, Light stole a pen from the other man's desk and quickly jotted down a note of his own and left it on the pillow he had used last night, quietly trotting out of the room in search of the rest of his clothes.

_You're right; I didn't call. _

_But instead of getting all angsty about it, why don't you try calling me this time?_

L smirked as he quirked an eye open and read the note balanced next to his head, the sound of his front door closing echoing throughout the apartment.

'_Jackpot_.'

* * *

"Big brother!" Light blinked as he spun around while pulling on his signature leather coat, his 13-year-old sister staring up at him with shining eyes and a gleaming grin. "Your phone! You almost forgot it again!"

"Thanks." Glancing down at the lit screen, he felt his mouth twitch involuntarily as the words 'One New Message' blinked up at him. Snapping open his phone, Light frowned down at the unfamiliar number before clicking 'open'.

_I didn't call, but at least I left a message. _

_See you tonight._

One week after his near-death-experience and crazy sex-romp, and this was the first sign of contact. A part of Light felt uneasy at having the man be able to contact him so easily, but another much greater part was anticipating copious amounts of crazy sex that was about to be had instead.

This was the first time that he had had a one-night stand turn into a multi-night-stand, but that was ok.

Light was always open to new experiences.

* * *

"How old are you?"

Light had nearly fell off the bed at the sudden question, the hotel room they resided in mimicking the first room's décor quite horribly.

L seemed to notice the hesitation on his lover's part when answering any questions pertaining to himself; oh, anything else was just fine, but once you crossed that safe zone, Light seemed to immediately shut down and become wary of everything being conversed-

Which was really silly seeing as the two men had been having non-stop sex every Saturday night for the last two months.

"You're not a minor, are you…?" L cautiously asked, almost falling off the bed himself at the sudden bought of laughter took him off guard.

"Not quite, but you are cutting it with me." Light stated, the amusement he felt taking the edge off of the conversation at hand. "I… I'm 18."

"Wow." L's wide eyes became all the wider. "You certainly don't look it."

Once again the hotel room reverberated with Light's laughter, the comforter masking L's smile quite well.

"I'm 26." The pale-skinned man whispered, nearly laughing himself as Light immediately ceased his own hysterics and gave L a scandalized (_if appraising_) gape.

"Oh my God, you're robbing the cradle!" Not taking his partner's glare seriously, the brazen brunette smirked seductively as he then crawled over to L's side of the bed. "Though… does that technically make me a silver-fox lover?"

"I am _not _a silver-fox!" L immediately shot up, his usually unassuming face contorted into faux-anger.

"But you will be!" Light laughed once again, chuckling madly as he was then tackled back into the mattress, the laughter not ceasing in the least.

"_Light!_"

* * *

"No."

"But-"

"I said _no_!"

"Please, Light, just listen to me-"

"I told you before; _it won't work with me, L_."

"You're being _unreasonable_-"

A vase came flying over L's head as Light grabbed his coat and fled the older man's apartment.

L stared down at the broken porcelain, slowly sliding down onto the floor as he carefully picked up an uneven shard.

He hadn't thought that wanting to take their relationship to the next level was such a bad thing-

But the thing that L kept himself blinded to was the fact that Light didn't _see _what they had as a relationship; to him, it was just a beneficial contract between two people who liked to have sex together.

Whatever feelings they had were not to be included in the equation.

But let it be known that L was not easily pushed aside.

'We could be perfect…'

Letting the imperfect shard drop back with the rest of the pile, L sighed before standing up and getting his broom.

'Tomorrow is another day…'

* * *

"It… it could be like this." L whispered against Light's ear, the TV quietly playing in the background as the younger man sat timidly on his lap. "_Always_."

"Stop it." Light shivered, his bare-chest taking the lot of the chill from the open windows. It was getting to be winter time and soon, Light knew that he would have to begin bundling up just to set foot out of his apartment.

But that was not what was bothering him at the moment.

"Why can't you just be satisfied with what we have _now_?" The man shakily asked, his eyes watering under the pressure of not just L's pleas but of-

No.

He wouldn't think about that right now.

He was with L, and he _would not _think about that right now.

"Because I know you can give me _more_!" L finally snarled, his patience snapping after nearly four months of silent wishes and gentle nudges of what he knew could be the best thing either of them had ever _had_. "You just don't _want _to!"

"Don't you think if it was as simple as me not _wanting _to, that I would have given in a long time ago?" Hands gripped against the teen's sides as unbidden tears slipped down his cheeks, wondering why L just had to ask, and ask, and _ask_ questions that _always _made him feel like the worst person in the world!

"If you can't even give me a reason as to why we can't be _together_, then for me, it doesn't exist." It was difficult for the older man not to be swayed by the rare sight of tears sliding down both of their chests, but L couldn't let this go. Light was difficult, and to break his limits was an accomplishment; if he didn't get his answers now, he didn't think he'd _ever _get them. "What is it that you're so afraid of, Light?"

"I… I _can't_! I'm sorry, but I just CAN'T." Light whispered, pushing the man's arms off of his person before grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. "You and me, we don't mix. Why can't you get that through your stupid head and leave well enough alone?"

L said nothing else as he watched the younger man stomp out of the hotel room, wincing as the door slammed shut behind him.

Well…

That hadn't gone as well as he had hoped.

* * *

_I'm sorry._

L stared down at the text, the first one of its kind.

Even after all the violent outbursts and yelling matches, Light had _never _apologized.

Until _now_.

But what had been different.

_I'm sorry._

The words stared up at him; _taunting_ him.

He gave his office a glance around, wondering if he would _ever _be able to understand his childish lover.

Though…

_I'm sorry._

He thought about his own words; how _they _must have affected the boy so much, that he felt that he had to apologize, even if through text-message.

He knew Hell must have froze over if Light was willing to admit he was wrong about something.

And that was when L knew what he had to do.

_Me too._

* * *

Six. Months.

Light bit his lip as he stared at the door in front of him, hand clutching the small item in his pocket and wondering if L would appreciate the tiny trinket.

Six. _Months_.

Had it really been that long since he had met L?

Light quietly lifted his hand and knocked on the door, hoping the man wouldn't look too much into the item he had gotten for him.

It had belonged to his father, but now it would be L's.

The smooth feel of the antique pen nestled in his grasp was soon forgotten as Light steeled his nerves and smiled.

The door opened, and the brunette knew he was already breaking one of his own rules.

* * *

"What do you do for a living?"

Surprisingly, it wasn't L who asked this question.

The dark-haired man halted his ministrations over the younger man's back, his attention deviated from the light scars that he had not noticed until about three months back. "I'm a detective."

Light blinked before tilting his head to the side, sighing as L carefully kissed one of the deeper scars settled over one of the brunette's lower ribs.

"Ok."

L smirked as the boy settled back onto the pillow he was holding, letting L do as he wanted.

Little by little…

He knew he would get what he wanted.

_Little. By. Little._

* * *

Sometimes, how they got themselves into these situations was a question even to themselves.

Light struggled against the silk ties wrapped around his wrists, binding his hands together against his back. Legs wrapped around L's waist, he squirmed a bit as the cold steel of his companion's desk began to make his backside numb.

"L, _please_…" Feeling his breath catch in his throat as warm fingers trailed up his back, Light whimpered as he was pushed into once again. Lips slipped over his own in a familiar choreography of movement, carefully undoing the ties that were sure to have left red marks at this point.

"But only because you said please…" L murmured against his lover's lips before attacking them once again, not willing to admit just how _much _a bound, helpless Light pleading for more of _anything_ aroused him; especially when the teen would simply catalogue it for future reference and use said information to torment him later on…

L groaned as the man perched above him whined incessantly, swallowing every wordless plea with gusto. The warmth tucked around him convulsed as the boy, barely out of his teens, grabbed his shoulders and fully slammed himself down upon the tense detective once again.

Placing his hands on his lover's hips, L kept him there before leaning forward and very nearly devouring the youth's mouth, letting every still-caged emotion he felt for his 'dirty little secret' pour over in just one messy kiss.

Before either man could move, the cell-phone beside the large bed began to ring incessantly. Light bit his lip as his gaze moved from the man still inside him to the object calling his attention, golden-brown eyes melting with dissatisfaction.

"Go ahead," L whispered before sliding back a bit, affectionately kissing the man on his nose "I'll still be here."

Light blinked in surprise, not sure what to make of the gentle gesture. Without letting himself delve too deeply into such an affectionate act could mean, Light picked up his phone and frowned as his little sister's number blinked on the screen.

"Hello? Yeah…" L watched as a range of emotions crossed Light's face, knowing that their play time had most likely come to an early end. "Ok. Don't worry, I'll be right there, alright? Love you too."

Blinking at the returned endearment, L felt a swell of jealousy rise in his chest and _burn_ him with scorching red flames.

"I have to go; my sister doesn't feel too well, and my mother had a long day at work." Light whispered, the pull of covetousness diminishing as soon as it was summoned within the docile detective. "I'll see you la-"

"I'll take you home." L announced, picking up their clothes and throwing them on the bed so that they could sort them out simultaneously. "It's still early; besides, they'll be wondering what it was you were doing."

"Or do you mean who was doing_ me_?" The light-haired man muttered as he pulled his shirt on over his head, not sure if letting L take him home was _such _a good thing-

Yet knowing the stubborn detective, he really had no choice in the matter, did he?

Light sighed.

_Of course not. _

* * *

"Do I really want to know how it is that you knew how to get to my house without me having to give you any directions?" Light asked dryly, giving the man a bland stare of amusement.

The dark-haired man simply pointed at himself before swerving suddenly, not looking the least bit fazed that he had almost hit a pedestrian. "Detective."

"Right." Feeling a tiny bit uncomfortable, Light was suddenly glad that he didn't have a criminal record.

He was sure it wouldn't have remained a secret for long if L's incessant curiosity was any indication.

"Here we are." L happily chirped before parking the car on the other side of the street and bouncing out of the vehicle.

Light, of course, bounded out without a lot less enthusiasm.

"You don't have to do this," Light called out, eyes twitching maniacally.

L smirked before grabbing the boy's hand and pulling him up the stairs, wondering just what Light's immediate family looked like and if they were nearly as suspicious as the golden-tanned teen giving him the stink-eye at the moment.

"LIGHT!" A raspy soprano voice reverberated down the rafters as both men looked up, Light biting his lip a his sister coughed into his arm.

"Sayu, get back into the apartment this _instant_!" Pulling his hand out of L's, the panicked teen chased after his little sister as L chased after him, the stairs winding continuously until they hit the floor housing the two siblings. Sayu smiled shyly from the doorway as she looked from Light to L, not sure what to make of their visitor.

"Sorry, Light…"

"Just get inside!" Ushering his sister inside, Light gave L a sideways look, not sure what to make out of his appearance into his life in such a manner either.

The investigator simply smiled, following the two inside the neat little apartment, already ready for the 20 questions that were about to be thrown his way.

Not that he minded.

Not when it came to Light.

"Uh, Sayu… this… this is a friend of mine. His name is L." Light spoke softly to the young girl staring up at him, giving the other man a timid glance behind lowered lashes. "L, this is my little sister Sayu."

"It's so nice to meet you!" Sayu suddenly grabbed the man's hand and smiled excitedly, her essence the very opposite of her brother's even whilst sick. "Light never brings his friends by to meet us… you must be really special, huh?"

At those words L felt a warm, if very small, grin light up his own tired face.

"I can only hope so."

"Light!"

The three people within the room jumped as an older woman appeared in the hallway just L's right-hand side, the small living-room they were situated in cozy and exuding warmth now that the gray-eyed detective had time to evaluate it.

"Hello, mother." Her cropped hair shook as she laughed at the discomforted expression set over her son's face as he greeted her. "You should be in bed-"

"I'm _fine _Light. Both you and your sister are simply overprotective." Turning to face her visitor, the laugh-lines smudged next to her eyes giving her a much more genial appearance than her son. "And hello, there; I'm Sachiko, Light's mother. Light, you didn't tell me we would be having company, today!"

Light rolled his eyes, giving his partner a stagnant glare.

'_Obviously I wasn't expecting any company as well_.'

L kept his grin, which made Light unexpectedly content.

'_But…_'

He had to stop.

Sayu giggled as she pulled L into the kitchen, and he fell onto the couch.

He was getting in over his head…

_Again_.

'_What are you doing to me, L?_'

* * *

And when he saw just how well the three of them got along, the warm syrupy feeling that usually curled up within his stomach whenever L did something he constituted as cute tightened until all Light could do was try to gasp for breath.

'_What am I _doing_?_'

But he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

His mother laughed at one of L's incredibly corny jokes and his sister giggled as the older man commented on how cute she was and all he could think about was how much he _wanted _this and… and…

_God_ this was _not good_.

"Light?"

Light gave his lover a shaky smile before turning over to the battered window beside him and biting his lip.

'So how do you get yourself out of _this _situation, Yagami?'

Warm hands kneaded his shoulders as a familiar mouth nipped at his earlobe while his mother and sister weren't looking, glancing at the mischievous smile and glowing eyes with trepidation and anxiousness.

"Why don't you come join us, Light?"

"Yeah!" Sayu perked up almost immediately at the suggestion. "Stop being so moody, Light!"

Sachiko nodded her head as she beckoned her soon back into the comfort of the living-room, leaving behind his semi-melancholic thoughts and worries within the dingy kitchen.

He could brood all he wanted later.

For now, he would just enjoy the moment.

* * *

He didn't understand why Light was being so affectionate tonight, but he wouldn't question it for once.

Although…

There was something almost… _melancholic_ hanging over the student's aura of usual-apathy.

'_Student…_'

L remembered his last visit with the Yagami's (_little by little, Light's world became his, and he didn't even realize it_) and with it, all the information he garnered about his little songbird.

Light was indeed a college student who worked part-time to help manage the small apartment he held with his mother and sister. His father, who had been a police officer, had died on duty when Light and Sayu had been young and once the boy had been able to work, he had put his all in making sure that both his mother and his sister had been taken care of to the best of his ability. There was a glitch though; his mother looked as if she wished to tell him something the last time he had spoken to her, her eyes shining with motherly concern.

"L, what are you thinking about?" Light whispered into his ear, not used to being ignored when he was doing everything in his power to gain the other's undivided attention.

"_You_." L smiled as this earned him another kiss on the cheek, realizing that the only thing that could distract him from Light was, well, _Light_. "You just keep doing what you were doing…"

Light held back a tiny sob as he nodded, nuzzling the other man's head of hair.

This was the least he could do, after all.

The _least _he could do…

* * *

"I can't see you anymore."

The look on L's face was almost priceless; if not for the fact that the same mixture of anger, despondency, desperation and fear clogged his own heart, he would have laughed at the open gape and twisted gaze.

However, Light was not all that amused.

'This is it…'

This was the end of their twisted relationship.

It _had _to be.

"It was fun while it lasted… but I can't do this with you anymore. Whatever this is… it's gonna kill us both if we let it get any deeper." Light winced as the older man slowly slid out of the hotel bed, eyes narrowed into slits of burning fury. "Don't look at me like that; I basically told you from the beginning that this wasn't worth getting invested in."

'_I'm _not worth getting invested in…'

Though the words hung over them silently, neither man refused to acknowledge them; Light out of fear of what admitting such a thing out loud could mean and L from not seeing any speck of truth within them.

"No." L stated clearly, his face clearing of any and all emotion. "_No_."

Light, though, was not amused.

"Now's not the time for shock, L. It's done. Get over it." Spinning around, Light prepared himself to stomp out of the apartment and cry himself a river once he got him-

"SHIT!" Only to find himself getting personally acquainted with L's door, his arm twisted behind his back and his face shoved into the damn piece of wood. "L, get the _Hell _off of me!"

"Or you'll do _what_?" Light didn't have to see the curling scowl on the other man's face to know that it was there; his arm burning with pain as L brought it up higher against his back. "Tell me, what will you _do_, Light? Deny our relationship ever existed? Turn a blind eye to the pain running up your body and pass out when it becomes too much; because God forbid you should talk about your problems like a normal human being and instead stick to the silent treatment you know so well! Or will you just forget I ever even _loved you_ in some fucked up attempt to make yourself feel better? Damn it, Light, what the _fuck _is going through that twisted brain of yours?"

"You don't-"

"Don't give me that shit, Light! Tell me, why are you so _fucking scared _to be with me?"

"Because this wasn't supposed to be about _love_, damn it!" Banging his head against the door, Light felt his arm slowly become numb from the hold. "We don't _have _a relationship, and I'll be damned if we ever _will_!"

"This isn't just sex and you know it." L growled into the boy's ear, panting against the back of his lover's neck. "If it was, it wouldn't mean a _thing_ and I can see it your eyes; this is _different_ for the _both _of us damn it!"

"Let me go, you asshole!"

"No! Not until you admit that you care for me; that all this is, is a damn escape route for something more than a damn 'secret' affair!"

"What does it matter? I'm going to walk out of this door whether I say so or not!"

"Perhaps…" The hold on his arm loosened a bit as L's voice rasped, the regular monotone long gone. "But at least I know I meant something to you if you just _say_…"

Light felt his breath catch as L's head dropped against his back, falling right in between his shoulder blades. Something wet and warm leaked through the light fabric of his tee-shirt, making him shudder with shame.

This wasn't something he ever thought he would have to live through.

He had never thought…

"This is wrong." The tired brunette murmured woefully, knowing they had _both _passed the point of no return. "What you feel for me is _wrong_."

"Don't-"

"But what I feel for you-" Light interrupted the man before he could truly become offended, smirking sadly over his shoulder as the hold on him loosened, if slowly "it's _worse._ I'm no good for you, you know. And… and all I'll end up doing is hurting you _without even realizing it_. Why would you want to _do that _to yourself?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" The murmur tickling his neck as the hold around his arm dropped completely, hands carefully wrapping around the fabric of his tee-shirt around his hips. "I can't do this anymore, Light. Just _be with me_."

Light said nothing as he let himself be turned around and coiled himself into the other's embrace, his eyes stinging with cold tears.

He couldn't give L everything, but this…

_Little by little…_

Maybe this could finally be enough.

* * *

Sighing in disbelief, Light shuddered as the cold air hit his vulnerable face. Yet he persevered; L was counting on him, after all.

This would be the first time that he would be meeting the other man's 'social circle' after weeks of begging and subtle persuading (_which wasn't all that subtle, now that Light thought about it_).

'Damn. And it only took him almost a good years to get to this point.' Light smirked at his own thought process, shaking his head as he caught sight of the familiar black car that usual came barreling down the street at 80 mph.

Honestly, the brunette wondered how the man had managed to receive his driver's license at times.

Yet he felt something shift in the air; subtle, but still striking. Turning around, Light felt his eyes widen as a familiar bulky figure smirked at him.

A glint of steel-

A sharp shot-

'_Never should have-_'

A momentary pain-

And all Light felt was the hard impact of his body crashing onto the ground, eyes still wide and fearful.

'_Never should have-_'

Light felt himself cough unwittingly as he stared at the red liquid pooling over his body, the pain an after-effect to the shock. Hands, cool familiar hands, settled over his hips.

Turning his face, which was undoubtedly stained with the crimson still pouring out of him, Light blinked as those dark-gray eyes pooled with unfamiliar tears.

'_Don't cry._'

Reaching up, Light brushed the tears away, leaving a large smudge of red in his wake.

'_Don't cry._'

He never wanted to see him cry.

'_Never should have… let him so close._'

Darkness enveloped him as the pain spiked and became too much; as the sounds overcame the silence and deafened his ears with noise-

As that image of L crying for _him _became too much, and all he could do was close his eyes and forget just why it was that he had never said those words that seemed so all-important now.

* * *

L was on his last leg.

He had never felt this way before, and quite frankly, he hoped to never feel so again.

'Was this what you were so worried about, Light?'

Staring at the prone figure laying on the hospital bed, L shook his head.

'Of course it was.'

Because only Light would show how much he cared about people through scorn.

* * *

"He was in a gang." L repeated, not sure if he could picture the young man most likely sitting on his bed within his room doing his homework in a _gang_.

But the scars…

The mental lapses…

The emotional insecurities…

Suddenly, everything clicked into place, even as his own mind tried to reject the idea.

Sachiko sighed as she nodded, knowing that for someone who had only saw one side of Raito, it was most likely difficult to even imagine his apparently much more brutal side.

"He did it for _me_; I know he did. Don't think too badly of him, L. Light was trying to take up the role of provider when he should have been still acting as a child, and in doing so, put himself in with the wrong crowd." Motherly guilt smothered the normally-cheerful woman's expression, alluding to _just how much_she had watched her son suffer in someone else's hands. "He was willing to do whatever it took… to make sure that both Sayu and I lacked nothing. But in doing so, he killed almost every part of himself and made this _monster_. For three years I watched my son be mutilated, and all I could do was try to heal his wounds. How could I call the police after all; he was my own _son_and I know they would have killed him if they thought he had even an inkling of guilt shed over his shoulders. And he would take it if it meant keeping both Sayu and I safe."

"But then I received a promotion at my job, and I was able to sustain all of us without the need of such… activities. Light was hesitant at first, but I managed to persuade him to quit." Sachiko sighed as she put her cup of coffee, hands quaking from past traumas. "They were less than enthused to let him go. He never said anything, but I know he still received threats from some of the more loyal group members. Light was willing to bear the burden…"

"Until what?" L growled out, grabbing the mother's hand in a show of comfort even under the barrage of anger he felt brewing within his chest. "Until he dropped dead? He should have _said _something."

"You're right." Sachiko easily agreed, knowing that L's rage was neither directed towards herself or Light, but at the circumstances of the situation at hand. "But you know that he'd do whatever it took to protect the one's he loves most, especially if he could prevent it. Even if it meant hurting them, Light is a person who would rather face the possible regret of such actions than watch the people he cared about be hurt in _far _worse ways."

L slowly let go of the older woman's hand, blinking at the sudden revelation.

'_**But you know that he'd do whatever it took to protect the one's he loves most, especially if he could prevent it…**_'

Even hurt them.

This whole time…

'_I hear you, Light._'

And from the look on Sachiko's face, _she_ could hear him _too_.

* * *

"I won't say it." Light felt the pale-skinned man freeze as he whispered the statement into his ear, smiling a smile only L would recognize. "I probably won't _ever _say it."

L tightened his hold on the other man's thin form, hiding his own smile into the crook of Light's naked shoulder.

"_But that doesn't mean that I don't feel it_."

He traced the newest scar to be added to his companion's collection which lay nestled against his lover's side, and lovingly kissed the stretch of beautiful golden skin laid out before him.

And they both knew that this-

This was _enough_.


	2. Speechless

A/N: Well, I don't know what to say, so don't expect much. Lol. I won't even make a comment about how I didn't originally plan for a continuation because we all know that that would be bullshit and leave it at that.

Now we can _truly_ say that this is more plot than lemon… because I don't know any better and really, anger can be a great motivational tool when you just want to lie in bed and do _nothing_. And alcohol as well.

But that's a different issue entirely. ^.^;

On a side-note, if you're expecting fluff, I think maybe you should either turn back or proceed with caution. Remember… _written while angry._ And writing this kind of made me angrier. Just don't ask. :O I think if the lemon didn't earn me the M rating, the abuse here does. -.-;

Warnings?: **Nothing really BIG to report, though there are issues here of physical abuse, self-mutilation, spousal abuse and rape that all should be aware of. A lot of it is alluded to and some of it is straight out demonstrated, but none of it is graphic. Still, keep this in mind before you begin reading and act as if you're shocked about something. Because then, I would be forced to call you an idiot and beat you with a stupid stick. Just saying.**

Other than that, let's party.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor do I own "Speechless" by Lady Gaga.

* * *

"_I can't believe what you said to me _

_Last night we were alone; _

_You threw your hands up- _

_Baby, you gave up, you gave up… _

_I can't believe how you looked at me _

_With your James Dean glossy eyes; _

_In your tight jeans with your long hair _

_And your cigarette stained lies. _

_Could we fix you if you broke? _

_And is your punch line just a joke?_

_I'll never talk again,_

_Oh boy, you've left me speechless…_

_You've left me speechless._"

-"Speechless" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: _**Speechless**_

* * *

Those dark gray eyes were looking too deeply into his being once again, and it was driving him _crazy._

Light scoffed as he turned on his side and ignored the wounded expression on his lover's face, the compressed feeling of discomfort digging into his chest.

'I'm sorry…'

He didn't mean to _hurt _L, but that was what he ended up doing every time he brought up…

A soft sigh escaped Light's lips as he closed his eyes and blocked out the rest of that thought.

'I'm just _sorry_…'

It was almost like kicking a puppy, but not _nearly _as satisfying.

A pale hand wove through his sepia-colored locks and Light felt himself fall down the rabbit hole, all the while wondering if there would ever be a time where he _didn't _feel like the world's biggest jackass when it came to his boyfriend.

* * *

"You shouldn't be doing that, you know."

The nineteen-year-old shrugged as he hopped off the bed and grabbed his shirt, wondering how having-sex-with-each-other had slowly, but surely turned into sleeping-together-just-for-the-heck-of-it.

And by sleeping together just for the heck of it, he literally meant _just sleeping together_.

"I'm fine." Light muttered, still not used to the random moments filled with coddling (_of the L-variety, anyway_) or the tiny spaces of time where he would actually _bend _to said coddling (_they were few and far in between, but still there nonetheless_) or how to even _react to them _without coming off as completely paranoid and vaguely suspicious. "It was just some mugger who thought he was worth a damn. Trust me when I say that he looks much, _much _worse."

Though they both knew it hadn't been a mugger, even if Light said otherwise.

"Well you at least have it checked out later?" L stared at the large bruise covering a majority of his lover's back, dark scabbed over gash coming up from the shoulder all the way across to his lowest rib on his right side stained into his memory as Light (_finally_) pulled the shirt over his head and covered the ugly weeping wound.

"It's _fine_." The boy repeated, flicking his hair out of his eyes as he strolled out of the room, the slight limp in his step unnoticeable to anyone but the man staring at him.

L, much to his credit, let it go, eyes straying from Light's disappearing figure to the stained sheets painting the other side of the bed.

Tracing the streaks of red with his dimming gaze, L felt his insides ice over until all he could see was black.

* * *

"So…"

L rolled his eyes as he stared over at his friend, those clear blue eyes narrow and plainly full of over-dramatic emotions that did not bode well for any future conversation they were bound to have.

"What the hell are you doing with this guy, L?"

"Besides the obvious?" The quip was sudden and sharp, proving that the man's patience was indeed on its fraying edges. "I didn't think you were _that _naïve, Mihael."

"That's not what I meant, you jackass!" Growling out several more explicit phrases that L didn't really care to hear, the dark-eyed detective added another sugar-cube into his lukewarm tea and sighed.

"What did you mean, then? Please be a bit more specific if you are going to yowl out insults at someone you haven't even _met _yet, Mihael."

"That's what I _mean_!" Sputtering out indignantly, Mihael nearly knocked his slice of chocolate cake off of the table as the people surrounding the tiny booth suddenly turned to L's table to see what the commotion was all about. "We haven't even _met him _yet! And you've been supposedly going out with him for over a _year_!"

Dark eyes twitched as the fingers holding the spoon stirring the saturated tea tightened imperceptibly, the blonde backing away at the sudden rush of anger washing over his friend. "If you recall, Mihael, he _was _going to meet you but-"

"Yeah, talk about freak-accidents." Mihael muttered under his breath, not noticing as L's own tepid stare began to glow with a flurry of emotions that even the pale-skinned detective himselfcouldn't understand. "Listen, I know you don't want to hear this and you'll probably ignore me for who knows how long for saying it, but haven't you thought, just _once _while getting to know this kid, that he might be _bad news_? I mean getting shot in broad daylight by some nameless gangster?! Who the hell _is this kid_, L?!"

L said nothing as he dropped his cup of tea onto the table and stood up, contently ignoring the frantic howl of rage his friend yipped in his direction as his leather pants caught the brunt of the spilled tea.

Pulling on his jacket, L took his cell-phone out of his pocket and walked out of the café with a sour frown shrouding his angular face.

'Damn Mihael…'

Yet a small voice had been implanted inside him after that visit; one that he couldn't wish away no matter how hard he tried.

'… _but haven't you thought, just once while getting to know this kid, that he might be bad news?_'

'Yes,' L admitted with a downtrodden frown, 'but not for the reasons you might think…'

* * *

"Another one." L whispered against the bare shoulder he was leaning against, his eyes dulled over by the former euphoria he had just experienced.

Lightly fingering the cut trailing across the boy's abdomen, L almost missed the wince the college student emitted before turning over, arms feeling empty as that expanse of beautiful skin shifted away from their embrace.

_Almost._

"How many more are you hiding from me, I wonder?" The detective stared at the back of his boyfriend's neck as the hair obscuring the soft skin underneath it shifted to reveal another angry laceration. "And not just wounds of the physical variety, Light."

"I didn't want you to worry." Light muttered, lips forming a thin line as small bursts of light from the slightly-opened shades of the window across the room illuminated random patches of his body. "It was a stupid fight, anyway. Guy barely got a couple slices in before I got him with a couple of right hooks."

"Why don't you keep them bandaged up if you do not want me to worry?" L wondered, his voice strangely detached and out of place considering the state he was in.

Light peeked over his shoulder, eyes shrouded by the darkness overlapping them both.

"Do you want me to from now on?"

L quietly contemplated the question, his own fingers timidly pressing against the edges of the abrasion hidden beneath the soft mass of hair he so loved.

Of course he didn't want to see Light's pain immortalized so cruelly onto his flesh-

Hazel brown eyes lowered as the harmless question hung awkwardly over the strained silence.

But…

There was a trust hanging between them that those lack of wraps seemed to represent; a brutal honesty that L had strived for and Light was only now just willing to give.

It hurt to see Light hurt.

He wished to take that pain away.

He wished he could bleed that blood himself and make him cry (_only because the boy barely knew what it was like to feel such emotion out loud_) and take in every single howl, grimace and ache so that Light wouldn't have to feel as if it were only _his _burden; so that the torment was just _Light's _to hold onto.

"No."

But he couldn't.

And because he couldn't, Light was willing to do the only thing that could even come close to salvaging both his and L's pride-

Light nodded as he smoothed the ebony locks of hair hanging over his own dismal gaze and turned back around, the covers slipping just over the angry cut that appeared to be barely healing.

'_Thank you_.'

He shared it with him.

* * *

"Well?" L muttered into the phone, his work-office as messy as his boyfriend would have expected it to be if asked. The plain white walls of the large room were barely visible as numerous bookcases filled with case-files and an obscene amount of books of different varieties obscured them almost entirely, the grassy color of the carpeting complimenting the dark oak doors quite nicely. Fingers tapped against the matching desk, mounds of paperwork filled with smudges of ink and uncapped pens littering the hefty amount of space the work-area had to offer.

L grimaced as the voice on the other line stalled, his eyes narrowing as he realized just how much he would have to sacrifice in order to continue his… _pursuit_ of sorts.

"It shouldn't be that difficult to track down one man, Mail." The raven-haired investigator slurred as he leaned back against his tall swivel-chair. "I've given you all the information you'll need; you should be able to continue from here without any sort of problem or-"

A rushed sigh escaped his lips as the raised voice hysterically screeching in his ear reached new heights.

"Mail, please tell Mihael that I can hear everything that he is saying, and that _no_, I do _not _appreciate his lack of common decency when it comes to speaking of my significant other; _especially when I am within hearing range_." Holding back a flinch at the loud strings of slurred swears being muttered over the voice still attempting to calmly speaking to him on the phone, L simply counted his blessings and wondered if splitting Mail and Mihael up would make his 'newest' investigation all the more fruitful. "If that is all either of you has to say, I'll shall leave you to what you were doing and ask that you only call when there is a _real _problem. I have enough on my hands without having to worry about whether or not I need to look over my shoulder to make sure that Light isn't stalking my every move."

Hanging up without so much as a goodbye, L quietly turned his back to the room and glanced back at the enormous window set just behind his desk. Taking a deep breath, L decided that it wouldn't do him any good to mope around his office where none of his work would be done or no new cases would be uncovered.

'I wonder if Light's home already…?'

* * *

"If you could change one thing about the life you've lived so far, what would it be?"

The question took L off-guard; a certain anxiety he was sure would envelope him whenever Light would ask him about anything of personal importance.

Even after everything they had both been through together, Light still guarded a majority of his secrets with a ferocity that even L himself could not fathom, and whenever the usually-tentative brunette broached any subject with such brutal honesty (_and curiosity_) it always put the detective on edge.

After a moment of serious self-reflection, L turned to his lover and thought of the nature of the question and how it could have applied to the not-so-starry-eyed student laying next to him on the couch.

For Light, the answer to the question was relatively simple. He knew that L knew about his stint on the streets and was not ashamed (_exactly_) of the scars he paid as a price for such past behaviors. His body had never been all that important to him, so long as his mind remained intact, he could survive any disfigurement.

His present vanity, something L had thought was always inherently there, was a spoiled aspect created by the routine of his mother's delicate upbringing after years of trying to appease her while still attempting to salvage what little of his personality hadn't been scarred by the violence surrounding him at the time. But it was not a necessary trait in the grand scheme of things; on more than one occasion Light had proven just how much he actually _didn't _care about his appearance.

Light had outgrown the fundamentality of his good looks after being forced to participate in beatings that had chipped away at his godly good looks leaving him slightly haggard and just a bit… well, _mortal _for lack of a better term_._

Not that that wasn't attractive to L. There was a certain perfection to Light's _im_perfection that made him such a delightful little paradox; even if Light didn't see it the same way as L, he did not doubt that his experiences had worn him down enough so that any delusions of grandeur he could have had were ripped away from him, and he was ok with that.

The boy did not regret much, but the little he did feel remorse for (_his family's collapse, his inevitable downward spiral, the innocents burned in his path, the damage he could never reverse towards the people he cared about, no matter how hard he tried_) was a burden on his back that he knew he would never be able to fully relinquish onto another person, no matter _how _stubborn or completely pig-headed they were.

But now, the question was flipped on its rear, and L had to put himself in Light's place.

What _would _he change?

Whereas Light had so many instances to look back on and have difficulty choosing, L found himself thinking along the same lines-

And it was at that moment that L realized just how _little _Light truly knew about him.

He had always inwardly complained about the lack of communication between Light and himself, but when it came down to it, he was just as much to blame as the light-haired college student staring at him with those soulful molten-amber eyes.

"Everything." L reluctantly responded. "I couldn't just pick one thing; I'd want to change everything. I've never had anything I didn't want to change except-"

The words were swallowed as L closed his eyes, a headache steadily strumming through his head.

"You were the first 'good' bad thing I've ever had come tromping through my life." L stated, his eyes still closed as warm fingers traced the contours of his bony cheeks and thin lips. "And that's something I _wouldn't _change if it means anything."

"But… there's absolutely _nothing_ that sticks out in your mind?" Giving the older man a skeptical glance, the look on Light's face showed that he knew better than to trust the sweet words and near blank expression encompassing the detective's face. "C'mon, L…"

"… … I…" He tried not to fumble with his words before letting a stone-dead silence wash over him, dark eyes blurry with distant memories and over-examined regrets. "My mother."

Light's eyes brightened automatically, tilting his head up from L's shoulder as he picked his legs off the floor and folded them over the couch.

"Out of everything, I'd wish I was around more for her before she died." L finished his thought, eyes still glazed over with thought. "That's what I would change."

_That's what I regret most._

Closing his eyes, L felt the boy's head move from his shoulder down to his lap, that warm body draping over his own like a blanket of affection.

They didn't have many moments like this.

"Maybe we're more alike than you think, L…" Light muttered under his breath, making L wonder whether or not he was supposed to hear the miniscule comment breathed across his jeaned thighs.

'Yeah…'

But it was always nice while it lasted.

* * *

"What are you doing, Light?" L murmured with outright amusement, his lips twitching with a smile he refused to give into. "You know how sensitive your sister is."

Light simply shrugged as he smirked, Sayu's outraged screech ignored for the most part. "I don't know what you're talking about, L."

"You… you…" Pointing at the near-hysterical men on the verge of breaking out into laughter, the young girl fumed. "You're both POOPIE-HEADS! Hmph! See if I ever give you anymore candy, L!"

The brunette sitting across the now-pouting raven-haired man finally hit his limit as he gaped at the expression now covering the detective's face before letting out a smooth guffaw that made even Sayu smile, his flushed cheeks and parted lips creating a perfect image of unbridled happiness.

Taking in the sight of gorgeousness for what it was, L felt his own lips twitch upwards as a hand came up and covered the still-laughing mouth, wrist pointed outward whilst the tips of Light's fingers brushed against his nose.

At first, L didn't notice it.

All he could see was Light and the smile and those bright, _bright _eyes…

Until his world narrowed onto that rugged wrist unconsciously presented to him, internally freezing until all he could feel was _cold _and _bitter _and _just so __**angry**_-

L felt his lips thin as he stared at his boyfriend's burnt and scratched wrist, Light smiling as Sayu began to tug at her ponytail in faux-frustration. The veins were barely visible over the newly scarred skin, blue tinted scar tissue faded a shiny pink. The long dark sleeve covered the patch of skin once Light shifted his hand away from his face, eyes still shining with amusement.

"L?"

Glancing up at light-brown eyes now teary from continuous laughter, the inconspicuous investigator tried to block out his own emotions and concentrate on the here and now.

But he didn't forget.

Light made another comment, something L didn't quite hear as his concentration was subtly brought back to that wrist and the markings laced over it.

_He couldn't forget._

* * *

"Well, aren't we in such a _great _mood today?" Mail muttered underneath his breath, dropping the large on top of the older man's desk with barely a glance in his direction. "I can see why Mihael is so bitchy all the time if this is the new attitude you've adopted, L."

"What new attitude?" L snapped, his lips barely twitching downward in a semblance of a frown.

"He's breaking you down and making you into something you're not." Mail deadpanned, his face as serious as it could ever be. "Both Mihael and I feel as if we don't even know you anymore."

"Stop it."

"No, you need to hear this, L! You think that doing this is gonna make you a hero or something? If he finds out you've been going behind his back and doing this, your little lover boy isn't going to fall over himself and proclaim his love for you!" Flailing about in a show of disgruntled exasperation, the frustrated redhead seemed to practically blow apart at the seams. "If anything, he'd probably spit in your face and call you an idiot for even wasting your time!"

"Are you alright, Mail?" Was the drawled out response to his explosion, making Mail growl under his breath à la Mihael. "I didn't realize that my relationship issues were now you and Mihael's business; especially since the both of you are most likely the last two people on Earth to be attempting to give me any sort of advice when you have issues of your _own _you should be taking care of instead of degrading my own lover and insulting _me_."

Warring sparks of regret and rage battled with those twin pools of green, but before Mail could form any kind of coherent thought within the bubbling ocean of anger he seemed to be drowning in, L took care of that for him and rolled his eyes. "Thank you for your time, but I believe it may be time for you to leave before you say something both of us will come to regret."

Which was code for 'another word out of your mouth, and I'll _fire you_ without a second thought'.

Not heeding the warning for what it was, Mail spun around and began to stomp away from the large desk. "Damn L… if this is you in love, I would hate to see you in the aftermath."

The whisper, the murmured quietly, still hung onto L even after there was no one left in the office except for him and his thoughts.

In an attempt to pull himself back from his needless thoughts and shaking hands, the detective shrugged as he pushed the folder into one of the many drawers within his desk, eyes desolate as the door to his office slammed shut.

'You're not the only one, Mail_…_'

* * *

"I'll miss you." Light whispered as he sat up on the bed, L nearly tripping over his feet before spinning around and meeting his lover's warm stare. Suitcase in one hand and doorknob still held within the other, L blinked as he attempted to steady his quickening heartbeat.

"I didn't think you were awake." L quietly admitted, finally letting go of the doorknob. "You need your rest, Light."

"Will you at least kiss me before you go?" The detective didn't even to hesitate as he spun back around and trailed back to the 19-year-old placed modestly on the bed, eyes still heavy with sleepiness.

'As if that question needed an answer.' Both men thought to themselves as L leaned forward and gently placed a chaste kiss to the boy's lips, feeling his lover's weariness through the expressive shakes and the fluttering of his eyelids as they drooped over his cheeks and threatened to close altogether.

L parted from his lover with a small smile and a tiny wave. Only once was his back turned did the suddenly tense figure still in bed slump over himself, eyes downcast as he held his head in his hands.

'Why won't you tell me what's going on…?'

Light smiled sadly as he thought back to just last year, when it had been L in his position and Light the one walking out without a barely a goodbye.

Turnabout was _never _fair play.

* * *

"God, it's like you're never fucking _satisfied_! What the fuck else do you want from me, L?! Don't you get it; this is me! I'm not gonna suddenly change and fulfill every single one of your delusional ass fantasies!" Huffing out a rather undignified exhalation of breath, Light crossed his arms over his chest and briefly wondered how asking L about his day had somehow evolved into…

Well, _this_.

"I'm trying more than I have ever had to ever before." Ignoring the rabid look on his lover's face, Light shook his head as he tried to move around him and get his coat; he couldn't keep up with L's moods at times, and he was supposedly the manic one. "I can't help it if you always want _more_, even if I can't give it."

Grabbing the college student's arm before he could fly past him, L felt the righteous anger gnawing at his insides implode into something much more ugly and irrational until all he wanted to do was _get rid of it_-

"No, you don't get to walk out of here this time!"

"What right do you have to tell me what I can and can't do?!" Trying to pull his arm out of L's grasp, an edge of hysteria lingered within the boy's voice; L, though, could not hear it through the fog of rage still clouding his senses. "You're not my father; you have no right to keep me here if I don't WANT TO BE!"

"Every time we have an argument you don't get to up and leave as if it's your damn prerogative, Light! What, we don't talk for a week and then we forget this ever happened; I can't DO that anymore, Light. We've moved _past _that!"

"Listen, if you don't let go of me _right now_-"

"What, you'll try to hit me? I'm not one of those assholes you let manhandle you, Light."L scoffed at the wide-eyed gape thrown in his direction, a tinge of maliciousness curdling within his voice. "I'm not an idiot. Did you really think that I wouldn't figure it out when every time we _fuck_ I find a new damn bruise or cut? Not even _you _are that good of a liar, Light."

"This is what this is all about." Light blinked, lips trembling with nervousness. The grip on his arm tightened painfully, new bruises already appearing underneath the clenched fingers. "You think I _let them _do those things to me. You… are such a fucking moron. After _everything_; everything I gave up and gave _you_, you think that I just sit there and take it, that everything I basically told you was a lie."

"_Stop it, Light_."

Both men weren't sure just who it was that was actually trembling or who was filled with the most disbelief and anger and _chaotic _confusion on just what was true and not, but the two sets of different colored eyes seemed to be filled with the same type of emotions; it was strange to see so much of one's self in the other with how different they truly were, but more than anything it was utterly _exhausting_ and they were both hitting their _damn limits_-

"I might take beatings and maybe I let them touch me; that's what you wanna hear isn't it?" The instigating tone within the former gang-member's voice was breaking L down even further, every single dimmed down accusation that had floated around in his brain being shoved into his face by the same person centering within each one. "Maybe I let them kiss me and cut me, maybe I let them hold me while they _hit _me; because they might be sick fucks, but hey, if you're in for a fuck, you tend to do strange thin-"

He wasn't sure how it happened.

He could see Light's mouth moving, still, but it was like the words became a jumbled mush and everything he _had _heard was spinning around in his head on repeat; it was like he was outside his own body, watching everything that he himself had hoped to never see.

Grappling-

Kissing-

Biting-

Punching-

Everything became a _blur_.

Light crumpled within himself as he stared up at the shaking detective, his cinnamon-brown eyes wide and full of anger, pain and… _fear_?

L gulped as he took a tentative step forward, the large mark now covering the boy's cheek making him flinch in shame-

"Don't come near me!"

The sharp statement wasn't unexpected, but the sudden rage and despair lingering over Light's gaze made the older man want to throw up; L had never wanted to be the source of such vile emotion within his lover.

"Don't come near me…" Light mumbled, ducking his head as he laid his head over his knees. "Don't… come near me…"

Dropping onto the floor, L slowly made his way over to the younger man now curled up in a ball, the shame transforming into something much more ugly and sinister; a self-hatred he hadn't known before invaded every precipice of his being until all he knew was a deprecating loathing.

He had done this.

L had done this to _his_ _Light_.

Wasn't he supposed to _protect him _from this?

Brushing back a stray bang with a quivering finger, Light finally looked back up at the man kneeling before him, teary honey eyes full of the same kind of shame.

The words they couldn't say hung in between them as the silence grew and grew and grew…

The sun finally set behind them in a fiery explosion of color, leaving the two men in complete and absolute darkness.

* * *

Weeks.

He hadn't seen Light in weeks.

Or had it been days?

Staring at his wall, L mindless tilted his head to the side and bit his lip.

He couldn't remember.

The 27-year-old detective let his head fall back against the wall supporting his body, closing his eyes as he sighed.

Did it even matter…?

Grabbing his phone, L absently flipped through his contacts and stalled as he hit Light's name and number.

_It always mattered when it came down to him and Light._

* * *

It taken him a near month to break down and finally search for the boy, even though his bruised ego had protested against doing actually doing so and his common sense had told him to leave the matter alone; Light would come back when he wished to, not when L expected him to.

He couldn't help it, though.

L was _addicted _at this point, and going so long without his fix was no longer feasible.

Raising his shaking fist in the air, L winced at the sudden noise created by his own hand, hoping against hope that he would see that familiar mop of hazelnut-colored eyes and caramelized eyes he so missed-

"L!" Sachiko cried out as she opened the door, her face set in relief. "L, oh my goodness, thank God you're here! Have you seen Light?!"

"What…?" Immediate panic set inside L as he quickly entered the apartment, wide dark eyes cold and disturbed. "How long… how long has he been gone?!"

"I don't know, a week and some days?" Pulling at her short hair, Sachiko silently paced as her son's boyfriend sat down and stared at her intently, apparently waiting for answers that only she could give. "He used to do this before… before…"

_Before you came bum-rushing into his life and gave him something to hold onto._

"But it's been so long since he's done this and he's usually only gone for a couple of days…" Holding back a sob, the middle-aged mother collapsed onto the couch as L stood frozen by the doorway, not sure how to deal with the situation (_it was so easy to manipulate the situation when it wasn't your own personal investments in danger_) as a whole. "I don't know what to do… I can't call the police, I don't know where he could be and before he left, he had this look on his face; almost as if he gave something up or something! It was…"

Hands trembling against his sides, L gulped.

"It was heart-breaking." Sachiko finished, face stained with silvery tracks of tears. "I've never seen him like that before. The only time that an expression like that came even close was when his fa-Ah."

Pulling himself out of his dumb-down stupor, the investigator smiled slightly as he nodded before going to the door. "I understand."

And he did.

_He did_.

"I'll gather everything I know about him and see if I can find him," Sachiko gave the man a grateful nod as she wiped away the trails of tears from her face, eyes gleaming with appreciation. "I won't stop until I find him; I _promise_."

Breaking away from the woman staring at him almost expectantly, L made his way out of the apartment and pulled his jacket closer to his person.

'_I'll find you…_'

He had to.

He just _had to_.

* * *

"So, you're the infamous L."

L blinked as he stared up at the bespectacled man standing in front of him, mentally thanking Mail in his head for the address stuck half-hazardously within his folder perched within the confines of his desk.

A folder set up with a specific purpose…

"And you must be Mikami Teru." L stated, not surprised that Light's acquaintance knew who he was without a proper introduction. If they were even half as sneaky as Light, they were dangerous enough… "It's very nice to meet, even if they are under… mysterious circumstances.

"Hm." Mikami gave the man a quick perusal before shaking his head in clear amusement. "He's not here, so don't even ask."

"Do you know where-"

"Of course I don't." Feeling a bit miffed about being cut off, L felt his eye twitch in agitation. "Doesn't tell me anything he thinks I might not want to hear, because unlike him, I'm not so heavy about breaking the law. Even _if _I know I won't get caught."

"I see." L couldn't halt the progression of curses and swears that rampaged through his thoughts, his only lead a figurative bust. "Do you at least have any idea on where he might be?"

For a split second, a mournful gleam sparkled at the edge of Mikami's tough façade, dark brown eyes just as meaningful as a person who actually _cared _for another person _should look like._

"Trust me, L. If I knew where he was… he would be here with me instead."

And just like that the door was practically closed on L's face, and he was right back where he started.

Confused.

Alone.

And so, so terrified.

* * *

There was blood on his doorknob.

L felt his heart stop within his chest, the dark shadows under his sleepless eyes making them appear larger than they actually were.

Almost two weeks of constant searching for clues, never-ending questions and unending aches and pains, and there was blood.

On.

His.

_Doorknob_.

Carefully maneuvering his fingers until they were covered by his coat's sleeve, L pushed the door open with a tiny jingle of the doorknob and nearly fell over at the sight covering his kitchen floor.

Naked feet sprinkled with tiny lacerations and what seemed to be dirty glass and long legs covered by dirt-and-blood splattered jeans led up to a nearly bare torso, battered and cut-up in various places that weren't covered by the shredded jacket hanging off of the shoulders. The smooth neck he loved to lavish unneeded affection to was decorated with various fingerprints and scabs, tracks of dried blood trailing up the wounded surface of skin to meet a swollen face, eyes closed and shaded with bruised darkly-colored skin. Sandy-brown locks lay disheveled and dirty over the boy's forehead, his awkward sprawl on the floor showing off his new wounds quite spectacularly as the bright kitchen light emphasized what the late night darkness that usually shaded the two men usually couldn't.

A tiny movement from the twisted-together fingers mapped out against the once-pristine floors broke L out of his frozen state, a bedraggled cough shaking the weak body as those pinched red-rimmed eyes opened in slits.

Quickly rushing to his lover's side, L sighed in relief as those weak arms carefully reached up so that he could pull them up-

_As if there had been a doubt that he wouldn't._

"I didn't… know where else to go." Light admitted, his eyes blurry with pain. Hands that weren't his own smoothed out the contours of his pain-wracked features, cool touches _refreshing_ in almost every way. "I didn't _want _to go anywhere else."

Holding him close within his arms, L shuddered as that warm breath hit his neck and everything, _everything_ felt right again.

_It didn't matter that Light was hurt for the matter; he was back here, where it was safe. L would make sure it stayed that way, no matter what._

Tears lashed against his own corneas as those arms loosened in exhaustion, the boy's eyes completely shut and almost relaxed under the strain of pain overwhelming his body.

"Why is it every time I find you like this," L pulled himself within the unconscious boy's loose embrace, eyes wet and stinging, "_I'm_ the one crying?"

If Light had been awake, he would have laughed.

It figured that all he was good for…

Was making L cry.

* * *

It was quiet.

L smiled as he closed his bedroom door behind him, the slim form shrouded underneath the dark covers draped over it trembling in the middle of his mattress.

"Light?" Though the shaking did not decrease, a tuft of hazel-brown hair peeked over the mountain of sheets piled upon the bed, golden-amber eyes glowing within the darkness the room had to offer. "Are you alright, Light?"

Still, it was quiet.

Two days, and the silence that had clouded over them refused to release the two stubborn men from its shackles.

"Light…?"

Why did it have to be so _quiet_?

Sitting down on the mattress beside the now-unmoving lump invading his bed, L slowly raked his fingers through the splayed out hair poking out from underneath the covers, his mouth opening and speaking without his consent.

"I could say I'm sorry a thousand times and it still wouldn't make this any better, would it?" Turning his head to the side, L glanced over at the large window that was still shielded by the shades. "I promised myself that I wouldn't ever make you hurt, you know. And what's the first thing I do when both of our guards are finally down? It's obvious that you think that you're the more fucked up one in this room, but I can assure you that that's not exactly the case."

The more he spoke, the more L himself felt as if _he himself _understood the situation at hand. Little by little, his soul became a bit lighter to carry and those light-brown eyes began to appear from under their fortress of cloth.

"I've never been very well-versed in social contracts. Even my own parents felt… awkward around me. Why shouldn't my lovers feel the same as well?" L chuckled darkly, thinking on past romances… if you could even call them that. "But I wanted to be different with you. You were… you reminded of myself, when I was younger and not all the well-adjusted in the world. I never got into fights; not physically, like you did. I always battled with my mind. Hell, even my professors and bosses couldn't keep up with me. So in turn, they attempted to use my own emotions to their advantage…"

"I suppose if I am in any way guarded and cold, my own peers are to blame. How do you differentiate friend from foe when everyone holds the same cards and ill-intentions within their hands? But I wanted to take a chance with you, Light. Even if it was all just a charade, I would have continued on if it meant being able to hold onto you…" Frowning, L finally moved his gaze away from the window and stared down the set of golden-brown set of eyes now carefully listening to his every word. "We both have scars, Light. I just hide mine within the confines of my mind, ashamed of what they mean to me. Out of the both of us, you were always the stronger one. I just haven't been able to admit it until now."

"I don't know what I can do to make this right," Light felt his chest constrict, those dark eyes penetrating as always, even as the vulnerability filling those depths consumed him completely and that voice continued on as if there was no hitch within its tone or the watery texture of his eyes wasn't apparent, "or if I even deserve a second chance. I suppose you were right when you said that I was someone who would never be satisfied with what I had. Even… even you."

A hand crawled out from their sheet-made cocoon and grabbed a hold on the detective's own unsteady limb, those eyes still vigilant in their stare.

Though he still didn't say a word, the quiet wasn't _nearly _as suffocating as before.

* * *

Light smiled as he hugged his mother and sister, the tears staining the older woman's cheeks nothing compared to glittery globs of liquid falling off Sayu's.

"Light! Don't you EVER do that to me ever again, do you understand young man?!" Pulling back from her son's embrace, Sachiko nearly pulled out his ear before slapping him behind his head. "I was worried out of my mind, and God knows how this affected L and your sister!"

"I'm sorry," the now timid-looking 19-year-old nearly cooed as his mother brushed back his disorderly hair, for once out of its usually immaculate style. "I didn't mean to disappear like that; I…"

Sachiko nodded as she heard the unspoken message, pulling her son back into her embrace before moving her stare over to L, who stood just over Light's left shoulder.

"_Thank you._" She mouthed, smiling slightly as her son pulled back and glanced back over at L as well.

"Yeah! I knew L would be the one to bring big brother home!" Grabbing onto her mother, Sayu practically jumped the unsuspecting detective and strangled him with a bear hug. Giggling at her daughter's overly-affectionate ways, Sachiko demurely did the same, shaking her head as the 27-year-old became tense in their embrace. "L is such an awesome boyfriend, isn't he Light?!"

L stumbled back as both mother and daughter then proceeded to attempt to strangle him via hugging the crap out of him, uncomfortably surrounded by laughing women as his lover guffawed in the background.

* * *

"What did they do to you?"

Light blinked as he stared up at the ceiling, the familiar vision comforting him as the vestiges of his nightmare faded back into the oblivion they had been conjured from.

The question, however, had slowly been filtered into his consciousness, and from the hands gently kneading his shoulders and the body hovered over from, eyes now blocking his view of the lovely ceiling, he knew he couldn't _not _answer it at this point.

"What?"

But once again, it wasn't like Light to at least _try _to avoid the inevitable.

"You heard me." L whispered against his ear, taking in the frantic quivers of the other's body and painful scowl unconsciously written across Light's lips and nearly gagging at the thoughts now circulating his head. "What did they do to you?"

It was a loaded question and they both knew it.

"What _didn't_ they do to me?" The golden-skinned young man whispered in his lover's ear, his voice hoarse from yells he could not remember and gasps he wished to never repeat.

For once, L didn't continue with his questioning as Light reached for the lamp and turned it on.

* * *

He had spent a long time abstinent before Light came along.

It was not to say that L was a _virgin_ or anything, but he wasn't one of those guys (_like Light_) who went out every other Saturday night looking for a good drunken screw.

But almost two years in his… _relationship_, and he was, surprisingly, being denied the one constant that had been set within their relationship.

It wasn't that L was just with Light for the sex (_though L would have to be a moronic liar to say it wasn't fantastic_), but the worriment from before only intensified once Light stopped any and all physical interaction.

He had seen and caressed every part of the boy's being; the scars nothing new, the wounds not bothersome in the least. It wasn't as if L enjoyed watching his lover suffer, he was just _used to it_.

But…

All touching had ceased, and L was not one to be oblivious to the signs, no matter how much he wished he could be.

"_What did they do to you?"_

He hadn't thought much of it at the time.

Simply wanted to help his lover at time of such obvious distress.

Now, all he wanted to do was _hurt _whoever had damaged what was his and take them _apart _with his own _bare hands_…

"_What did they do to you?" _

Light's silence…

It had been the only answer he had needed.

"_What did they do to you?"_

How had he _survived_?

Whatever the extent of the tortures Light had suffered on those miscreant's hands, L knew a normal person wouldn't have been able to handle it.

"_What did they do to you?"_

Maybe it was better if he _didn't_ find out…

* * *

"I'll be back in a little while," L calmly explained, his boyfriend's skeptical stare almost freezing him in his tracks. "I'll call you when I'm on my way home."

"Ok." Light nodded obediently for once, not a word of protest falling from his lips.

That right there should have set off L's 'Light's about to do something bat-shit-crazy' meter.

"Great." Kissing him lightly on the cheek, L grabbed his bag as he went to walk out of the apartment, not noticing the gleam within his lover's eye as he did so.

Prowling off the couch, Light turned off the TV and grabbed his sneakers.

He had feeling today was going to be a _long _day.

* * *

"This is in-_sane_…" Mail muttered as he pulled out the cigarette from his lips, the cloud of smoke hitting his eyes comforting even as it stung his now-unprotected gaze. "L, you do realize just how _crazy _this is, right?"

Mihael rolled his eyes as he leaned back against the wall of the abandoned factory they were circling around. "Shut up, Mail. We're here already so stop your bitching."

The redhead sneered as he took another drag from his cigarette before stomping it out on the ground, green eyes blazing with annoyance. "That's funny; don't I usually end up saying that to your bitch-ass instead of the other way around?"

L coughed before the two men could start another cat-fight of sorts, pointing up at the old rickety ladder leading up to the half-wrecked fire-escape twirling around the back part of the building.

"I'm going in."

"Right. We'll wait right her-SHIT!" Wincing as Mihael grabbed his ear and pulled him in L's direction, Mail sputtered rather indignantly. "C'mon, Mihael, can't I just-"

"Shut the hell up and let's go!"

* * *

"So that's him, huh?" Mihael quietly asked against L's ear, the three men pressed up against each other as they surveyed the large room the apparent meeting was being held. Mail nodded as he pushed the tape-recorder back into the interior pocket of his furry vest, the large oafish man sitting above the group of miscellaneous boys and men spouting on and on about the importance of loyalty… "Seems like your lover-boy _definitely _pissed off the wrong people, L."

"Hm." Pushing himself out of the tiny darkly-lit hobble of space, L felt his cheek twitch in agitation. "Mihael, go give the signal to the other's, Mail, stay right here and keep recording."

"L, I know you're running love-blind right now, but this is _not _part of our job description…"

"What the hell are you doing?! Do you _want _to get murdered?!"

"Just _do as I say_!" L snapped, his dark-gray eyes centered on the half-mob encircling the interior of the large building.

Mail bit his lip as he stayed where he was, Mihael a bit more reluctant as he slowly moved away from their hiding place before scurrying out the way they came in. Knowing that he was most likely going to feel a new world of pain within the next few minutes, L felt a slight pinch of longing attack him unexpectedly.

'I knew I should have held him a bit longer this morning…'

* * *

Light sighed as he stared out at the crowd, not appearing the least bit cowed as his lover stared at him with anxious surprise.

The look on his face was quite apparent, honey-brown eyes twitching with agitation.

_How did I know you were going to do something stupid?_

"If it _ain't _little ol' Light back home so soon after our little lesson of love!" The large bulky man halted in his movements, lowering his gun from L's face as he did so. "Heh. I _knew _you'd be back sooner or later, kiddo… and luckily enough, you came just as things are about to get _oh so fun_!"

"Not quite." Light shrugged as he casually made his way through the men practically jumping aside at the sight of him. "You have something that belongs to me is all, and I've come here to claim it back."

"_Excuse me_?! I don't need nothin' of yours." Shoving L aside, the narrowed-eyed gang leader stepped off his little 'pedestal' to meet Light halfway. "And don't talk to me that way, kid! I give the order and the only way you get out of here is in a _body bag_!"

Snorting in distaste, Light glanced over his shoulder as a sudden crash was heard and stomps of angry men echoed within the large room. "Then you better do it quick, Asai, because you don't have much time it seems."

"You fucking little son of a bitch!" Asai yowled as he moved forward, his gun held out in front of him and ready to shoot. Light kept his position, his eyes stone-like and dead. Just as the Asa went to pull the trigger, however, a thin figure covered in blood threw itself at him, kicking the gun out of his hands just he twisted out onto the ground.

L coughed as he blinked, sprawled out on the ground as a familiar pair of sneakers ran towards him.

'Run… away…'

Before anyone else could pull out their own weapons and attempt to shoot either of them in cold blood, the most beautiful phrase L had ever heard reverberated within the building.

"FREEZE OR WE'LL SHOOT!"

The worried features of his boyfriend's still-bruised face were the last thing L saw before he succumbed to his own version of heavy sleep and forgetful dreams.

* * *

"Why would you DO something SO STUPID?!"

L flinched as his boyfriend roughly pressed a washcloth to his still-bruised face and growled rather animalistically, honey-brown eyes narrowed and tinted red under the artificial light of his bedroom.

Honestly, L didn't have an answer towards Light's question, but from the look on the lovely brunette's face, he was sure one wasn't necessary.

"So…?" L barely coughed out, his body bruised beyond belief. "Ok?"

"The paramedics did a quick run over with you while you were out cold, but the doctor came in a little while ago before you woke up." Light calmly (_or as calmly as he could_) explained. "You don't have any broken bones, though you do have a heavy case of bruised-as-shit ribs. You didn't suffer any head injuries and they said you passed out from blood loss. You're fine."

"… … You?"

"They didn't touch me. And surprisingly the cops didn't think of anything when they saw me; some redhead told them I was an acquaintance of yours and that I had nothing to do with the situation at hand." Light snorted before pulling the washcloth away from L's face. "I'm sure Asai and some of the others will have something _different _to say about that…"

"You… don't worry." L smiled as he laid back, the drugs he was currently taking in via I.V. relaxing him despite the stringent worry pulling at his emotions. "I'll… take care of… it."

"That's not the point, L. I didn't want you involved with this for a reason! I didn't report them when they beat the shit out of me so that something like this _wouldn't _happen!" The usually mellowed voice cracked as tears clung to Light's lashes, staring down at L's form as if it were his worst nightmare come to life. And from the way he was speaking, it seemed it _was_. "Not to my mother, not to Sayu and… and not to _you_. Why… Why couldn't you _understand_ that? It wasn't just about what was good for _me_, but for _you_ _too_…"

Slowly bringing his arms up to grasp Light's shoulder despite the sluggish heaviness invading his limbs (_damn drugs_), L smiled tiredly. "I… didn't want you… to hurt anymore."

Not able to hold it in any longer, the younger man practically collapsed into the dark-haired investigator's embrace, burying his head into the other's shoulder as a warm wetness soaked through the thin sheet of papery-linen the gown L had on. "Don't you get it?! It hurts me more to see you like this than any punch to the face possibly could! Why did you have to do something like that, L? I can't… I can't lose you too! I _refuse_!"

Though L didn't wish to admit it, watching Light breakdown like this was _amazing_. It wasn't as if he had never seen the multiple facets of his lover's personality, nor could he claim that he had never seen him near-hysterical, but this was the first time that such rabid emotional wreckage was created because of _him_.

It shouldn't have made him feel so good.

_But it did_.

'I must be even sicker than Light if I can take such pleasure in his obvious pain in my condition…' L thought, though not for the first time.

Patting the boy on his head, the detective sighed as his eyes closed and he drowned in black once more.

He knew when he woke, he still have his Light.

* * *

"Light…?"

The boy said nothing as he stared out the window, their bedroom (_theirs, not just his anymore_) growing cold from the air coming in through the tiny opening. Shirtless and shivering, L stared at the multiple scars intricately roving up the brunette's back as he drew little designs against the cold sheet of fog congesting the pane of glass in front of him.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." Light admitted quietly, his bare back (_so full of scars and faded bruises_) now tense under L's morose scrutiny.

"When have I ever given you the impression that you have to be?" The detective smirked as he placed his chin on Light's shoulder, hands grasping at his sides. Shirtless himself, he almost laughed as a lethal came up and poked his side. "Are you tired?"

"Yeah." Light nodded as L pulled him away from the window, the dead of night no longer as welcoming as it used to be. "Yeah, I am."

"C'mon…"

Delving within the blankets, L smiled as Light lied back down on the pillows and closed his eyes.

No red.

No markings.

No bruises.

_Nothing._

* * *

It all started (_again_) with a touch of a hand.

It was like getting to know each other all over again, but that was ok.

Because this was _real_.

And that was all L had ever wanted for the both of them.

So he would remember that first _true _touch and all the ones that came after it with a fondness that matched the animosity he felt rumble within him whenever he thought about their first night together.

Smiling to himself, L closed his eyes and leaned against the warm body next to him, not sure how he got to this point, but loving it and hating it all the same-

Because this was _real_.

And even if it wasn't perfect, it didn't need to be.

Not just yet, anyway.


	3. Dance in the Dark

A/N: Hiiiii guyssss…

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MY LOVELIES! X3

Since I look upon all my loved ones as my valentines, that includes you guys too! And since I rarely leave this holiday without gifting the people I care about, here you go! Yeah, yeah, I added another part, but c'mon, most of you knew it would happen eventually. Hell, I might even just go along with the whole "Fame Monster" album and let this fucked up couple riiiideee it out. Lol! And please, if you're really content, I wouldn't mind a 'valentine' in return ***hint hint*** lol.

I've realized that a lot of people are torn about the characterization within this story/series. Some of you feel as if they are a bit OOC whilst some of you feel as if they're perfectly IC. Ha ha ha… what's my opinion you ask? Well, I think it's a bit complicated, so I won't go into detail, but let me put it this way…

There isn't just one way to keep a character 'in character'. ^.^ Besides, unless we're Ohba and squad, we're all pretty much keeping them out of character, aren't we? But I would love to continue hearing all of your opinions. They do indeed amuse me. XD

Hope you guys enjoy this monstrous train wreck! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own DN nor do I own "Dance in the Dark" by Lady Gaga. Now let me wallow in peace with my Vitamin Water plskthanx. T.T

* * *

"_Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track;_

_She won't walk away,_

_But she won't look back._

_She looks good_

_But her boyfriend says she's a mess;_

_She's a mess, she's a mess-_

_Now the girl is stressed;_

_She's a mess, she's a mess, she's a mess-_

_She's a mess!_

_Baby loves to dance in the dark_

'_Cuz when he's lookin'_

_She falls apart!_

_Baby loves to dance in the dark…_

_Baby loves to dance in the dark_

'_Cuz when he's lookin'_

_She falls apart!_

_Baby loves to dance,_

_Loves to dance in the dark_."

-"Dance in the Dark" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: _**Dance in the Dark**_

* * *

Light huffed out an exhalation of breath as he stumbled into the apartment, brown eyes rimmed red with exhaustion and alcohol. Throwing his jacket on the floor the 21-year-old college student giggled as he pulled off his shoes with his feet, body wobbly and unstable as he leaned against L's couch. Shushing himself rather idiotically (_L was still sleeping after all_) Light paddled over the obstruction in his way and sloppily leaned against the frame of the open door of L's bedroom, the pale figure tiredly sitting on the bed turning towards the wayward man still struggling to keep his balance.

"You're supposed to be sleeeeeping…" Light slurred as he chuckled, stripping off the tight tee-shirt held to his body with only a few buttons and tugging at his skin tight jeans so as to shuck them off as well. "What time did you come home?"

L sighed as he quietly slipped off the bed, taking the task of assisting his temporarily coordinately-challenged boyfriend with his sloppy stripping whilst enjoying the familiar slate of golden-brown skin being presented to him after a long day of work.

"A little after one." Kicking away the splotches of clothing now speckling their bedroom floor L slung an arm around his lover's waist and guided him to the bed, hiding his amusement horribly. "You're actually early for once."

"Nothing interesting to report," Light sighed against his boyfriend's neck, pressing a series of tiny butterfly kisses along the slant of pale skin turned murky by the darkness of the room. "Just some drunken crazies and horny college students out tonight… Nothing new or exciting…"

"Any of them remind you of anybody you used to know?" The dark-haired detective chuckled as he let the younger man push him onto the bed and crawl after him.

"Very funny…" Laying another small kiss on his collar bone, Light grinned as he stared at the collection of faded bruises littering the skin above the collar of L's shirt, hands slowly trailing up from underneath the starched fabric and gathering it right as it reached his armpits. "Up!"

"Right…" Laughing at his boyfriend's fiery impatience the dark-haired detective lifted up his arms and blinked at the flash of white appearing over his eyes as the fabric was swept off of his head. Grabbing the back of the younger man's head before he could say anything L pressed a sloppy kiss onto those mischievous lips he loved so much, the bitter aftertaste of alcohol lingering heavily over the tongue peeking out to meet his own. Light groaned, his inhibitions all but lost in the face of so much sensation and lack of cognitive thought.

Treading down from the tanned biceps underneath his palms towards the exposed midsection littered with faded scars the older man almost paused to revel in the uneven skin; a specific scar in particular lying just above the brunet's hipbone catching his attention as one hand hovered over its location.

Kneading the uneven surface of skin L let his lips pop away from Light's and trailed a series of kisses down his cheek and jawbone towards the pulse of his neck, feeling a pair of hands fall from his waist and pull at the button and zipper of his jeans with an impatience that rivaled his own. Letting the article of clothing fall with gravity, L stepped out of the pool of denim just as he pushed the college student back towards the bed, ignoring the groan of irritation sent in his direction as Light's back hit the fluffy mattress and the tangle of limbs that came within him.

"Ow…" Light moaned as L's knee bumped against his thigh, falling out of the mood for a moment in lieu of the painful clash of body parts and the lack of the buzz keeping him from experiencing such pain. "That hurt!"

"Light, shut up." To punctuate the statement (and make sure that the only uses his mouth had at that were for kisses and other much more pleasurable stimulation of the sexual kind) the slightly more aggressive of the two laid a quick uncoordinated kiss on top of the brunet's mouth before moving back down to his prior activities, catching the younger man's nipple with his teeth and tugging on it slightly before sucking on the now-erect nub.

Instead of continuing on with his complaint Light groaned, the steady ache in his thigh slowly diminishing as the tingles of warmth sparking within groin increased second by second. Letting his hands grip those smooth dark strands falling across his chest, Light grew much more impatient as L continued to lavish attention onto his chest; after the boring night he had had, he _refused _to have to add on lazy sex on top of it.

"C'mon…" The 21-year-old pouted, hazy chestnut eyes lowering as a tanned leg crept up the man's pale-skinned torso and wound about his waist. "Stop teasing, L…"

Slowly lowering his head so as to leave no spot untouched by his lips and massaging hands, L moaned as he reached that same scar as before and licked the malformed slant ripped against otherwise near-perfect skin. Smirking as the body beneath him bucked under the lavish attentions spent on the still-sensitive tissue beneath his mouth, long skeletal fingers continued down the track Light so desperately needed him to as slightly-chapped lips stayed right where they were.

"Mm…" Hissing out in relief as those same figures languidly traced his inner thigh, Light almost cried out as L suddenly bit the scar tissue and stroked his length all in the same moment. One hand still grasped onto those dark strands and one hand now clutching the sheets bunched up inside his palm, Light moaned while trying to keep still and revel in the dual sensations L was bestowing upon him.

"Stay still." L muttered to no avail, lowering his mouth from the scar and smirking at the tinge of red illuminating the glistening pinkish-gold outline of the beautiful blemish that stood apart from the others weaving themselves alongside Light's torso and back. Without meaning to (_or perhaps he did_), the younger man rolled his hips in rhythm to the slow pace of that hand slithering up and down his cock, not able to control himself as the thought of those lips wrapping themselves around his length nearly undid him entirely.

"I don't want to…" Light whined as L interspersed his groin with soft nips and kisses. "You're being such a little bitch tonight, L!"

"Don't act like you don't like it." The lighter man snickered as he brought both hands up and around the base of Light's penis and gently squeezed, staving off any form of release he could indulge in. Twirling his tongue around the head of the prominent erection laying within his hands, L stifled a chuckle at Light's scrunched up expression. "What?"

"A-asshole!" Light stuttered as he backed away slightly and sat up, his legs spread out on the bed as his torso was supported by one of his arms now stretched out behind him. The other hand still thrumming through the dark strands falling forward onto his lap moved down to the pale neck presented in front of him as careful lips maneuvered further down the college student's length and swallowed.

"Shit!" Which was Light code for 'I wasn't expecting that but you should probably do it again because it felt _really _good; 'k please thanks!'

It _almost _made L laugh thinking about it; and had he not been so preoccupied with what he was doing, he probably would have.

Light moaned incessantly as he watched his boyfriend's head bob continuously within his lap, his cheeks hollowing for every suck he gave. The hands around the base of his cock kept squeezing intermediately so as to keep him from coming, but the image of the act alone was enough to get off on, let alone the sensations that came with it. L slowly trailed his tongue alongside the sensitive slit on the tip of his lover's penis, the bitter taste of pre-cum leaving a strange aftertaste in the older man's mouth.

"Stop it!" Light finally gasped, not quite able to take it anymore. Gently pinching the sensitive skin of the man's neck, Light nudged the older man's side with the side of his knee and began pulling at his hair so as to bring his head up. "Not like this… don't wanna… like this…"

Letting the penis slide out of his mouth with a slight pop L brought his head up and smiled; Light's hand falling off of his shoulder and meeting the other pressed behind him as L pushed forward and suckled on the soft lower lip gently pouting at the sudden lost of contact.

Moving away from the delicious figure scrunched up against the headboard of their bed, a shaky hand opened the drawer next to them and ruffled about until a long dark-colored tube was clutched between long skinny fingers in a triumphant clasp. Uncapping it with a sloppy twist of a wrist, L almost cursed as Light began to chuckle, fumbling fingers doing little to take away from the brunet's amusement. Giving the boy a rather dirty look (_and not in the good way_), those same overly-excited hands squeezed out liberal amounts of clear jelly-like liquid onto their palms and let the substance pool over the ends of their digits as Light continued to smirk in personal satisfaction at the task at hand before lowering down onto the mattress completely.

Once again lowering himself over the length of his lover's body, L didn't even hesitate as he trailed down the boy's sculpted abdomen and past his groin area towards the entrance presented to him as those raised knees split open little by little. Gently placing a tiny kiss on the side of brunet's mouth as the first finger slipped inside the tiny opening, L wasn't surprised when he his upper lip was nipped for its trouble.

Swirling the digit around, another pale finger joined its companion as a battle for dominance resumed between the two men's mouths; supple tongues swirling against one another as blunt teeth nipped and gnawed at any piece of flesh caught within their grasp. Light gasped into the other's rabid kiss a moment after the third finger was added, the curling sensation pushing against the tiny bundle of nerves inside him causing him his legs to unconsciously shift closer to each other, unknowingly winding around L's thin waist as they did so. Slowly scissoring against the constricting flesh surrounding the tiny appendages, L moaned as he bucked his hips forward, teasing his own body with images of what would soon to be happening in just a little bit of time.

After a few minutes of being continually pushed and pulled back from the brink of release, Light finally relaxed his body enough to the intrusion without actually wanting to, not wanting to admit just how much he loved it when L fingered him, but reveling in the feeling in the sanctity of his mind.

Knowing that something a bit better lay just around the corner, he kept himself in a steady mindset, the sound of more lubricant being spilled onto L's fingers reassuring his own libido that it would _not _be forgotten. Closing his eyes from the sight of his boyfriend slathering that same substance onto the girth of his length, Light let out a tiny mewl and dug his hands into the familiar softness of L's skin.

The prodding push set against his sphincter barely warned him of the sudden entry just as L snapped his hips forward and took the breath out of him; the sight of Light's now snapped-open hazel eyes and the sound of the loud keen slipping past those flushed, plump lips reverberated down to the pale man's penis as he shuddered in return. Grabbing the back of Light's neck with one hand L forced his way into that delectable mouth once again, groaning loudly as the other hand stroked the underside of Light's thigh, which tightened at the contact and pushed him closer inside the younger man's body.

Light merely moaned as he accustomed himself to the completely wanted intrusion and once again rolled his hips, the tide of pleasure littering every orfice of his being as the walls clenching around the other man's penis constricted involuntarily.

L gasped as well-muscled arms wrapped around his shoulders, trembling thighs still keeping him locked in place. Small rakes of red scratches appeared over his shoulder blades as Light once again moaned heatedly and ran his blunt-nailed fingers up and down his lover's back. Gently rocking his hips back and forth in a slow but steady momentum that he knew would eventually force a pout onto that gorgeous face he loved to look at, L smirked as disoriented orbs of heated amber snapped into a delicate focus, legs hitching higher along his hips.

"Aren't we being accommodating tonight?" L whispered in his lover's ear, earning a shaky sigh for his trouble.

"Tiirrreeed…" Light bemoaned without realizing it, feeling as if he were in another world altogether. "Really tiirreed… mmn…"

Laying his head back on the pillow supporting his neck, Light closed his eyes once again, the action spurring L on instead of agitating him as it normally would. Lifting the boy's hips off the bed throwing a pillow underneath him, L buried his face against the side of the brunet's neck, tracing the set of red bite marks with a lazy tongue before snapping his hips forward with a much more forceful thrust.

Smirking at the hoarse grunt that action granted him, L laid more of his weight onto the stiffening body beneath him and let go of the gentle rocking he had afforded himself and the semi-awake Light yelping in shock.

"A little warning might be nice next time!" Light grasped his own stiffening sex as L chuckled, wondering how _anyone _could be half as amused as L was whenever they had sex. "Bastard."

"And yet you have thrown me off yet," was the expected response Light received, but he was no longer paying attention to the words coming out of L's mouth. Trying to keep up with the frenzied thrusts against his prostate and the wandering hand now lying against his own, Light gnawed at his lower lip as L stroked pulled at the hand stroking his length and forced more pressure against the overly-sensitive organ.

Trying not to get too ahead of himself, L pressed one last kiss against those addicting lips as is lover's inner-walls clenched tightly against his cock and held in his breath, the sight of fluttering eyelids accompanied by the feel of a warm stream of liquid hitting his lower abdomen undoing the older man completely as he finally came inside the tight canal holding onto him like a vice.

"Well, fuck." L murmured as his body sagged alongside Light's, falling off to the side as he pulled Light's body along with his. "That was nice."

"Hm…" Light sighed, digging himself deeper within his boyfriend's side and yawning.

"You do realize that you're going to regret going out in the morning, right?" L panted as he Light absently nodded against his neck, eyes already closed in a state of semi-sleep. Chuckling softly so as to not rouse his tired lover, L closed his own eyes and tightened his hold on the body practically lying beneath his own.

The alarm clock beside him flashed from **1:59 **to **2:00** am as both men were carried away into slumber.

* * *

"I'm fine." Light muttered as he cradled a cup of coffee between his calloused hands, eyes blurred over with pain and vertigo. "Just _fine_."

"You don't look fine." L mumbled, the cheeky smirk on his face doing nothing to make Light feel better.

"Shut up."

"I can't help it if you look horrrrrriblll-"

"Do you _really _want to finish that sentence?" Light glared at the older man, face scrunched up and slightly swollen with anger. "Because I can promise a bucket full of celibate nights if you do."

L chuckled as he fixed his jacket and shrugged. "As if I haven't lived through that before."

Flinching at the not-so-subtle dig at his prior dry spell Light turned his head and took in a large gulp of coffee to burn out the sour aftertaste of his boyfriend's cutting remark. L immediately sensed the cold indifference Light's slouched stature seemed to take as soon as he made the remark and shrugged, still not used to the bipolar moodiness his once emotionally-staunched paramour now inhibited.

"Do you have school today?" He asked instead, grabbing his suitcase that lay on the floor next to the table. Light shook his head, now completely silent. Knowing that the cranky brunet would refuse to speak after being spurned in such a manner(even if nonchalantly), L lay a small kiss on his cheek and left the apartment leaving an increasingly agitated Light in his wake.

* * *

"Again?" L asked worriedly, the college text books he was used to seeing tumbling over Light's hunched figure as he worked on his assignment. "But you just went out last week."

"So? It's not a big deal is it?"

"Well…"

"What, think I'm gonna sleep with the first stranger I see?" Light snapped, the subtle jibe tipped with poison.

"It's how _we _met, isn't it?"

L flinched as the sound of gritting teeth echoed throughout the dining room, the white walls (_now decorated with a new family he could actually call his own_) closing in on his thin frame.

"Your insecurities are _cute_ you know that?"

"I'm glad they amuse _you _at least…"

"I'm just going out with Mikami and few other guys, having a couple of drinks, probably dance a little then going home. I doubt I'll be doing anything crazy."

"Because I would hate to hear about any itty-bitty indiscretions through the grape-vine…" Light hit the man on the shoulder, not sure how to take the man's teasing comments. A part of him was offended; had he not been with and kept steady with the detective for nearly three years now and not migrated off to somebody else yet? It was only when Light truly paid attention to the little jibes his boyfriend sent in his direction that he realized just how badly his old habits had been thought of.

And it hurt.

_A lot._

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Light shut his textbook with a heavy slam and stood up, knowing that his anger may have been unjustified in context to the situation at hand, but not being able to handle it in any other way _but _to stalk off in a huff.

Before he could even shove his books in his bag, however, L immediately jumped on the couch and grabbed the boy's hands. "What's that all about?"

"You know _exactly _what I'm talking about; don't treat me like an idiot."

L, of course, did.

"You know I didn't mean any of it."

"Cut the bullshit; we both know that you do." Light snapped back even as his posture loosened up as a lanky arm made its way across his waist. "Even now, why do still you lie like this? To the _both_ of us?"

Though L shook his head and laughed off both his and Light's own comments, grabbing the young boy before he could get too far, the lazy grin which had been used in part to calm Light down slowly disintegrated into a small frown; a dark glare decorating his features as he buried his face into the college student's neck.

There was always more truth in their silences than there ever was when they both spoke to each other anyway.

* * *

"What the hell is the matter with you _today_?!" Mello snapped as he slammed his fist on top of L's desk, large blue eyes narrow with irritation.

"Nothing," L muttered under his breath, the file open for his perusal absconded by Mello's effeminate fist. "I'm fine."

"Riiiigghhhht." Matt smirked beside the leather-clad blond, obviously not taking L's word as fact. "We believe you."

"Are the two of you trying to make a point of some kind? Because if you are I would just rather you came right out and said it so that I could get back to work instead of having to indulge in your forced guessing game."

"L, it's just… you've been a lot more _grouchy_ lately…"

"Is Light not putting out for you again?" Mello asked without the slightest bit of hesitation, blond hair falling over his blue eyes rather prettily.

"Mello!" Matt slapped a hand over his eyes as he mentally counted down from 10, knowing that what he would see would be the ass-kicking of a life-time-

"What would my sex life have to do with my work, Mello?" L deadpanned as he glanced up at the leather-clad man, calmly taking in a deep breath so as to not kill him where he stood.

"Well, I don't know about _Matt _here but-"

"Mello, shut up!"

"When you're not getting any it seems to reflect pretty terribly in your attitude-"

"Mello, did you forget he's our _boss_?!"

"And quite frankly if our little _queen_ isn't doing her job then that means _you _aren't doing _yours_, and _that _affects us_ here_!"

"I assure that my sexual escapades are plentiful and nothing for Mello to worry about." L stated, a small twitch developing in his eye. "In fact, I'd say I've been getting more than my fair share. So please, enough of your idiotic assumptions and _get to work_-"

"Wait… you're saying he's putting out _too _much?" Mello immediately read in between the lines of his friend's speech, knowing L like the back of his hand. "Are you _retarded_?!"

"Mello!"

"Are you listening to him, Matt? _The man's _insane!"

"You know what, let's go." Matt pulled Mello out of the large office by his ear, ignoring the sputtering barrage of curse words that spilled out of his boyfriend's mouth as a result. "We'll see you later, L!"

"Of course…" L sighed as he stared down at the case-file in front of him, the headache he had been nurturing only increasing in strength after Mello's explosion. "Of course…"

Laying down the pen he had been holding onto tightly so as to not do anything he would later regret, the dark-haired investigator let his form fall back into the chair and drifted off into his own mind where things were _never _as complicated as real life.

* * *

L frowned as he stared at the clock, eyes wide open. The prominent shadows lingering beneath his eyes were enhanced in the darkness of the night, the pale skin of his face illuminating deep groves of black that halted just at the apples of his incredibly pasty cheeks.

Light had _told him _he would be back before two.

Staring at the clock now flashing the numbers _**4:39**_ L had to remind himself that though Light did occasionally come home early (_and quite early at that_) there were times where the boy wouldn't come at all.

The troubling part was that usually on those nights he had at least _called _to let him know that he wouldn't show. The worry settled itself both in the depths of his abdomen and the left side of his chest; tossing over on his side, L wondered why he was even trying to keep up with the visage of sleeping when he knew that such a feat was impossible at this point.

But…

Just in case Light showed himself at the door, he liked to pretend he had been sleeping and had just been 'roused' at the sound of the keys jingling by the open door, his lover penitent about his lack of sleep and ready to do whatever necessary to right his wrong and make L the happiest he could.

Yes it was manipulative.

Yes it was strange.

But it made the both of them feel as if they truly were a normal couple.

Without Light here to play out that fantasy with him, however, he felt empty.

The clock beside him flashed from **4:39 **to **4:40** am.

His eyes stayed open; unseeing even as the darkness flowing through the room grew all the more stale.

* * *

"Hello, L!" Sachiko smiled as she lowered the plate of cookies on the table and welcomed the younger man inside. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine Mrs. Yagami." Quickly picking up a cookie L munched on it, his rapid succession of thought flashing rapidly as the sweet held tightly within his grip became an after-thought to the real reason he had showed up on his lover's doorstep. "I just needed to speak with you about Light."

"What about him?"

"Did he come here last night?" L asked forthright, feeling comfortable enough in Sachiko's presence to not bullshit around.

"Uh, no… I thought he spent the night at your apartment." Sachiko stuttered, the worried look on her face neither feigned nor overly-drawn out. "Do you think he's alright?!"

"I'm sure he's fine." L lied. "He's been a little distant lately but I'm sure that has nothing to do with tonight."

"So you've noticed it too." The weary mother sat down beside the dark-haired detective and sighed. "I don't know what's going on with him; it's like he doesn't even speak to me anymore."

L kept his comments to himself, the suspicious feeling he had been cultivating for the past couple of months blossoming into something ugly and discomforting.

"I hope he isn't doing anything harmful to himself anymore…" Sachiko whispered to herself, her thoughts venturing on something _far _different than L's own contemplations.

Grabbing another cookie L gave the older woman an uneasy smile as he popped the tasty morsel in his mouth and silently chewed, the empty feeling in his stomach turning over until the sweet taste churning on his tongue turned acidic and bitter. Swallowing in an attempt to stave off the nausea brewing within his body, L merely listened to the older woman prattle on about nonsensical things that he did not have a care for.

In his mind, there was only ever Light.

* * *

"Where were you last night?"

Light twitched as he dropped onto his boyfriend's couch, the sour expression slanted over L's face combative and full of rapid tension.

"What?" Truthfully not understanding the implications of his lover's sudden question the still-tired brunet laid his head back and studied the face presented to him and muddled through his sordid analysis with a hung-over mentality.

"Where. Were you. Last _night_."

Light shrugged, scratching his head with a tanned hand. "I stayed with Teru at his house. I think I got a little carried away with the drinks; I couldn't even _walk _straight with all the alcohol those guys poured down my damn throat! Ugh!"

"A _little _carried away? Do you know how-" Pulling at his dark hair, L bit his tongue for once. "Why didn't you call me then if you needed a ride?"

"I didn't want to bother you!" Light snapped back, the strange confrontation not easing well with the hang-over he was now sporting. "Jeez, when did you suddenly become my _mom_?"

"I'd hope with the things I do to you and let you do to me you wouldn't think of me as your mother." Watching the younger man change positions on the couch and lay his head on a random pillow thrown on for decoration (_per Light's request of course_), L cringed as stalked over to the couch and lifted up his lover's head, sitting down in the spot recently coveted by Light's body. "Then we'd have to talk."

"Well, with the way you're giving me the third degree you'd never fucking know it…" Pouting at being yelled at for trying to be considerate, the exhausted brunet closed his eyes and turned on his side, the white fabric of his boyfriend's bunched up tee-shirt comforting even as the man wearing said shirt tensed at the innocent scrutiny. "I was just trying to be nice… you don't sleep as much as you used to and I thought if I called you wouldn't go back to sleep…"

"And who said I slept last night?" L silently let the question hang, knowing that if anything would make Light feel badly it would be his (_incredibly looked down upon_) habit.

Light bit his lip as he hugged the man's waist, his headache blowing into a full-out migraine.

"You had me so fucking worried, Light…"

Red rimmed golden-brown eyes slowly opened, meeting L's slightly distressed gaze.

"I'm sorry."

Instead of snapping at the now-docile boy in his arms, L quieted himself, enjoying the weight set upon his thin frame. He would accept his apology just like always.

Just like _always_.

* * *

Though Light didn't realize it, he wasn't exactly _alone _when he went out to his 'clubs'.

Most times, dark eyes kept a vigilant watch on those swaying hips and fast-paced legs, taking stock of everyone that came in contact with the gorgeous boy who wore his sensuality on one sleeve and his faux-naivety on the other.

This wasn't unhealthy.

_It wasn't_.

L felt his eye twitch as a random hand grabbed at his boyfriend's hips, not taking stock at the punch Light threw in the direction of the appendage and only in the fact that it had happened to begin with.

_If he wasn't so damn cute-_

_If he didn't speak so provocatively-_

_If he hadn't been throwing out his body so obviously-_

_If he wasn't _himself_-_

L threw out all these excuses; everything boiled down to Light and what he was doing, unconsciously or not. His head throbbed as he took a swig from the glass handed to him, the light-headed feeling making him feel as if he were on a cloud.

He continued to watch his boyfriend unknowingly flirt with the crowd, the tantalizing display only raising his ire along with the burning liquid flushing through his veins. The night passed on in a blur; drink after drink was tossed into his mouth without so much as a thought of what it was that was going down or why. Men and women gave him strange glances as he sloppily leaned against the stool he was situated in, his stare only on the brunet occupying everyone's attention on the dance floor. The strobe lights hit his body at all the right angles as the bass of the music pounded against the walls of the club, only intensifying the people's wants suffocating every person within the smoky building.

The bartender asked him if he wanted anything else as he finally stood up.

Shaking his head he stalked away from the stool he had been sitting on, his eyes set on one destination and one destination only.

L barely registered the shocked exclamation on his lover's part as he dragged him out of the club, the bouncers coming up to him with feral looks on their faces only to have Light loudly proclaim their connection to one another, if hesitatingly. The dark-haired detective barely listened; his gait unwavering if full of stumbles.

Light gave him a queasy look as he kept along with his boyfriend's near-sprint, nervous beyond belief.

He didn't know what he did this time…

But he would rather not find out.

* * *

"What is the matter with you?!" Light bellowed as L threw him into their shared bedroom, confusion clouding his alcohol-hazy mind. "What the hell are you doing, L?!"

"What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with _you_?!" L bellowed. "You were just _asking _to be raped in there!"

"What are you talking about?! I wasn't even _doing _anything!"

"Like hell you _weren't_!" Sloppily waving his hand around in a show of frustrated impatience, L ignored the naively confused boy's expression and concentrated only on the prior actions he had seen; to a casual observer it would seem like nothing, but L felt he had a _right _to be worried. "Tell me, do you always act such a _slut _when you go out?! Because if that's the case-"

"Slut?! Who the hell are you to call me a _slut_?!" Wiping his face with his hands, Light tried to keep his composure steady and fair. "The only person I am sleeping with and _have been _sleeping with for the better part of three years is _you_. Tell me how _that _is being a _slut_."

The words made sense, but Light could tell that L wasn't listening to the words coming out of his mouth.

Utterly bewildered by the force of anger being shoved into his face, the tired brunet didn't even fight as he was pushed back into their bed, eyes glistening with honest fear.

'_He wouldn't do that again… he promised he wouldn't do that again…_'

"Why are you so angry?" Light whispered. "What did I do?"

Realizing just how close he was to actually _harming _the 21-year-old, L held himself back. Still filled with (_what he believed to be_) righteous rage, he stepped away from the blank-faced college student staring at him with unseeing eyes. "I… I can't do this right now. I can't."

"I think I'm done." He slurred, dark eyes bright with certainty.

And with that L re-zipped his coat and left the apartment leaving a thoroughly confused and intoxicated Light along with it.

* * *

'It seems so much emptier… when he's not here.'

Forcing away the tears of hopeless confusion and biting frustration, Light had finally settled down in his boyfriend's bedroom after hours of restless tossing and turning, no sleep to be had in nearly 48 hours. The day before had been spent in a vegetative state; he was still not quite sure what prompted L's sudden breakdown and equally sudden departure. Endlessly he had raked his mind for something he could have possibly done for the outburst; Light wasn't an idiot, he knew his mouth sometimes opened without his mind's consent and said things that, normally, he would never even think to say.

But he had nothing.

_Nothing._

Was this…

Was this what _the end_ looked like in couple's terms?

'_No… L wouldn't do that. He _wouldn't_._'

(_But says who…?_)

Light ignored the small voices of reason popping up within his mind, positive that torturing himself would do nothing to bring L back into his arms. Light curled his legs up to his chest and leaned his head against his knees, the large bed he was sprawled upon though familiar, spacious and lonely without L to share it with him.

"Cool down. He just needs time to cool down." Though he was still utterly confused, Light knew that L would not just get mad over something stupid. Once he was better they would talk about it like two adults and everything would be resolved. "He wouldn't just leave without a reason. He just… needs time to cool down."

Though he kept saying this to himself, Light couldn't quite believe the words coming out of his own mouth, even when echoed out loud.

Picking up his cell-phone he swallowed his pride and wrote the first message of what would be of many.

(_Even if he didn't know it yet…_)

* * *

_What's the matter with you?_

_**Delete**_

_Why aren't you answering my calls?_

_**Delete**_

_What did I do?_

_**Delete**_

_Is this it?_

_**Delete**_

_I can't keep doing this, L! Explain yourself at the very least and I'll leave you alone!_

_**Delete**_

_I'm not angry, just call me. Tell me what's going on!_

_**Delete**_

_Is this the end? _

_**Delete**_

_Why are you doing this? Please, tell me; what did I do wrong?!_

_**Delete**_

L shifted as he stared at the last unready message written just an hour ago, the frantic calls nothing but a dim memory.

Not willing himself to hide behind any sort of cowardice at this point, L opened the message and stared at the collection of words lying dormant on the tiny screen in front of him

_You said you were done? That's fine._

_I guess I just can't take a hint, can I?_

_Thanks for everything._

Finger poised over the delete button L leaned back in his chair, his office seeming all the bigger in a span of seconds.

_Thanks for everything. _

Was this…

What he wanted?

Instead of asking himself the unsettling question, L deleted the last message, the words ringing incessantly in his head even as his body slowly relaxed against the unfamiliar chair within the hotel room he was staying in and closed his eyes.

_Thanks for everything._

'_Thanks for nothing._' Was L's fading thought as he drifted off into another dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Light?"

Dropping his bag in his room, Light said nothing as his little sister came forward and wrapped her hands around his bicep.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'll be fine." Light murmured, knowing that despite his own strong statement that he wouldn't be.

But his sister didn't need to know that.

"You act as if I'm a child." Patting the young girl on the head gentle hands pulled at the delicate wrist attached to soft grip Sayu held on his arm. "I'm a big boy; one break up isn't going to kill me."

"So after almost three years you're saying you're not even _sorry _that he's-"

"No. No, I'm not." _Lie. That's a lie._ "It's his loss anyway."

_That's such a lie._

"It's not that bad… being alone."

_Without you…_

_I guess I'll have to learn how to live again._

* * *

L coughed as he entered his apartment after a near month of ignoring it in favor of the hotel room which he had inhabited in that time. Speckles of dust (_Light would have flipped if he would have seen this_) clung to every nook and cranny, the luminescent white now tinged with an unnatural dull gray sheen.

The walls were plain as day, all prior pictures ripped from their former spaces as their outline dimmed slightly to the despairing dust clinging everywhere. The tiny knick-knacks that Light and Sayu had been so fond of laying all over his apartment were also gone; all semblances of Light's existence fundamentally erased as if he had never been there at all.

What used to be white was not gray; what used to be comfortably empty was now filled with a different sort of translucence that L couldn't describe. The air was heavy within the apartment, filled with a dark nostalgia that L wished to be rid of. Rushing past his living room (_which was bare except for the pieces of furniture he himself had picked out_) L threw open the door of his bedroom and stared at the impeccable bedroom in front of him.

The sheets were changed from the warm crimson they had been before he had left to a dull steel-gray, the drapes by his shaded windows the same color. Opening one of the drawers with a trembling hand L blinked to find it completely _empty_. Opening another, he cringed as that one as well was _empty_. Not even daring to open the closet, L sat down on his bed and sighed.

Staring at the now empty walls filled with nothing but white(_gray_) L ignored the pang of indecisiveness settled over his chest and blinked, letting his head fall forward and his body slump even further within itself.

The silence though-

It was nothing compared to the silence.

* * *

"Hey bitch."

Light rolled his eyes as he stared at the blond man dressed from head to toe in leather, the open door letting in the draft he so desperately hated to feel.

He _hated _the cold.

"What do you want Mello?"

"Nice 'hi, how you doing's to you too bastard." Strolling inside the tiny apartment Mello paid little to no attention to the exasperated expression lingering over Light's face as he entered his home. "I love your greetings by the way."

"I try." Light grit his teeth. "Now what are you doing here and why?"

"I want to know what the hell you did to Mr. Boss-Man and why he's had such a _stick _up his ass for the last month and a half I've had to deal with it." The blond didn't even flinch at the monstrous glare thrown in his direction as he heaved himself into a free chair and clucked his tongue. "Why are you _here _when you should be over _there _pulling it _for him _Frou-Frou!"

"_That_ is none of your damn _business_!" Pointing at his door, Light didn't even try to keep his voice down as Sayu peeked over from the kitchen. "Now if you would _please _get the hell out-!"

"Don't tell me you _dumped _the bastard!" Mello whined. "We were just getting him to loosen up!"

"I don't need to tell you anything, now _leave_." Light spun around and flicked his hair out of his eyes, ready to stomp back into the kitchen-

"Don't tell me… he left _you_?" Halting at the stunted whisper, the brunet bit his lip as his little sister stared at him with sad eyes. "That _fucker… _all that shit about you being the _one _and how _fucking wonderful _you were-What the fuck?!"

Knowing that Mello was only reacting this way because of L's supposed feelings for him and not because he actually _liked_ him in any way, Light allowed the cursing without a word. He had not been allowed his tantrum, and though Mello was not his friend, in that moment he liked to think that the verbose blond was acting it all out for him…

And he actually felt better as a result.

"Listen, I know you hate my ass…" Mello started as Light turned his head to glance back at him, cold brown eyes as blank as can be. "But I'm sorry guy. I didn't… fuck, I didn't expect that shit, I swear. With the way he used to go on and on about you… I never would have thought he do some crap like _this_."

Eyes softening at the sincerity of his visitor's words, Light slowly nodded his appraisal. Though he and Mello had never really gotten along, he had always admired the sincerity in the man's words; he hardly said anything he didn't truly believe, and that what was made the blond both so likable and so detestable all at once.

"That makes the both of us then." Light murmured softly as the usually mean-spirited consult nodded absently and rushed out of the apartment, knowing that he had over-stayed his welcome before he had even walked through the door. The tired brunet said nothing as his little sister hugged his side, her dark eyes heavy with a sadness that only siblings watching their own suffer could truly understand.

Patting her on the head, Light led her back into the kitchen.

He couldn't afford to be weak forever.

Not when he had so much riding on him as it was.

* * *

"THAT'S IT." Teru Mikami screeched as he entered his best friend's immaculate bedroom, eyes flashing behind his wire-framed glasses. Light almost fell back on his chair at the intrusion, hair disheveled by the surprise. "You are going out tonight mister! And I MEAN IT!"

Light rolled his eyes as he grabbed his ear-phones, which had fallen out of his ears the moment Mikami burst into his bedroom and given him the wild-eyed stare that usually was the spawn of _so _many bad ideas. "And you say this _why_…?"

"Light, you're turning into a shut in!" The law-student whined. "A completely sex-able shut in, but a shut in nonetheless! This can't happen! The fabric of the universe's existence depends on it!"

"Drama queen-ing much Teru…"

"Get your damn sexy clothes on and meet me downstairs, Light Yagami!" Refusing to be denied, Mikami grabbed the boy by the scruff of his neck and dragged him to his closet, ignoring the various pictures and figurines stashed into a large box next to the wardrobe in front of him. "You will not sulk any longer! Goodness, for all the time you've spent sexing people up, one guy leaves you and suddenly you're a mess!"

"Because it's not as if we were in a relationship or anything like that." Light sighed as he thumbed through his clothes, knowing Mikami truly wouldn't leave him alone until he was well dressed and ready for a 'good time'. What kind of good time Mikami wished him to have he didn't know, but he knew he wasn't ready to jump right on the saddle and go back to his… less _scrupulous _ways quite yet. "Don't push me and I'll be downstairs in a few, alright?"

"I'll be waiting!" Mikami grinned as he practically skipped out of the room, appearing too much as the cat who ate the canary.

_Note to self; definitely don't drink anything Mikami brings me tonight…_

* * *

"C'mon, L…"

"No." Scribbling something in his notes L glared at Matt from the corner of his eye. "I don't want to go out."

"Listen, I think tha-"

"_No_."

"Well, fuck me, L!" Mello snarled out, a couple weeks having passed since his visit with Light Yagami and his anger at the situation L had forced the young boy in not lessening in the least. "You're the one who fucking threw him out, weren't you?! If that's the case, why the hell are _you _the one acting as if _you're _the one who just got dumped on his ass?!"

"Mello, please, just chill the fuck out, you're _not _helping the situation, alright…" Matt discretely stroked the naked bicep in an attempt to calm the blond down, but he knew that once Mello was pissed off about something, there was _no _stopping him and his ranting.

"L, you _will _go out with us tonight, or I will show _everyone _in this building those _highly classified _pictures of you at a _certain _Christmas party that _shall not be named…_"

L stilled in his writings as he slowly glanced up at Mello's evil visage, eyes twitching at the threat.

Mello, though, did not even waver.

Sighing at the entrapment made against him, L hung his head. "What time are we leaving then?"

Mentally reminding himself to high-five his boyfriend later, Matt guffawed inside his head and grinned as his boyfriend arranged times with their best friend and boss, the evil smile perched upon his face not lessening in the least.

'_Damn do I love this boy…_' The redhead grinned as Mello sent him a smitten beam, those blue eyes glowing with delight. '_L, you really don't know what the hell it is you're missing, my friend…_'

* * *

'_Because this isn't familiar at all._' L thought to himself as he stared at the ethereal figure shrouded in darkness, the strobe lights hitting the youth in all the right places as various bodies smothered over his decadent form only to be rejected by well-placed glares and overly-polite (_yet still very snide_) remarks.

Instead of hogging the dance floor like the predator L had always assumed him to be, Light was pitched at the corner of the room, for once trying to keep attention away from himself, if to no real avail. The boy radiated with a natural cognitive grace that others were attracted to by default; it was the reason L himself had left with him that first night and why he had been so reticent to let go of him all those other nights after.

'_What am I doing…?_'

Keeping his gaze on the magnetic figure drenched in melancholy, L once again felt a clawing rage itch its way up his throat as a barrage of men and women stopped by Light's table and attempted to talk him up; the negative replies were constant and steady, the only real thing that kept the older man from stalking over to his ex-lover's table and gathering him up in his arms so as to protect him from the stream of wandering eyes that didn't want to leave him alone.

Without his noticing, as the daydreams of that same men were blinding him to the reality caging him within the stifling atmosphere of the club itself, Light's head tilted off to his side, leading to a clear view in L's direction, which was not blocked by _anything_.

Their eyes suddenly touched as the lights hit both of their figures in echoing glares, charcoal gray scrutinizing honey brown in a simulation of their first night meeting in a club so similar to this one.

However before any real chemistry could occur Light turned his head once more and fled into the shadows, letting his duster melt into the walls of the dark club before fleeing the large establishment.

L gulped as that empty pit pitched even deeper within his stomach, the ache returning with a vengeance.

_Thanks for everything._

Those words haunted him more than anything else, reveling in every bittersweet emotion that clung to the remnants of what their relationship was. L had thought he could save the boy and in the end, without even realizing it, he had ruined him even further; dampened the youthful spirits that had captivated L on that first night and put out the fire that had made Light who he was.

And _why_?

'_Because I'm a fucking idiot that's why._'

Though he knew it would probably be for naught, L pushed his own drink aside and followed after the man that had held his heart for almost three years-

And still did if he were half as honest to himself as he was towards everyone else in his general vicinity.

* * *

Light felt his heart pound feverishly within his chest as he laid his head back against the brick wall supporting him, eyes blurred with stringent tears. He had thought he had been prepared to see L again after a full three months of avoidance and intuitive speeches that had fueled his coming out this night after forcing himself to become a shut-in.

'_Damn you Teru, you must have planned this somehow!_'

Listening to the back entrance open on his left side the agitated brunet threw himself off the wall and power-walked out of the alley. The rapid succession of steps echoed behind his own energetic gait causing the tawny-eyed 21-year-old to speed up his walk and keep his gaze forward.

'_Always running…_'

Was that why L had been so fed up?

Was he…

'_Had I ever really stopped running?_'

Unconsciously slowing down his own pace, Light almost fell forward as a hand grabbed onto his arm and yanked him back; a pair of familiar dark-gray eyes meeting his semi-frightened countenance without the slightest bit of hesitation.

In that moment, the only thing Light wanted to do was scream.

* * *

Staring into Light's glazed-over eyes L felt his own resolution tremble. Where once he had seen begrudging affection and snarky laughter all he could see now was dark despondency mixed in with a newfound cynicism that made the former seem like _nothing_. The grip he had on the brunet's arm slowly loosened until it fell away entirely.

Never had he felt so out of reach with the other.

Neither man said anything for what seemed like an eternity, eyeing the other's countenance with heavy hearts and tender conflictions that continually contradicted each other within their own heads.

All Light wanted to do was keep running.

All L wanted to do was make him stay.

It was the constant push and pull of their relationship; the red twine that both kept them together and kept them apart.

But L knew that no amount of apologies or groveling would fix this.

Not this time.

"It's nice to know you're still alive." Light bit out, his face tight with old anger that didn't quite reach his eyes. If anything, he looked resigned, knowing that no matter what he said, it was indeed… the end. "Seeing how you couldn't even pack up the balls to tell me to my face what I think we both already knew would happen before all this shit even happened. If anything, I would appreciate it if you would just leave me the fuck alone."

L opened his mouth to say something but closed it a moment later.

What could he say to make this better?

He was already the villain in Light's eyes…

And quite frankly, so was Light in his own bedraggled gaze.

He had been _justified _in his anger, damn it.

Hadn't he?

"It's alright though. I don't need you." Light suddenly stated outright, the silence stretching into something sinister and deceiving; deceiving for whom though, was the question. "I _never_ needed you. That's at least one thing that hasn't changed."

Turning around without another word the cinnamon-eyed 21-year-old didn't even flinch as one small tear trailed down his cheek and hit the cement ground, mourning for something that, in his eyes, never really was.

'_I never needed you… more than I do now._'

* * *

"_Light… are you alright?_"

"_Light, do you need anything?_"

"_Light, are you sure you don't want to go home early?_"

"_You look tired, Light._"

"_Is everything ok at home, Light?_"

"_Are you coming out tonight, Light?!_"

"_It's been forever since we've last seen you, Light!_"

"_Light…?_"

"Light?"

The near-tranquil brunet turned around as he grabbed onto his books, one of the boys from his class giving him a queer look. "Class is over, Light."

"Ah… thanks." Throwing his stuff into his bag, Light quickly shuffled out of the classroom, his thin frame easily slipping past the growing crowd huddled by the door. Ignoring the roaming eyes and choked back whispers, Light continued his way out of the building and roamed about the college campus, his feet leading him as opposed of his head.

(_Maybe it's time you got over yourself…?_)

Ignoring the tiny voice speaking slurred reassurances, Light clutched onto his satchel and fixed his collared shirt, the fabric brushing his side uncomfortably as the scar tissue tingled with a phantom pain that ached more than burned.

'_It won't make it all go away_.' Light answered easily in his own mind, the vast impulses in his mental arsenal begging him to make the pain go away. To dull it down until it became nothing but a blurred hindrance that he could barely remember. But that was an artificial solution; not real in the least.

Once the people were gone and the alcohol stopped flowing he'd be in the same place as before, only there would be no one there to pick him up as he fell.

He didn't want that anymore.

And it had only taken 3 years worth of pain (_care_) to make him realize it.

* * *

"Alright, I've got nothing." Mikami groaned as he stared at the taciturn 21-year-old doing his homework, not used to the much calmer side of Light that only appeared when he was in the middle some mental revelation. "What's your big epiphany?"

"Epiphany? Is that what you're waiting for?" Light didn't even look up from his notes as he pressed the highlighter down on the page he was scanning through, the yellow stream of ink a nice distraction from the conversation at hand. "I think you're looking at the wrong guy then."

"Oh, give me a fucking break." Mikami finally broke down. "What is it?!"

Light coyly glanced up at the shaggy-haired law student, honey brown eyes shining with amusement.

"But if I told you, what would the fun in keeping it to myself be?"

"Arghhhhh!"

Light laughed as he dropped the highlighter in the crease of binding holding the book together, the vast amount of space inside the confines of the library's walls comforting him as much as the rusty smell of aging books and familiar company did.

"If it'll make you feel better…" Mikami perked up at the words almost immediately. "I'll tell you this much."

Without much care as to who was watching or not, Light leaned forward, smiling as Mikami's own stare widened as a result.

"I was right about him all along."

As soon as the words crept out of his mouth the 21-year-old college student felt… _lighter_. The dreamy expression on his face didn't fade as he sat back down, the contemplative look on his friend's face not lessening in the least.

'_Because I was right…_' Light mentally leapt for joy as he thought this, his concentration not as shot as it was five minutes before. '_And now I just have to wait for him to realize it too._'

* * *

L bit his lip as he gave his new apartment an once-over, dark eyes warming up nicely to the décor of the homey loft.

The creamy beige walls were lined with random pieces of art that he liked at first sight, remembering Light's constant struggle with his tastes and how difficult L himself had become as a result. The cozy furniture was all new as well, dusky chocolate brown that went well with the various shades of cream, burnt orange and crimson lining his apartment. They were all colors that Light himself had loved…

Whether the choices were subconscious had hardly mattered to L. He had liked them and that was what had been the point of searching for the colors to begin with.

It was the new beginning he had needed so badly. But it didn't end there.

Marching into his new bedroom, L smiled as he stared at the small tokens of mementos he had garnered throughout the years. The main focus, however, was set right next to his bed on top of the night-table framed in steely silver.

The last photograph he had of his and Light's time together, both men smiling into the picture as Light hung off L's neck and vice-versa.

He still had so much left to do.

* * *

"What are _you _doing here?!" Mikami shouted as the older man standing in front of his door merely blinked, the last six months doing little to change the investigator's ageless demeanor.

"I…" L, for once, was speechless. "Don't know?"

Mikami growled out a rather derogatory comment under his breath before pulling the older man into his apartment and slamming the door behind him. "Well, you my friend are an _idiot_!"

"I won't disagree with that." L nodded his consent, knowing he had fucked up _big time_. "In fact I agree with you whole-heartedly."

"Don't think that'll get you out of hot-water! I'm not _half _as forgiving as Light is!" Snarling indignantly as the pale-faced man didn't even flinch at the warning, Mikami rolled his eyes. "How did he manage to fall in love with _you _of all people anyway?! You're not even fit to lick the heel of his shoe or breathe the same air as him! Hmph!"

"You're in love with him." L stated dryly.

Mikami let out a tiny squeak, his cheeks flushing a deep red. "N-no! He's my best friend! I-"

"Can't control who you fall for." The dark-haired detective smiled sympathetically at the law student, knowing just how hellish it could be falling for someone you believed to be out of your reach. "Maybe I should leave…"

"NO!" Halting the man's progression before he could even take one foot out of the door, Mikami shook his head emphatically. "No… I… I might _like _him a bit more than a friend should like another friend, but he's in love with _you_."

"Do you know how hurt he was when you didn't return any of his calls or texts? How much he hounded your personal assistants? How many nights he stayed up waiting for you because he was worried sick about you only to get fed up with it, not because he was sick of waiting, but because he was sick of feeling as if he wasn't _good enough_? Do you know how much it takes to make a man like Light feel as if he's worth jack shit? Especially with the crap he's been dealt with all his _life_?" Mikami waved his arms around as L shook his head, the guilt he had buried under the rug bursting back into life as Mikami emhasized just how much he was in lo-wait, what? "People stare at him cuz he's pretty and knows exactly what to say and when to say it, but does anybody actually _know _the real Light? The fucked up one who parties because he just wants to forget every shitty aspect of his life or gives up his own money so that his sister and mother can relax knowing that the 'man' of the family is going to take care of them? Or the one who was _so _crazy in love with you that he literally dug up every single insecurity that he held in the back of his mind and threw it all away because he _knew _that you would accept him as he _really _was? I mean, if you couldn't accept him for who he was when you first met him, why the hell did you chase after him?!"

Shell-shocked at the inadvertent confession made on Mikami's part, L could only concentrate on the words '_so crazy in love with you…_'

'_I knew it._'

"I…"

"Just because he never said the words," Mikami whispered, the hoarse quality in his voice reflecting the pain of having to watch his friend break over and over again for who knows how long, "doesn't make what he felt any less true."

"I need to see him." L stuttered, his own eyes clouding with something akin to tears. "I need to see him _now_."

"Yeah. You _do_." Mikami muttered. "So do you get it now?"

L blinked once more, this time out of confusion at the sudden question.

"I never saw him like that before; so freaking depressed, like he was really ready to slit his wrists or something… but, when he was still _with_ you…" Mikami scoffed as he dropped his hand, glasses flashing as a beam of light hit them. "He was actually happy with you. Still fucked up, yes, but happy nonetheless. Thinking back on it now, did you ever actually feel relieved that he and his fucked up problems were gone? Or are you just finally figuring out how badly the both of you depended on each other?"

Instead of waiting for an answer Mikami swept out of the room in a dramatic twirl, stomping out of the his own living room in a huff, as if that had been his intention the whole time.

Trying to keep the smile off of his face, L ran a hand through his hair as he backed away from the room and made his way out of the apartment.

* * *

"I'm coming, already!" Light snapped as the onslaught of knocking echoed throughout the apartment, the nap he had been indulging in barely doing anything to snap him out of his insomniatic stupor. As soon as he reached the block of wood and gripped at the doorknob, the knocking halted almost immediately.

'_What the…?_'

Light slowly opened the door, biting his lip as a familiar head of messy dark hair and impossibly dark eyes leaned against his door frame staring down at him with an expression of grief that he couldn't possibly describe.

Instead of snapping out some dirty remark or slamming the door back on the man's face, Light lowered his stare and let the detective slide inside his apartment with a curious gleam in his darkened eyes.

Some things were never changing after all.


	4. Monster

A/N: I think I've been listening to too much Lady Gaga. -.-; So, peeps asked for a continuation of the last part and I finally delivered. Will there be a part five? That is up to you guys. See, I have too many stories on my plate, and though I am not a review-whore, I am going to have to ask you guys just what it is you guys *actually* want to read. (Shock, I know) Because my mind is _all _over the place. Seriously. I need some help here. PLEASE.

If you guys want to see this continued please let me know. If not, this might be the end of the line with the BR series (since there's just a boatload of crap practically begging for my attention unfortunately and these installments are no joke T.T). Just sayin'.

Now, about the actual story. -.-; I got a lot of questions about the last installment and I'm hoping this next installment answers a lot of them so that I don't have to. Lol. The song pick for the last chapter makes a lot more sense if you read this chapter, I think. You get a lot more insight into L and Light's messed up mind frames (and people will hopefully ease up on Light! Maybe… lulz).

**Warnings: **Um… excessive cussing at some points (cuz Light's a gangsta in this story. Srsly this time. Hahahaha) and some mentions to sexuality but no actual yaoi in this one. (SORRY FAN-GIRLS!) This chapter is actually a bit more light-hearted (I know, strange to think) than other chaps but still does have some angst and drama to watch out for. Mentions of violence and rape… huh… I think that's it. Wow. Yeah. This fic is breaking all the rules people! (Not really.)

Disclaimer: Don't own DN or "Monster" by Lady Gaga. Plot's all mine though! ;-)

* * *

"_He ate my heart…_

_(I love that girl)_

_He ate my heart…_

_(Wanna talk to her, she's hot as hell)_

_He ate my heart…_

_(I love that girl) _

_He ate my heart…_

_(Wanna talk to her, she's hot as hell)_

_He licked his lips,_

_Said to me,_

"_Girl, you look good enough to eat…"_

_Put his arms around me-_

_Said "Boy, now get your paws right off of me!"_

_I asked my girlfriend if she'd seen you round before-_

_She mumbled something while we got down on the floor, baby!_

_We might've fucked, not really sure, don't quite recall…_

_But something tells me that I've seen him, yeah-_

_That boy is a monster!_

_(M-m-m-monster!)_

_-Could I love him?-_

_That boy is a monster!_

_(M-m-m-monster!)_

_-Could I love him?-_

_That boy is a monster!_

_(M-m-m-monster!)_

_-Could I love him?-_

_That boy is a monster-er-er-er-er_."

-"Monster" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: _**Monster**_

* * *

Light kept his gaze on the kitchen table as the sound of metal hitting the edges of marbleized clay echoed loudly within his ears. A large board of round wood kept both sitting men at a sizeable distance from each other, neither pair of eyes able to meet under the bright kitchen light suspended above them. Twirling the spoon sitting within the steaming dark-colored liquid sloshing quietly within the mug in front of him, Light held in a snort as seconds quietly turned into minutes and minutes ticked away into hours…

The silence grew stronger as Light shifted within his seat, not quite sure what it was that L was waiting for him to say. The unanswered questions on both of their parts lingered within the air, amplifying the tension seeping through even their tendons and limbs.

_What are you doing here?_ Light bit back.

_Why aren't you saying anything? _L mentally persisted.

"How's your mother doing?" L asked instead, staring down at his cup of coffee as if it instead held the answers he sought.

"Fine." Light spat out as curtly as he could, all civility gone from his tone (_if there was any to begin with_). His own gaze began to burn with righteous anger as the small talk spurned him with an unexpected rage that he thought to have died since the last time the statuesque-like brunet had spoken to the raven-haired detective.

"And your sister?"

"… … _Fine_."

"I see…" L murmured lamely. L caught himself as his mouth dropped open for a brief second and dark eyes attempted to catch hazel-brown, the question flying out of his mouth without the older man's consent. "And how have you be-"

"_Don't_." The honey-eyed brunet growled as his eyes snapped forward, finally meeting L's own petrified face in a moment of clarity within the haze of anger clouding his judgment. "Let's cut the crap, L. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Straight to the point as always…" Was the murmured sarcastic reply, doing nothing to extinguish Light's ever-persisting annoyance.

"With you around," Light pointed out, "somebody has to be."

"I… wanted to see you. Is that so hard to believe?"

"_And_?" The college student prodded as L shifted within his seat, his discomfort for once visible for all to see.

"To see how you were doing obviously."

Light snorted as he put down the mug and glared at the detective. "You haven't cared for the last couple of months just how it is I was _doing_. My question, as subtle as it seems to be, is what the _hell_ are you doing here _now_?"

"To…"

"_To_…?"

"I don't know." L finally admitted, the look on his face finally matching the tone of his voice. Dismal gray eyes gazed down at the table in a forlorn fashion, obviously thinking back on times when this was not _so hard_. Pale fingers twisted against one another as the dark smudges smeared underneath those bland eyes stood out much more prominently than before, airing out a more truthful feel than L's own words ever could.

Frankly he looked like shit and Light, who was sporting his own set of downtrodden eyes and extremely-tired features, didn't feel all that much better.

Tracing the angular cheek bones and narrow nose all painted a white sickly pallor with a desperate need to memorize them before they disappeared (_again_) Light held off on his own speech.

"I just… needed to see you." L quietly spoke as Light continued to stare at him through lidded eyes, lashes curled naturally to near perfection.

Rolling his eyes with an agitation he truly did not feel, Light clucked his tongue. "You seem to have the knack of bursting into my life when you're the least wanted yet disappearing when I need you the most."

"I…"

"Have nothing to say to that obviously." Light ignored the sullen look L developed in his face. "Did you honestly think that it would be that easy? That you could come here with supposed 'good intentions' and I would think nothing of the time we've been apart? You were the first serious relationship I had invested myself in _ever_. And you hurt me in a way that I still don't know if I can forgive. Bruises fade L. Trauma doesn't."

"I made a mistake." L declared suddenly. "I thought… it was stupid what I thought. I was just _tired _of everything; work, worrying about you, about me… you were my first too. I'm not perfect Light."

"I know. Why do you think I let you inside?" The college student smirked as his companion blinked in surprise, obviously not expecting what Light had had to say. "I'm not perfect either, but I'm not the reason we broke up. So, if you want this relationship as badly as I think you do, we're going to do this the old fashion way."

"What?"

"You know I hate repeating myself, L." Light stated blandly.

"You would not have to if you clarified everything you implied the first time around Light." L retorted, obviously not in the mood for jokes. "Now please, _clarify_."

"We aren't normal and it's stupid to pretend that we could ever _be _that pretty picture that everyone thinks about when they imagine what their future relationships are going to be like, but I think that part of the reason we never get along with each other is because we don't take the time to actually _talk _toeachother." The weary brunet explained. "All we do is assume things about what the other's thinking; everything is just another game, and it always seems as if we're both just waiting for the next big argument. We didn't start this relationship like normal people do. It was just sex. And then it was living together and sex. There was nothing else… so how can we say we feel anything for each other if we barely know anything about ourselves."

"That's a lie." The detective nearly leapt over the chair as he stood up, the back of the chair scraping unpleasantly against the tiled floor."I know more about you than I do my own _job_! I could name your favorite color, your birthday, your likes and dislikes and how those things have changed over the years. I can tell you your favorite song and why, what courses your currently enlisted in and what your future goals are. I can even tell you about memories I haven't lived to see, all by your own words. I _listened_, Light. How can you think otherwise?"

"Then why did you think I was cheating on you if you listened so well?" L quickly shot back into his seat, mouth stretched out into a thin line. "This goes beyond what I like and don't like, L. This is about _insecurities_. About… trust. And no matter what you have to tell me, you're going to have to work for it just as I'll have to work for yours."

"Wait… what?"

"You heard me." Light cheerfully exclaimed as he stood up and grabbed L by the forearm, practically skipping towards the exit within the living room as L walked on obliviously. "You, meaning the person following after me with the dumb look on his face, are going to have to work towards this relationship and do what it takes to salvage it along with me, which means put _actually _effort into pursuing me and not just wanting to fuck me. That enough clarification for you or should I try to put it into much simpler terms?"

Ignoring the jab sent in his direction L felt his mouth twitch as his wide eyes narrowed in frustration and displaced anger. "Didn't I already _do _that? How the hell did this relationship start if not with _me_ chasing after _you_?"

"Well, when you put it that way, if you did it once," Light smirked as he was closing the door, eyes narrowed with challenge. "I'm sure you can do it again."

Light ignored the tired giggle behind him, the tinkling sound of bells echoing off the walls as Sayu's old slippers scratched against the rugged floor and stopped behind him.

"Bit harsh weren't you?"

Shrugging slightly, Light for once didn't disagree.

* * *

"I don't know…" L muttered as he let his head fall onto the desk, the two men in front of him giving him nonsensical grins that illuminated the mischief within their eyes. "I don't know what he _wants _from me, damn it!"

"That should be obvious." Mihael snorted. "He wants to feel-"

"SHHHH!" Mail covered his boyfriend's mouth with his hand. "You'll spoil the surprise if you tell him!"

"Fuck you." The blond poignantly countered as he pried the appendage off of his face. "And L, just do what you do best; follow him around until he cracks. Trust me. It's what he _wants_."

"Really?"

"_Absolutely_." Mihael almost laughed outright at the look of glee set upon his employer's face as he dragged Mail out of the office. Mail, of course, had succumbed to his laughter once the expression had registered within his head, hence the reason Mihael had had to drag him out of the office.

"You," Mail whispered between giggles and snorts, "are an asshole."

"Hmph. I'm not the one letting him run around half-blind am I? I think _you're _the real asshole out of the both of us." Walking out of the large office building, Mail shrugged as Mihael glared at him conspiratorially. "He's totally going to get chewed out by Lightie-boy and you don't even care."

"Just desserts, my love." Weaving an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders Mail grinned. "Just desserts."

* * *

_**4/31/10 – 9:30 PM **_

_L: So… what are you doing tonight? _

_Light: Making love to my school assignments and having multiple trysts with my research paper. Wth do you want L? _

_L: We should have dinner tonight. _

_Light: If by dinner you mean a bag of chips and a weird cheese sandwich that I'm sure I'll kill myself for eating later on then I'm already booked. Sorry._

_L: Are you available tomorrow night then? _

_Light: What do you think? _

_L: … … … You are not going to make this easy for me are you? _

_Light: ;-) What do you think? _

_L: … … … shit. _

* * *

"Light?" The dark-haired law-student nearly tumbled over his own feet as he glanced over his shoulder, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"Yes, Mikami?"

"Uh… well…"

Fixing the straps of his proverbial 'man-purse' from continually slipping off his shoulder, Light impatiently rolled his eyes before clucking his tongue. "Well, what?"

"Is… your ex-boyfriend…" Mikami hesitated for a moment before glancing back over his shoulder again. "_Stalking _us?"

"Yes. Yes he is." Light deadpanned as Mikami nearly tripped over his own feet, eyes widening at the implications of what was just said to him. And there L was, strolling behind the two men at a modicum pace that emphasized the slouch of his shoulders and dreary stare. _In plain sight_. "Why do you ask?"

"Um… because he's _stalking _us? Isn't that usually a good enough reason to ask the question?" The dark-haired man shivered as the chills rolling up his spine hinted at the set of eyes now locked onto his own figure, barely fighting off the urge to turned back around and stare right back.

"Well, it _is _L…" Honey brown eyes crinkled as Light sardonically smiled. "I kind of expect it at this point. He's really predictable once you get to know him."

"And that makes stalking us _ok_?" Honestly if Light wasn't as gorgeous as he was Mikami was pretty sure he would have been institutionalized by the massive amounts of crazy he hid underneath his pretty. Biting back a gasp the older of the two halted his steps and pointed at the detective now barely a foot away from them, miraculously having produced an ice-cream cone and eating it whilst watching the two men 'linger'. "Oh my God, don't tell me he's turned into one of those psycho stalkers you have to beat off at school!"

Light shrugged as he proceeded to walk onwards. "L's _always_ been a psycho stalker… and it's not like you're much better."

"Hey! What does _that _mean?"

"Besides, better that he's following me than him following somebody else." The college student continued on as if he hadn't been interrupted at all. "At least I know he's still interested and not ready to give up like the last time."

"So it's ok to stalk you."

Light blinked as he slowed down and grabbed the rest of L's ice-cream, not the least bit daunted by the pair of dark eyes and blasé expression flourishing over L's face.

"I want strawberry next time." The criminal-justice student stated as he ate the rest of the cone, not giving Mikami's weirded-out face another glance.

"… … … You're sick, Light."

Wiping off a bit of vanilla ice-cream from his chin Light grinned.

"… … You're telling _me_."

* * *

_**5/12/2009 – 5:55 PM**_

_Light: Ok, now you're getting a bit carried away. _

_L: Whatever do you mean Light? _

_Light: Punching a guy in the face because he was staring at my ass while we are *not* together is *not* ok. Stop. It._

_L: I have no idea what you are talking about. _

_Light: L, I *saw* you do it. In front of me. After which you then proceeded to grope me in front of *everybody* walking down the street. WTF L?_

_L: I still have no idea what you are talking about Light. _

_Light: You're not going to stop are you? _

_L: ^.^ Nope. _

_Light: -.-; Fucker. _

* * *

Light bit back a raucous guffaw as he sat down within the tiny booth of the restaurant he was hiding away within. A large poof of dark hair appeared over the rim of the other side of the seat, bouncing tiredly as the lithe frame that usually accompanied the hairstyle appeared before him.

"Light, may I sit down now?" L inquired as he shoved his way into the seat in front of him, not even waiting for Light to respond to his question as he did so. "Tracking you down like this is much more exhausting than I originally thought it would be."

"… I'm… sure…" The younger man concluded, the smirk on his face not lessening in the least.

"I did not think that you would put so much effort into trying to lose me." L glared.

'_Took you long enough to figure _that _out._' Light instead replied, "Now why would you think that?"

"Because it is precisely what you are doing and I need no veritable evidence that you are doing so?"

"… Nice."

"Honestly, Light." Though L's tone was exasperated, Light could tell just how much exhaustion the detective was hiding behind his usual blank slate of an expression. "How long must I continue to do this? It is obnoxious and unnecessary."

"Really? So you acting like a possessive ass isn't obnoxious and unnecessary?"

"I am simply 'marking my territory' so to speak."

"What am I, a _tree_?" Light laughed out right, feeling more amused than insulted by L's convoluted ideas. "Does that make you the dog then?"

"Will I get to pee on you if I say yes?" The pervert slickly interjected.

"And there goes that conversation."

Fixing himself within the chair, L gave the boy one of his rare smiles; his own enjoyment was beginning to shine through his annoyance as L finally conceded that as much as he had missed the physical aspect of their relationship, their banter and easy-going attitudes around each other had been just as missed. This had been what they had been missing for the later of their relationship.

Perhaps… Light knew what he was doing after all?

"Are you hungry?" Light smiled.

L nodded slowly, bringing his legs down so that his ratty sneakers touched the floor and their knees brushed against each other in a gentle fashion.

'_Starving._'

* * *

"L, the big guys are starting complain about your lack of… shall we say, _work_ being completed." Mihael complained as he threw a paper plane directly into the older man's forehead, blue eyes gleaming with mischief. "I think your new hobby isn't being looked up as nicely as you might've hoped."

"Let me worry about that, _Mello_."

Mihael felt his eyes twitch as Mail made a jerky motion from behind him. "Listen, _boss_, just because you happen to be in love with the most difficult and manipulative jerk-face on this side of the solar system doesn't mean you get the right to push us _around_."

"Yes. Because my being your _boss _doesn't grant me that luxury…" L caustically stated. "Aren't _you _supposed to be working anyway?"

"On what? You're the one who hands out our assignments!"

L became incredibly silent as he turned back to the document sitting on his desk, ignoring the steaming blond glaring at him.

Mail sighed as he grabbed one of the files sitting on top of L's desk and dragged his lover out of the office before either Mihael or L decided that beating the crap out of each other would make a good way to pass the time.

"Bye L!"

"FUCK YOU!"

L waved them both off as he hid his smirk behind his hand.

God he loved messing with people… that always seemed to put him back in a good mood.

* * *

Light groaned as he lifted his head up from the pile of homework he had been using for a makeshift pillow, a piece of paper sticking to the side of his face as an annoying song (_that his friend Misa had picked, no less_) rang loudly within his ears, his phone vibrating next to him as its lights began blaring along with the music (if it could be called that). Wiping away any embarrassing slobber from his face, Light picked up his cell-phone and quickly pressed the green 'call' button so as to end the pain.

"H-hello?" The boy croaked out as he stared at his alarm clock, the bright numbers indicating that it was still early morning and that Light indeed was _not _late.

"_Light?_" A monotone voice crackled against the earpiece as Light blinked away the sleep from his eyes the best he could.

"… … L."

"_Yes?_"

"It's five o'clock in the damn morning. Please tell me you are either hurt, mugged, being threatened in some way, shape or form or about to die. Otherwise, hang up and _maybe _I won't kick your ass later on for this." As he continued to speak the more awake Light became and he hated L for it. The older man _knew _that though Light did not sleep much, when he did, it was _not _a time to disturb the exhausted college student.

That's how L acquired that lovely black eye he had happily sported for a good week…

And the bruised shins…

And the sprained wrist…

And the bloody ear…

And the continual handprint-shaped bruises that adorned his cheeks every other week at the office whilst they had still been together.

L had said that though he suffered for it, he had always enjoyed the bedraggled expression set on his love's face the first few moments he woke up-

Apparently that face had made all the pain afterward worth it.

'_I forgot about that…_'

"_Are you done with your rant Light?_"

"What do you want L?" Light attempted to get back his no-nonsense tone but knew that it was a lost cause. It was too early and he was filled with too many fuzzy feelings to actually want to keep up the façade at this point. "I still have a good four hours before I need to actually get up and you're disturbing my sleep-equilibrium…"

"_I missed your voice._"

Light's jaw seemed to unhinge at the words.

"Tell me that was a joke."

"_Why is it that everything I say seems to amount to another joke with you Light? Should I come visit you?_"

"It's five o'clock in the morning!" Light exclaimed, not sure how he would explain _that _one to his mother. "And where do you get your transitioning skills from anyway?"

"… … _Is that a yes?_"

"NO."

"_Fine._" L sighed out into the receiver. "_I will speak with you later then. Thank you for humoring me Light._"

Even after the sound of the phone being disconnected reverberated within his ears, Light still sat behind his desk with a bewildered look on his face and the beginnings of a smile itching against the sides of his lips.

* * *

"Light." Mikami sighed out as he sat down at the bar in front of him and flagged down the bar-tender.

"Yes?"

"… … Your ex-boyfriend is looking at me funny again."

Light nearly let his head fall forward as leaned against the study wooden wall of the bar, already knowing what sight would greet his eyes if he were to give into temptation and turn. L was currently stationed at the farthest right corner of the bar, avidly staring at the brunet as he danced, drank and tried to (read: _tried_) to have a good time.

Thanks to L, that was no longer a feasible concept.

"How does he keep finding us, anyway…?" Mikami muttered underneath his breath.

Light felt a ghost of a smile seep into his lips as he pointed at the man over his shoulder. "Detective."

"Riiiight…"

"What can I get you?" The bar-tender bellowed as he made his way to the end of the bar. Mikami smiled and opened his mouth to order for the both of them but was stopped as Light waved the man off and stomped away from the bar.

"Light?"

The younger of the two club-hoppers moved through the cloud of people invading the floor and made his way to the lonely table set in a dark corner of the club, the man seated nursing a large scotch that belied his sweet-tooth.

"What are you doing?" Light demanded, face streaked with red from both the heat and embarrassment. "You're not even being the slightest bit _discreet_ at this point!"

"Oh," L blinked before cheerfully smiling up at the disgruntled 21-year-old, "what a coincidence! Who would have thought we'd bump into each other tonight Light!"

Grabbing a seat and shoving himself beside the partially-inebriated investigator, Light fought off a snarl and sighed. "Do you really think this is working in your favor?"

"Light, there are two things about me that I believe you did not think about when you decided to set about this silly challenge of yours." L smirked as he pushed the glass up to his lips and took a small sip, "one, I am insanely stubborn. I did not stop pursuing you the first time you tried to push me away, I doubt I will give up so easily now that I _know _you do not wish to push me away. Two, I _have _no personal boundaries. If this wasn't apparent before then I suppose this is only driving the point home. There is no time I won't try to contact you nor is there any place you can go that I won't find as well. You are stuck with me Light and I _refuse_ to let you go."

Light literally could not find anything to say as L continued to down his scotch, golden-brown eyes wide with surprise. With a small pat to his shoulder, the dark-haired deviant pushed his chair closer to Light's and reveled in the closeness for just a little while longer.

* * *

"You're not coming inside." Light stated plainly as he slowly unfurled his keys from his pocket, the lone stranger behind him morosely gazing at the plank of wood that would soon obscure the college student from his view. "I mean it. You're _not_."

"Right."

"I'm not kidding."

"Uh huh."

"_Seriously_!"

"I believe you."

"Sayu's upstairs and my mom's in bed. Cut. It. Out." Trying to appear as formidable as possible, Light almost bit off his own tongue as L's hand grabbed his own and pulled him closer to his person. "Wah-"

"Then come with me." It wasn't a question or even a suggestion. It was a _demand_.

Why was it that their relationship seemed to revolve around them?

"I think I'm fine, thanks." Light acidly replied. "Why don't you just go home, L?"

L stared at the boy for a long moment, his eyes losing the spark that had been lying dormant within them the whole night he had been able to stay by Light's side. The hand holding Light's tightened however instead of letting go and the soft gaze hardened into a fierce glare.

"Because it's not home anymore."

"That isn't my fault." Light whispered.

The gray-eyed detective gave the boy a sardonic smile before letting go of his hand.

"I know. It's mine."

The lock popped open, surprising both men leaning against the door. Light turned to say something-

_Probably antagonistic_

But L quickly pushed himself off of the 21-year-old and rushed down the hallway without so much as a goodbye.

Light instantly bit his lip so as to refrain from calling out to the 29-year-old to come back.

Inside his head, Light tried to convince himself that old habits die hard.

_He didn't believe himself in the least. _

* * *

_**5/25/2009 - 3:42 AM**_

_L: Light? _

_Light: L? What do you want? _

_L: What are you doing?_

_Light: … … I *was* sleeping. Wtf L?_

_L: And I was lonely. _

_Light: Get acquainted with your hand then. I'm sure it misses you. _

_L: I can name something that misses *you* Light. :-D _

_Light: DX STOP BEING A PERVERT! I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU! _

_L: Whatever do you mean, darling? I miss you Light. What did you think I was going to say?_

_Light: Being cute is not going to save you! Txt me when I don't feel like killing you!_

_L: When would that be?_

_Light: WHEN I'M NOT SLEEPING, MAYBE?_

_**5/25/2009 - 4:42 AM**_

_L: Lightie-Light-Light…_

_Light: Your death shall not be swift L. You better be fucking bleeding. _

_L: If my crotch was bleeding would you come inspect it? XD _

_Light: I can *make* it bleed for you if you would like. _

_L: … … … Light is so cruel. _

_Light: Fucking believe it. Now let me effing sleep you sex-deprived idiot. _

_L: *whimper* _

_**5/25/2009 - 4:59 AM**_

_L: I LUV U LIIIGGHHHTTT!_

_Light: I'm beginning to think you hate me, L. _

_L: I lurve you. :3_

_Light: Killing you would be too kind. I'm so gonna get you for this. _

_L: Te amo mi amor. __^.~_

_Light: I still haven't decided how yet…_

_L: Je t'adore. :)_

_Light: But you will feel my wrath. _

_L: Sooo much… _

_Light: -.-;_

_**5/25/2009 - 5:31 AM**_

_L: … … Are you still sleeping Light?_

_Light: You're just fucking with me now aren't you?_

_L: I have no idea what you're talking about Light. _

_L:Light? _

_L: Light…?_

_L: Light, Light, Light, Light, Light, Light! _

_Light: I WILL FUCKING ANNHILATE YOU, YOU DAMN SON OF A BITCH! AND FEED YOUR INNARDS TO YOUR FRIENDS AND CALL IT L-FRIED-SURPRISE!_

_L: :-D Love you. _

_Light: . STOP IT! LET ME SLEEP! I will put this phone on silence, I swear!_

_L: Light would miss me. _

_L: Light?_

_L: Liiiighhhttt…_

_L: … … … Ttyl Light. :-* ^.^_

* * *

Light didn't even pretend to be surprised as he entered the apartment he shared with his mother and little sister and found the man he had been trying to avoid (read: _trying_) for the past week and a half sitting on his couch as his mother regaled to him stories of what had been going on around the house whilst he's been away and Sayu peered over at him with questions within her eyes.

"Light!" Sachiko flourished as she stood up, cup of tea within her hand. "I can't believe you! You didn't tell me that you had gotten back together with L! That's _wonderful_!"

L didn't even flinch as the intensity of the boy's glare rose several notches.

"I told you, you two were _so _good together!" The aging mother continued to gush, shoving another piece of cake in front of L's face. "I don't understand you boys and your disagreements!"

"Mother…"

"I'll just leave the three of you alone for a moment and make some more tea! It's been so long since we've had some family time!" Sachiko quickly scurried into the kitchen, an amused twinkle sparkling within her eyes. Sayu turned from her brother to L, who was now staring up at Light with an equally amused smile. A small battle seemed to ensue as they both glared/stared at each other for a full minute, confusing the teenager now munching on the decorative cookies her mother had brought out as soon as she had seen L appear behind her door.

"Are you two just going to eye-fuck each other all night or are we actually going to have some damn tea?"

Light's left eye did a strange twitch as he turned his glare from one nuisance to the other.

Sayu shrugged as she patted the spot next to her, her smile sugary-sweet. "I'm thirsty and quite frankly I don't have the patience to deal with either of your angst."

Ignoring L's awkward chuckle, Light sat himself beside his younger sibling and instead glared at the small table in front of him. Not noticing his mother re-enter the room, the younger of the two males nearly jumped as a pristine cup of tea was laid out in front of him, dark and unsweetened.

"How have you been L?"

It was only until that moment that Light realized that he _had _been wondering the same thing; letting himself be stalked at all times of the day had left him with a questionable emptiness lingering within his chest and no amount of homework, vapid friends or work could take away his mind from the fulfilled satisfaction Light used to feel whilst simply _talking _to the older man about the most mundane of things. He had missed the late night talks and random bursts of conversation set through all hours of the day and though L was putting in the effort to re-establish the routine Light had at one time thought he could not live without, it was just not the _same._

So Light grabbed his tea and held it between his hands, ears perked and waiting for the response as his heart grew heavy with its newfound revelation.

L shrugged before shoving a large cookie within his mouth. "I've been better."

Golden-brown strands of hair fell forward as Light's disappointment rained over him, the dark bitterness of the scalding hot tea washed pungently against his tongue.

* * *

"May I ask you something, Light?"

The aforementioned boy turned his head as he looped his keys around the belt-loop of his pants, chocolate-brown eyes attentive even if his posture said otherwise. The older man next to him, slouched over himself and pulling at his rumpled clothing, smiled at the familiar gesture.

"What is it?" Light responded after a moment of silence.

"When we were still together, there was a period where you didn't touch me… and you didn't want me to touch you too." L drawled out. "We never talked about it; what they did to you."

Light's face became as impassive as stone, the deliberations running through his head causing his eyes to flicker off a much more stoic demeanor. Fingers tightening around the circular keys still lingering within his grasp, Light didn't even blink as L pushed himself into the 21-year-old's personal bubble and slid his jeaned calf around Light's own leg.

"You never brought it up and I guess I just wanted to pretend as if whatever had happened those couple of weeks you were gone didn't, but that was wrong, wasn't it? You did want to talk about it. I just didn't want to listen." Light slowly lifted his head as the words continued streaming out of the dark-haired investigator's lips, staring up at a regretful expression that didn't quite fit L's face. "There were times when I saw you opening your mouth as if you were getting ready to say something and then closing it again after a second's thought. I knew what you were thinking about and yet I let it go anyway. I didn't want to think about you as if you were another victim but that's what you _were_ and I ignored all the signs."

"What's your question L?" Light finally interrupted.

L carefully grabbed the tense hand pressed against the grassy ground underneath them, pressing their shoulders together in way that felt too intimate for Light's tastes. Looking the brunet straight in the eye, the words didn't even falter out of his mouth, "How did you get it over it Light?"

The random fidgeting beside L halted altogether.

For a bare minute nothing but the sounds of their heavy breathing could be heard over the noise of the city, dark eyes wavering whereas brown eyes did not.

"Give over what?" The words were dreadfully quiet but the bitterness underlying the words spoke much more loudly than Light did. "You mean the beatings? The threats? The nightmares? Or the ra-"

"You _know _what I mean." Throat constricting under the heaviness of his former lover's deadened stare, L, for the first time he had ever known Light, felt intensely uncomfortable underneath the scrutiny. "Just… _everything_."

"You don't _get over _something like that L." Light murmured. "I still get nightmares and feel helpless at all the wrong times; I'm human aren't I? I see the scars and I remember. For some reason the memories, they don't fade. Smells, sounds, taste; there are so many triggers that I hid from you, I'm sure you didn't even notice. I couldn't even look at you because I felt… ashamed I guess. When you touched me, I didn't see you. When you kissed me, I didn't feel you. And when you held me… I felt as if I was dying bit by bit. I didn't _get over it_. I just repressed it. Because…"

The skip of breath broke L out of his trance. Mouth gaping open, he managed to let out one word, "Because…?"

"Why do you think, L? Why the hell would I need to repress it? I remember the looks and the sneers and the off-handed remarks! You always acted as if it were _my _fault; as if I _let _them take advantage of me! And I took it because it _was _my choice to become a fucking criminal but I don't regret it! It helped my family and made sure that my sister had food on the table and my mother didn't have to _kill herself _to do the things that my father _should have_." The unmistakable sheen of Light's eyes made L lean closer, feeling as if a part of himself had broken under the reluctant truthfulness of Light's words. "But you made it so hard and I hated it. The daily judgment and the stares… you made me feel like garbage. Do you understand how hard it was to even let you _touch me_ at first, let alone let you _fuck me_?"

L silently shook his head, bowing his head forward. Still, Light continued. "So I just pushed it all aside and let you do as you pleased. I got drunk when we argued because I didn't know what else to do and I came home and let you fuck me because I never knew what I was supposed to say. Everything I did, it was all because I _thought_ that was what you _wanted _and I didn't know how else to give it to you! Because I thought it would make everything better but _it didn't_."

Head snapping forward in surprise, charcoal gray eyes widened immensely. The grin on Light's face was neither comforting nor pleasant in any way.

"It just made everything so much worse."

"… … Oh." L breathed out. "I…"

It was too much. Too much all at once; too much truth, too much feeling, too much unsettled business…

And for once it was not Light who stood up and ran away from his counterpart but the other way around.

* * *

L pushed the boy up against the creamy white wall of the boy's bedroom as his lips smashed pleasantly against Light's own slightly hesitant pair, groaning as the pliant mouth beneath his own immediately opened at the familiarity of the body crushed against Light's trimmer frame.

A split second of surprise broke through Light's own mental barrier as he stood stock-still and watched the man as he ravished his lips through open eyes. The familiar pressure and swipe of L's tongue lulled the college student into a strange state of security as Light felt his eyelids shut and his hands come off the walls of his bedroom and tangle within the mess L liked to call his hair. Losing himself in the moment, Light felt himself fall back for a moment to a time where there relationship had not been so complicated but still incredibly difficult to define.

They had always been stuck in between places. It was only now that Light was figuring out just how not normal that was.

"Stop." Light breathed out as he pulled himself away from the pair of tempting lips and pushed against the now-suffocating embrace. "You said you needed your winter jacket back."

"Yes." L heaved out, still staring right at Light's lips.

"Get off of me and I can get it for you." The college student once again pushed against slim shoulders; though L appeared to be the frailer of the two, he was actually stronger and therefore harder to push off. "Please… let me just go get the damn jacket."

"Don't you miss this? _Us_?" Trying to catch the shaken gaze which refused to meet his own, L began to growl in annoyance. "We can start over. A new beginning for the both of us! We can just forget all the bad things and work towards something better…"

Tanned hands formed fists around the bunched up fabric of L's shirt, Light's chest heaving erratically as his body began to shake. "You can't keep _doing _this to me!"

L grunted as Light finally pitched his body weight forward and slammed into him headfirst, breaking out of the hold and shuffling as quickly as he could away from the shocked detective now sprawled out on the carpet floor of his bedroom. "I won't forget; I _can't _forget! Is it really so easy for you to blank out everything we've been through, all the good and bad times we've shared? Is it? Damn it, L, this isn't a fucking game! This is my _life_ and I'm tired of having to follow your damn lead! If this is you _trying _to win me over, then I hate to see what the hell you would do if it was the exact opposite!"

Light quickly ran out of his room, nearly running his little sister over as he rushed out of the apartment they shared.

Sayu said nothing as she peeked inside her brother's bedroom and saw L staring up at the ceiling, a large bluish-purple bruise forming over his right cheek. Sighing a lamenting breath of sympathy, the young girl left the older man to his devices.

L seriously needed a new dating strategy and _quick_.

* * *

"Do you think he's ok?"

L felt his eye twitch in irritation.

"I don't know… poke him and see what happens."

Again.

"What if he tries to bite me?"

And again.

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

_And again_.

"Wait, _what_?"

"_Gentlemen_," L growled out, both Mail and Mihael jumping to attention at the raspy sound of the man's usually bland voice, "if you are quite done, I have some things I need to work on… _alone_."

"Oh…" Mail poked Mihael in the ribs, "he's still trying to find a way to get into lover-muffin's pants, I think."

"I wouldn't be surprised. L's dating strategies _suck_."

Mihael didn't even flinch as the pencil stifled between L's hands snapped in half.

"I _am _still in the room!"

"We hadn't noticed." Said blond commented airily. "You were too busy angsting to really pay any attention to."

"Are you _trying _to make me angry?"

"That depends; are you _trying _to pay attention to the things we are telling you or are you just going to keep zoning out and giving us plenty of ammunition to annoy your ass both now and in the future?"

L, for once, didn't deign to comment.

"_Thank you_." Mihael huffed out, legs crossing over each other as the snappy blond lazily stretched himself out over the chair he was situated within. "Now, why don't you tell us what's on your freaking mind so we don't have to keep guessing and you don't have to keep daydreaming."

"I…" L stared down at the broken pieces of wood still littered over his desk, not quite sure why he was hesitating. "I believe I have made an erroneous mistake on Light's part and I am not quite sure how I am supposed to fix it."

"Like…?"

_Pride. His hesitation boiled down to pride._

"I… may have been rash in my assumptions over his habits and not handled certain situations as delicately as I should have." The dark-haired man quietly admitted. "Everything I ever assumed about him… I had hoped I wouldn't become that type of boyfriend when we first got together and now look at me. I am exactly what I had hoped I wouldn't be…"

"_Finally_." Mail suddenly shouted out. L blinked as he glanced up at the redhead, confused beyond belief. "He _finally _admits his faults! It only took him, what? A couple of months? Almost a year? Damn, I think Light actually got the record this time."

"Some kids get all the luck."

L bit back the dirty look fringed just at the edges of his self-control, biting his thumb as a way to temper back his sudden urges to strangle his two employees.

"Now," Mihael didn't even flinch under the intense rage of L's glare, "you know what it is you were doing _wrong_. You can't fix what you did _back then_ but you can definitely fix it _now_. You get me?"

Twisting his fingers around each other, L quietly nodded as he slouched further into his cushiony chair and felt his thoughts take him away from his employees and dissecting every single conversation, if only to prevent every future mistake.

* * *

L put away his phone as he watched Light make his way down the steps, his usually borderline-mild features nowhere in sight as L's face seemed to light up with glee.

"L?" Light broke away from his acquaintances in a blink of an eye and tossed his clutch-case over his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"I… wanted to walk you home." L shoved his hands into his pocket as he said this, feeling intensely uncomfortable with the people behind the boy staring at him. "Would you like me to accompany you to your house? I leave the decision in your hands."

Surprised by the man's lack of demands, Light nodded quickly, a faint blush settling over his cheeks as he did so.

"How were your classes?" L smiled as Light shuffled his way closer to his person, eyes curious and full of interest towards this change of demeanor. "I haven't been able to really catch up on how your studies are doing lately…"

"I'm doing as good as I can be while working, though I know I probably could be doing better…" Light admitted. "Uh… how about you? How's work been?"

"Fine." L answered vaguely. "Just fine."

"Ok…" They both continued to walk on as Light's voice faded into the street air, the busy streets and bustling sidewalk filling in the silence for the both of them. Light internally wondered what had caused the sudden change in L's mood while L silently hoped that he would not say anything more incriminating or disrespectful than usual.

"So?" Light murmured after a couple of minutes of just walking. "What's this all about?"

"All what about?" Light said nothing, his narrowed brown eyes and thin lips saying everything he didn't need to. L, not wanting to create anymore tension between them than there already was, felt his shoulders sag in exhaustion.

"I…"

"… _Yes_?"

"I'll get back to you." L practically stuttered out. "I honestly don't know what to say right now, the only thing I know for sure is that I wanted to see you."

"Good." Light smiled. L seemed stunned with disbelief at the word. "What can I say? I like hearing the truth coming out of your mouth every once in awhile."

L took in a small bit of fresh air and shrugged, not having anticipating Light's reaction but grateful nonetheless.

'_One step at a time… I can do this one step at a time._'

Grabbing Light's hand after a small bump of the other's appendage, L felt something swell within him that he hadn't felt in a long, _long _time.

* * *

_**6/15/2009 – 10:14 PM**_

_L: Light, how are you? _

_Light: You mean since you last saw me 3 hrs ago? … … Fine? _

_L: I just wanted to make sure. :3 Are you doing anything tonight? _

_Light: No, but it's kind of late…_

_L: Tomorrow's your day off isn't it? _

_Light: o.O How the fuck do you know that? _

_L: Detective Secret. *^.^*_

_Light: I suppose I really don't have anything better to do…_

_L: Exactly. You should spend some happy-times w/me. I'll pick you up in 10 mins. _

_Light: Just 10 mins?_

_L: … … … Ok, maybe I'm outside your building now. I just wanted to give you time to get ready. ;-) _

_Light: Goody. -.-; _

_L: luv u. :-* _

_Light: w/e dork. Be down in 5._

_L: (v)^.^(v)_

_Light: lol idiot. _

* * *

"Why the hell did I agree to this?" Light muttered after another swig of his glass, the light-headed feeling the alcohol procured within him causing nothing but distress. "I don't want this."

L blinked as Light pushed the glass away from him. The golden hand shook for a moment before it was pulled back, the lithe body now stretched out against the fluffy couch of L's apartment. "This is stupid. I was stupid. Take me home."

"What's the matter?" L slurred out, not quite drunk but not quite sober either.

"L, you're trying to get me drunk."

"Nu uh."

"Yeah huh."

"Nu uh."

"Yes you are!"

"Says who?"

Light pulled his head up from the cushion it had been smashed against and blearily glared at the older man.

"… … … Ok, so I was tryin' to get you drunk. Obviously it didn't work now did it?" Taking Light's lead, the dark-haired detective leaned against the arm of his loveseat and sighed. "I wasn't going to do anything forward Light."

Another look.

"Ok, so I was going to do something forward." L once again admitted. "But I'm just _tired _Light. I… I miss you."

"I was… I mean, I must've been really bad to you, wasn't I?" Light's voice was slightly muffled by the pillow now absconding his face but L managed to hear it just fine. "I must've been doing something _really _wrong if you thought I was _cheating _on you."

"How did you-"

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, L. You were pretty obvious about it." The 21-year-old boy whispered, remembering their last argument vividly even if it had been _months _ago. "I kept thinking to myself, 'Damn Light, you finally fucked up the one relationship you managed to keep steady!' and I was right. So go ahead. Tell me how horrible I was L and then we'll fuck if you really want to. You deserve it… right?"

"Is that all it would be to you?" The older man lamented, the glass in his own hands now empty. "A quick fuck?"

"You're an idiot if you really think that." Light stated, sounding amazingly sober. "You're… just… so much to me. Shit, when the fuck did I turn into such a sentimental drunk?"

"Since always?" L teased. "I love that about you…"

"Do you?" The mussed brunet questioned, face astoundingly serious. The question seemed completely different, no longer pertaining to the tease but a different subject altogether. "_Do you_, L?"

L's lips curved into a faint smile as he stared down at the cigarettes lying on his table, his fingers itching for something to hold. "… … Always."

Light smiled as he turned his head to the side and stared at his.. what? Ex-boyfriend? Friend? New beau? He didn't even know anymore… "It must've been tough. I know I'm not an easy-going kind of guy."

"No. Not, not exactly. I suppose I just… expected you to change." L quietly admonished "When we first got together, it was one thing. We weren't really together so it didn't really matter to me what you did in your spare time. But after three years, I figured that the club scene would get old and…"

L bit his lip as he fumbled with the lighter in his pocket, the new pack of cigarettes weighing heavily against his hand. "You would be satisfied with the same things I was."

"Why didn't you just _tell me_ how you were feeling instead of blowing up like a little kid?"

"Because that's just what I do Light! I repress and repress and repress then I blow up! Sorry, but we don't all process in the best of ways now do we? Like, I don't know, going out with their friends after a huge argument and getting completely hammered only to come home and have drunken sex with said angry boyfriend!" Light cringed at the enraged glare sent in his direction. "Light, you have no impulse control. Didn't you think that I wouldn't catch that after years of being together?"

"So you thought because there are some nights I go overboard on the liquor that I probably was-"

"_Yes._" For L, it felt _good _to finally let everything out in the open. He had been dreading this moment for months and here he was finally letting it loose and it felt _wonderful_. "And we both know that you haven't the best track record when it comes to guys. Can you really blame me?"

Light was silent for a moment, still as can be. His face, which had once again pillowed itself against the couch cushions, slowly came out of hiding once again, the expression unreadable and his tone plain.

"_Yes. _YesI _can_."

The edges of his vision blurred as Light's face was continually brought out of focus, L's fingers trembling as the cigarette was brought to his lips and his free hand searched fruitlessly for a lighter.

"If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't. I told you that time and again, L. If I wanted to sleep with someone else, I wouldn't need to do it behind your back. But in this case, I suppose neither of us would admit to being wrong. I suppose something's just won't change." Light whispered as he brought the glass up against his lips and took a tentative sip. "I won't apologize… _you _won't apologize… and here we are, back with another glass in our hands and talking as if we won't be cursing each other's guts out as soon as the buzz washes away and we're both sober as all hell. Classic."

"I think I get it though." Slumping absentmindedly so that his gaze caught the ceiling, a cloud of smoke began to hang overhead. He had forgotten how much he _hated it_ when L smoked. "We're both fucked up."

L said nothing, agreeing with the statement wholeheartedly. Throwing a hand over his face, the older man unleashed a giant sigh once the onslaught of chuckles faded back into silence.

"And that's why we can't be together."

"_What?_" Cigarette burning his fingers, L fumbled with the lighted stick whilst Light kept his eyes forward towards the ceiling.

"I'm not going to stop being myself, L. And you're not either. Maybe… maybe we both just need some time to realize what exactly that _means_."

"And what the hell is it that we've been _doing _then?"

Light finally turned his head, L biting back a gasp as glassy almond-colored eyes dimmed with sadness. "Chasing after something that doesn't exist."

"I won't give up Light." The words were, once again, the pinnacle of truth.

Perhaps L had learned more from this experience than Light had thought.

"Good." Light whispered as lowered his gaze towards the floor, eyelids lowering as the ever-present exhaustion finally caught up to the drunken buzz and overwhelmed him entirely. "Maybe then I won't either."

Light wouldn't have been able to tell later, but L's smile stretched tepidly over his lips at Light's final words, cigarette slowly burning out within the ashtray set on the table as both men fell into a deep, long sleep.


	5. Bad Romance Starsmith Remix

A/N: I guess we all know what this means…

"BAD ROMANCE" ISN'T OVER. OMG WTF?

Whhhhyyyyyyy? T.T

And why the hell do I think I'm the only one possibly depressed over this fact?

-.-; Never mind…

This chapter is not a straight-on continuation you guys. This is to set up the kind of relationship L and Light now have so as to bridge the gap from last chapter to the next in a much more orderly fashion. Remember, they are *not* together. Yet. Maybe. ;-) Still haven't decided whether that's going to happen yet or not. Tee-hee.

I feel as if this story has blown up in a way that I did not expect. I'm still trying to figure out wth is going on and I feel as if I'm the one behind the times. Oh L and Light, you two love to confuse me so. (And no, I don't know when the next chapter is going to be finished. I write these things when I have time and when I have the inspiration to spare so please don't throw stones at me T.T). Reviews are always great motivation though, I won't lie. :-) Enjoy your intermission my little monsters… You deserve it.

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note nor do I own "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, whether it be the original or the Starsmith Remix. (There are waaaaay more remixes but this is the one provided on "The Fame Monster" album btw) Ha! I still manage to find a way to not stray away from the album. Love me you guys, I'm trying my best. ^.^

Side-Note: **To Emi:** you're just as obsessed with Lady Gaga as I am and your strange-ness really shows; my influence on you grows stronger every day lol. Happy Birthday honey, mommy loves you. :-)

* * *

"_Caught in a bad romance._

_Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-ma!_

_Ga-ga-oh-la-la!_

_Want your bad romance. _

_Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-ma!_

_Ga-ga-oh-la-la!_

_Want your bad romance. _

_Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-ma!_

_Ga-ga-oh-la-la!_

_Want your bad romance. _

_Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah! Roma-roma-ma!_

_Ga-ga-oh-la-la!_

_Want your bad romance. _

_Romance, romance, romance, romance, romance, romance, romance, romance…_

_Caught, caught, caught, caught, caught, caught, caught, caught, caught-_

_I want your love and_

_I want your revenge-_

_You and me could write a bad romance. _

_I want your love and_

_All your lovers' revenge-_

_You and me could write a bad romance."_

_-_"Bad Romance (Starsmith Remix)" by Lady Gaga

* * *

_Intermission: __**Bad Romance (Starsmith Remix)**_

* * *

_**6/30/2009 – 9:33 PM**_

_L: Where are you?_

_Light: I'm on my way now! Hold your horses!_

_L: You said you would be here approximately 30 minutes ago. Are you going senile in old age, Light?_

_Light: You do realize you're older than me right?_

_L: But still so much sexier. Fruit only grow riper with time Light. ;-)_

_Light: Until they rot, you mean… ;3_

_L: Light is so mean. T.T_

_Light: And yet you still chase after me for some reason._

_L: ^.^ True. Light is just too smexy for his own good. _

_Light: … … … idiot. _

_L: Round II goes to me then. :-) Now where the hell are you Light? _

_Light: In a place. Now stop asking or I'll just go back home you stalker. _

_L: :( I only stalk Light sometimes. Today I did not get a chance to so I am even more anxious to see him than usual. _

_Light: You really creep me out sometimes L._

_L: C:_

* * *

_**6/30/2009 – 9:45 PM**_

_L: Light, I feel as if you are messing with me now. Where. Are. You._

_Light: I'm sorry! I'm trying my best here alright! I'm in a tight situation at the moment…_

_L: I'd like to be in *your* tight situation. Alright, now that the innuendo is out of the way, tell me what's going on. I hate not being in the loop Light. _

_Light: I'm kind of still stuck at the apartment…_

_L: :-L_

_Light: And Sayu's kind of puking her brains out. Mom's completely out of it and I don't think Sayu's gonna be able to make it into the bedroom at this rate. _

_L: … … Now I just feel bad. _

_Light: Well, you know, I *try*. It's my main mission in life besides being puked on by my baby sister. Damn it, this sweater is completely ruined now. _

_L: I will get my keys and drop by. You obviously need help. _

_Light: I'm *fine*. _

_L: Light, get your finger out of your ass and accept my assistance before I barge within your home and practice my 'make Light think I'm obnoxious' hardcore skillz. _

_Light: You don't need to practice, I already am impressed by your fortitude. -.-; _

_L: I'm getting my keys…_

_Light: L…_

_L: I'm getting to the door…_

_Light: Do you always have to do this?_

_L: I'm putting on my shoes…_

_Light: Damn it, L!_

_L: I'm fixing my jacket…_

_Light: FINE!_

_Light: BUT YOU BETTER NOT DO ANYTHING TO BUG ME MORE THAN USUAL L LAWLIET! I AM COVERED IN VOMIT, RUNNING ON PURE CAFFEINE AND RED BULL AND AM TRYING TO KEEP BOTH MY AND SAYU'S GAGGING NOISES AT A MINIMUM SO AS TO NOT WAKE UP MY MOTHER! DON'T PUSH. MY. BUTTONS TONIGHT MISTER!_

_L: … … … Should I bring flowers for Light too? _

_Light: DX_

* * *

_**6/30/2009 – 10:01 PM**_

_Light: Could you pls pick up some more detergent and Ibuprofen while you're at the store L?_

_L: How did Light know I was at the store? :-O _

_Light: Where *else* are you going to get the flowers stupid?_

_L: Hahaha Light knew I wasn't kidding. :-) Light knows me so well, this *must* mean he still loves me. _

_Light: I said don't push it mister. _

_L: Fine. If only for poor Sayu's sake. :-( What kind do you need, Light?_

_Light: You know what kind of detergent and medicine I get L. Stop trying to prolong the conversation and get your ass over here. I might have to call the doctor again if she keeps throwing up like this._

_L: Light caught me. :3 Do not worry, I shall be there soon. I left the store about 5 mins ago and am now homeward bound! _

_Light: Cheeseball. -.-_

* * *

_**6/30/2009 – 10:16 PM **_

_L: Light, I need you to open the door. _

_L: Liiiiiiightttt._

_L: Light I would hate to resort to calling you when I know your mother is resting so please just open the door. _

_L: Light! My arms! THEY ARE GETTING TIRED! Your assistance is required AT THE DOOR. _

_L: The flowers are getting crushed and it is all Light's fault. T.T_

_L: LI-oh. Door's opening. Took you long enough. ;-)_

* * *

"Sometimes, I really wonder if being your friend is really worth it." Light admitted as he opened his apartment door, clad in only a white wife-beater and a holy pair of loose jeans. L's gaze went downward almost immediately, his mouth flying open before his brain could process the information coming out of it.

"I would love to tap that… _again_."

L blinked as Light smothered an onslaught of chuckles, his right hand reaching upward and smacking over his lips so as to stifle the sound. Motioning for the detective to come in with his free hand, the way-too-amused brunet closed the door behind them. Pointing at the small bag hanging off one hand (and downright ignoring the three bunches of flowers enclosed in the other), Light asked the obvious, "that for me?"

"More like for Sayu, but I suppose in a round-about way…" Light snatched the bag out of the snarky man's hand before he could continue on with his most-probable cheesy pick up line. "Well, that was rude." L finished off lamely.

"Sayu's upstairs, you can put those in the kitchen and wake my mom up and you'll be minus one very sorely missed appendage that I'm sure you would like to be able to use again." The college student grinned. "Savvy?"

"Killjoy." L pouted as he slumped off into the kitchen, already quite familiar with the domain after 3 years of inspection. Light smothered another smile, this one much more affectionate than the previous one.

It was better not to give the older man any sort of hope…

Right?

* * *

"Light, the doctor wants to know if Sayu has been able to hold any of the water you've been giving her?" L whispered as he held the phone away from his mouth. Light absently nodded as he mopped up the mess within the bathroom, having practically carried the young girl back into her room after she had puked herself-out.

"She hasn't thrown up in the last hour and she's managed to keep down the crackers and water I gave her earlier without much effort. Her fever's gone down a bit too so I don't think I'll be having to go to the emergency room." L nodded as he relayed the information to the doctor awaiting the investigator's response. Light pulled off the dirty tank-top now hanging off of his sweat-soaked body, knowing that he was probably going to catch the same bug and hating himself for it. Not noticing the sudden pause in L's speech, the younger of the two continued on his cleaning rampage, mop clenched tightly within the 21-year-old's grasp.

"He says that as long as you keep monitoring her and watch out for her temperature that she should be fine. Keeping her hydrated would be top priority right now." L managed to smoothly get out. Still staring at the golden mass of flesh now on display for him to see, the pale detective wasted no time in devouring what little scraps of Light he could get. "I suppose we'll both will be taking shifts in watching out for Sayu-chan tonight…"

"How did I figure you wouldn't be going home tonight?" Light grumbled out with no malice whatsoever. "Fine. I'll take a shower first though. I refuse to be littered with Sayu throw-up germs any longer than necessary."

"Of course!" L cooed out, not removing himself from the bathroom and instead leering at the exasperated student with gleeful lust. "Don't mind me, Light! In fact, if you wished to save some water an-"

Light gave his ex-boyfriend a rather fiery glare, hands already on the button of his jeans.

"I shouldn't even finish that sentence should I?"

* * *

"L," Light ground out as he bit his lip, the blanket surrounding the exhausted first born not warming him nearly as much as the body now situated beside him, "what the hell are you doing in my bed when you _should _be watching Sayu and making sure she's _not_ vomiting her brains out?"

"But Light, the doctor said that all-night monitoring was not necessary. We just need to check up on her every 30 minutes and make sure she is stocked with liquids and that her fever stays under control." L stated matter-of-factly. "Therefore constant supervision is not necessary. Sayu has food, was given water along with her medication and her fever is at only 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Perfectly under control."

"There's no arguing with your logic is there?" Light muttered as he settled himself back into bed, too tired to keep up with the man's unnecessary argumentative nature. "Wake me up in 30 minutes then."

L shrugged as he propped his head up with his arm and stared down at the boy beside him, smiling as he realized that Light had unconsciously curled up next to L just as he used to. Keeping his dark gray eyes right on the alarm clock beside him, L made sure to get himself ready for a long night. The sound of Light's soft snores clicked alongside the squeaks of the bed as L repeatedly got himself up and checked up on his young ward throughout the night and early-morning.

What Light didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

* * *

"Pancakes!" Sayu cheerfully cried out as she ran past her older brother and grabbed L by the sleeve. Practically dropping him on the seat beside her, the 16-year-old teenager salivated alongside L, frothing pathetically at the large of pancakes steaming headily in front of them. "I love you mom…" Sayu continued to drool.

Sachiko laughed as she put down the bottle of syrup and gave the man and girl the go-ahead to begin eating, Light feeling as though he were the odd man out. Staring at the detective, who for some reason never looked out of place within his home and with his family, Light pondered on their strange situation and how both men seemed to handle it.

Biting back the bitterness that always hung alongside his thoughts when it pertained to his and L's relationship, Light settled himself down at the table and grabbed a plate.

It was way too early to contemplate something as convoluted as relationships, let alone his and L's.

"PANCAKES!"

"Sayu, calm down! You're just getting better for God sakes!"

"_Killjoy._"

"Tell me about it…" L fumbled out through a mouth filled with syrup and pancakes.

"L!"

"I WIN!"

* * *

_**6/31/2009 – 12: 09 PM **_

_L: We should have breakfast more often Light. ;-) _

_Light: You seem to suffer a lot from foot-in-mouth syndrome don't you? _

_L: Bow-chica-wow-wow…_

_Light: Idiot._

_L: But I made you laugh didn't I? _

_Light: Even if you did, we both know I wouldn't admit it. _

_L: That's alright. I'll break you down eventually Lightie-poo. _

_Light: The more you keep going, the farther you are from getting laid…_

_L: Shutting up now. _

_Light: Right. ^.^ _

* * *

Light stared up at his phone, lying comfortably on his bed as the smile on his face grew a bit wider.

The pressure within his chest didn't feel nearly as suffocating as it usually did.


	6. Alejandro

A/N: OH. M. GEE. This video… BLEW MY NOW MINISCULE BRAIN AWAY INTO TINY DISINTEGRATIVE PIIIEEECCEESSS.

I love you Gaga. You remind me why I keep on writing; to make bat-shit crazy stuff that people either can't understand or understand a little _too _well. :3

So, many of you asked for a continuation of the last installment and all I really have to say is here you go. Hopefully it pleases you (because I honestly have no idea where this is going, this is all L and Light's show from here on out and Hari-chan has no part in it whatsoever as strange as that sounds) and you guys will have to at least tell me what you think. Hahahaha I realize now that we're getting to the songs that are actually being played on the radio aside from Bad Romance… nice. Cherish it you guys. _Cherish it_.

o.o;

Right.

Let's just get to the story, shall we? ^.^;

Btw side-note (cuz we all like these ;3): I don't have the booklet for The Fame Monster Lyrics so I scoured the web (which had so many variations on the lyrics it was scary) and went by my own ear and got… this. If this is incorrect than I apologize, but only correct me if you have the booklet please, no matter how well-intentioned. Everyone hears things differently after all. ^.^; **AAAANNND I have new poll and forum up you guys! :) Please check both out and if you would please either vote or comment, that would be nice**. :3 And a hint to the next song to be used... is in my avatar. If you have the Fame Monster, you'll know it. XD

_**WARNINGS (do I still need to do this? If you've read this far… REALLY?): Definite guy on guy action, though no solid yaoi in this one (once again, SORRY FAN-GIRLS AND BOYS). Allusions to attempted suicide, self-mutilation, rape and substance abuse along with violence, blood and stuff of the icky variety. Depression along with other mood/psychological disorders if you manage to catch it and angst of the gangsta-and-still-very-fucked-up-but-not-willing-to-admit-it!Light and detective-but-not-as-reclusive-or-douchie-but-still-very-much-a-douche!L variety. Oh… and Jaeger. (If you've ever drank Jaeger then you KNOW this shit needs a warning label. FUCKING JAEGER!)**_

Disclaimer: Don't own DN nor do I own "Alejandro" by Lady Gaga. I wish though… (Oh how I wish) T.T

* * *

"_Stop, please, just let me go…_

_Alejandro, _

_Just let me go!_

_She's not broken…_

_She's just a baby _

_But her boyfriend's like her dad-_

_(Just like her dad)_

_And all those flames that burned before him…_

_Now he's gonna fire-fight,_

_Gonna cool the bad!_

_You know that I love you boy; _

_Hot like Mexico, rejoice._

_At this point I've got to choose-_

_Nothing to lose._

_Don't call my name_

_(Don't call my name-)_

_Alejandro._

_I'm not your babe_

_(I'm not your babe-)_

_Fernando._

_Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch, _

_Just smoke my cigarette and hush!_

_Don't call my name_

_(Don't call my name-)_

_Roberto._"

-"Alejandro" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title:_** Alejandro**_

* * *

_His face… _

_It was so blurry. _

_Fingers ran over thick, aged skin just like they used to when he was still a child and this man, this man that haunted his dreams so _well _had enough life in him to let the young boy do so. _

_Dark brown eyes, graying obsidian hair, a distinguished chin always littered with sparse tiny hairs leading up to the thick mustache that never seemed to be neglected- _

_He missed him so much. _

'_What would you say if you could see the things I've done?' _

* * *

At that thought, he would always awaken; the shame heady and unbearable even within the land of his dreams.

Light turned his head and stared into the photograph that never left his bedside, throat clogged and dry.

"What would you say dad…?"

But the photograph never answered back no matter how much Light asked.

* * *

Sachiko stared at the young man in front of her, the familiar dark cloud of hair tangled over gray despondent eyes. "He's still in bed. I knew he'd get sick after all that time he spent with Sayu. I'm surprised you didn't get ill as well."

"I look sickly enough as it is, Mrs. Yagami, can you imagine what I would look like if I actually _did_?" L smiled sadly under the curtain of obsidian strands of made almost entirely of knots. "Do you think he'll want to see me?"

The smile on the tired mother's face slowly slid off her lips, wrinkled pale hands grasping one of L's own within its shaky grip.

"He's been having trouble sleeping lately…"

"Ah. I suppose that's a polite no?"

"Think of it" Sachiko's hand tightened momentarily over L's, "as a present 'not really' but a future 'most likely.'"

The milky-skinned detective felt his own lips twitch upward.

It was nice being with the family again.

* * *

"You're early." Light smiled as he shoved his carry-case off of the clothed shoulder it was strapped against and primly sat down in his 'designated' seat, the dark-eyed man across from the light-eyed young man staring into his cup of milk-and-sugar laced coffee as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

"You're late." L snapped, his voice softened only by the large amount of cake already stuffed in his mouth. "Light should know better by this point…"

"Oh please, like I complain all those times _you're _late?"

"… … Yes."

"That's beside the point! You're late all the time, deal with it."

"Hmph. Nice to see you too, Light."

It still felt strange to not kiss each other in greeting whenever they saw each other, but L and Light managed to do so with not-so-little effort on both of their parts. Time had done little to stifle the urge to be close to each other and their enduring heated glances and rampant flirting probably didn't help the other's self-control.

'_I just have to be patient_…' L would think to himself when the urge to pin Light down and ravish him for all he was worth would overwhelm him entirely. '_I know we can get there if I'm patient…_'

Light on the other hand seemed to be fighting tooth and nail to keep up the boundaries of friendship that were slowly but surely becoming entirely non-existent within his and L's relationship (for lack of a better word of course). It was getting to be six months since they had 'separated' and still he was stuck in the same old habits he had become accustomed to after 3 years of comforting routine, wanting something he didn't think he should have whilst beating himself up for still wanting it.

It was an exhausting cycle to say the least.

"Any luck triumphing your GPA from last semester?" L easily transitioned, for once noticing the look of discomfort shadowing the better part of Light's face. Instead of becoming agitated at L's clear disdain over his indecisiveness, Light gave the man an eerie smile that reflected his own inner-turmoil.

Light was quite sure that the only reason that L allowed these transgressions to continue was because they were both as equally awkward at these conversations as the other, Light simply hid his outward unease towards the distracting subjects a lot better than L.

With a charming smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a sway of his hand, Light continued on with the useless drabble, his own headache increasing with each minute that L stared at him as if it were only a matter of time…

But if Light would have anything to say about it, then that 'a matter of time' would be 'not anytime soon'.

* * *

"Mikami and I are going to go out tonight." Light began uncomfortably, as if he didn't quite know what he was doing speaking to L about the planned events (pressed upon by Mikami and not Light) but pushing himself to do so regardless. "I… I wanted to know if you wanted to come with us."

"Like a date?"

"Not like a date! Like friends! Friends who don't scare off potential boyfriends/girlfriends and grab each other's asses because they have possession issues!" The brunet ranted. "Those kinds of friends!"

"… Still seems like a date to me." L downed the rest of his coffee, smiling as Light practically sputtered. Wiping off the spittle with a napkin, L bit back another smirk. "It's alright, Light. We've been through the friends-with-benefits stage before, remember?"

"Even though I wouldn't have called us 'friends'…" Light drawled as he put down his cup of coffee and leaned back into the familiar chair, the homey scenery of L's kitchen a mimicry of his time with the overly-reclusive detective. "And there was nothing 'beneficial' about it either."

L's eyes gleamed thoughtfully underneath the artificial light, "I _beg _to differ, Light."

The startled look on his 'friend's face was enough amusement to last him until the end of the week.

"Maybe next time Light." L cheerfully declined, taking in the disappointment within his former lover's face as if it were the finest of wines; as slowly and delicately as possible.

* * *

_**7/19/2009 – 4:20 PM**_

_Light: Get out of work yet? _

_L: Possibly. What is it that you need Light?_

_Light: Oh, so now I can only txt u when I need something?_

_L: Of course not. I was simply checking…_

_L: Though if Light *did* need something I am here for *all* of his needs. ;-D_

_Light: Pervert. :-p_

_Light: I just wanted to see you but I don't think I want to *now*. I might get 'accidentally' molested again. _

_L: ;-) You know you liked it. _

_Light: What scares me is that you're not even trying to be apologetic about it or deny it anymore._

_L: ^.^ I can't help it. Light is too scrumptious for me to sound sorry about touching him. Light, be less sexy. It will benefit us all. Maybe. _

_L: I retract that last txt. Light is always sexy so I do not think it would be plausible to try to be UN-sexy. _

_Light: You're warped mind amazes me sometimes. _

_L: I try. See you in 10? _

_Light: *siggggh* ffiiiinnneee…_

* * *

Light laughed as he leaned back against the now-familiar couch, the idiotic movie playing in front of him both mind-numbing and enjoyable. L, who was curled up beside him, kept stealing glances in his direction, but for once Light did not do anything to abate them.

He was comfortable.

It had been so long since he had felt this comfortable…

"Oh my God, why are we watching this again?" Light chuckled (read: giggled) under his breath, leaning into L's personal space without thinking. "I think I just lost several hundred thousand of my brain cells that I'll _never _get back now…"

"Ah, the good die young _and_ stupid, Light. Don't ever forget that."

Snorting out his diet coke from his nose, the tan-skinned young man flopped over L's lap and grabbed the popcorn lying innocuously on top of the cushions surrounding L's right hand side. The feel of a hand on his bottom didn't even shock the 21-year-old, hints of a smirk shadowing over his lips as the subtle touch became a daring grope.

"What are you doing…?" Light slapped the hand away as he came back up, bowl of popcorn in one hand as the other balanced his form upright. "You were trying to get a free touch! _Again_!"

"Can't be free if you know I'm doing it." L smirked as he guzzled down his extra-sweet orange soda. "Now, you're all relaxed and I'm certainly less stressed than I was before you got here…"

"I'm going to hate where this is going aren't I?"

"Close your eyes."

"Yup. Definitely going to hate it."

"Like I'm going to do something you won't like." L held back the lewd expression waiting to bloom over his face.

"Uh oh… you're thinking something perverted again aren't yo-"

Before Light could finish his question, L leapt over the mountain of cushions surrounding them on his couch and jumped on top of the younger brunet. A loud squeal (which Light would later deny emitting altogether) broke the racket the incredibly dumb-down comedy still playing on the television as a series of kicks, gropes and grapples ensued.

"ARGH!" Light grunted as L flipped him over his head and landed back-first on the floor, long legs that weren't the 21-year-old's immediately straddling the college student's waist and keeping the pouting young man right where he was. "Get. Off. Of. ME!"

"Uh uh." L breathed out as he leaned forward, face barely inches away from Light's.

"L, get the hell off of my stomach before I catch you with a right-hook when you're not looking and breaking your fucking nose!" Bright red cheeks puffed out adorably as the scarred collegiate began to shake with rage. "I know 15 different ways to kill a man without the use of weapons or excessive force. _Want to try me_?"

"And I know 25." L smirked before pointing at himself. "_Homicide_ Detective."

"Fuck you!"

"That's the idea!"

"NOT. FUNNY!"

"Well, I find it hilarious." L whispered into the other's ear, the same nose that Light had been threatening to break no less than a couple of minutes ago now nuzzling the soft skin just beneath the lobe of said appendage. A slight shiver ran up Light's spine at the timid touch, face turning slightly to meet the opaque gray eyes following the prone brunet's every move. "Why don't you?"

"You're about to cross some serious lines L…" The ragged taunt did little to push the older detective off of Light's person but did bring Light back to the present; at a time where he and L _weren't_ together and any type of physical contact that breached the line that the younger man was trying to keep intact was not welcome.

'My body is certainly not getting the memo,' Light silently thought to himself 'and neither is _his_.'

A small kiss was pressed against Light's jaw as any thoughts of struggling immediately fled his thoughts and the fists caught between L's own grip were loosened entirely. Then another kiss was pressed against his cheek and all the tension within Light's body drained away as if it had never been there to begin with. The tightened hands still bound roughly against his scarred wrists pulled away and slid down to the college student's flanks, their torsos sliding against each other as their noses touched briefly and drowsy eyes connected without the blazing intensity of anger or passion that was usually present in both man's eyes whenever the other managed to catch their gaze.

A part of Light seethed incessantly as a pair of chapped pale lips met his own, the kiss chaste and pleasant; a distinct opposite to most of their past kisses which were always harried, rushed and painful, never full of real sentiment but always full of _feeling_. Teeth clanking against teeth, lips bruising in their intensity as tongues smoothed out the rough bites and gentle nips; it was always pleasurable, but only because of the person he was kissing.

One gentle kiss, however, became two, and two gradually became three-

After awhile, Light gave up on the count altogether and simply enjoyed the sensation of being cared for. It wasn't one he was used to but for some reason it still felt familiar to him; like one of his father's hugs when he was still just a child and didn't worry about whether he was going to come home safe or not or the first time his sister smiled at him without that knowing sadness set within her eyes.

_Warm yet still a bit terrifying. _

A slick tongue swept against Light's bottom lip as his eyes began to glaze over, his train of thought now darkening as the innocence of the gesture was brushed aside for something much more ardent. Tilting his head away from the kiss so as o gather back his mental capabilities, brown eyes glared up at the smug look perched on L's face.

"Are you busy on Saturday?" Light breathed out, refusing to back down from the challenge (which had ultimately landed him in this position all those years ago).

L shook his head as he stifled away his knowing smirk, knowing that doing anything more tonight would be pushing the limit.

"Sure."

* * *

L smiled as he watched Light do an explicit jerk with his hips on the dance-floor, his ever present glass of scotch faithfully set within his hand as the other balanced a smoking cigarette. Mikami plopped down next to him, his own fluorescent pink drink halfway gone already.

"You seem to be having a good time…" The law student absently commented as he laid his drink out on the table, dark brown eyes focusing on the same body that the investigator next to him was staring at. "Should I ask why you're sitting here getting your ass plastered instead of out there staking your claim? God knows more than one person out on the dance-floor tonight wants to get their hands on your little sugar-monkey and sex him up until he can't even see straight."

L smirked as he leisurely took a puff of his cigarette, letting the ash from the lit half fall onto the table once all that smoke was exhaled back out in a stream of smoke that did little to lighten up the atmosphere of the decadent club surrounding them. "It isn't necessary."

"Oh really?" Mikami looked every bit as skeptical as he was sure L wanted him to look. "And why do you say that? Aren't you the possessive one here?"

L's smiled fell off his face, a stony demeanor taking its place.

"Don't look at me like that. It's how you lost him the first time; it's not like its some big secret."

Instead of getting angry (as he would have done when both he and Light were still together and both of them very much unstable) L snuffed out his cigarette and cradled his ice-laden scotch within both of his hands. Mouth set in a thin line, the words emboldened his expression without the older man having to even raise his voice, "He knows who it is that will pick up the pieces when he's done having his fun. And even then, you can be sure that _fun_ will _never _expand to whatever it is you're thinking right _now_."

Mikami shifted within his seat, his fear carefully hidden within the solitude of his thoughts and rosy-hue of his drink. Glancing over at Light, who was now stumbling his way over to their table, the future lawyer wondered if his friend knew just how possessive his ex-boyfriend truly was.

Or how _frightening _he could be for that matter.

"What are you two doing? You look so _bored_." Light laughed as he tucked a stray strand of honey-brown hair behind his ear, cheeks prettily flushed under the array of colored lights.

"We're just having talking. What else would we be doing Light?" Placing the intoxicated brunet on his lap, L missed the incredulous look on Mikami's face and nuzzled the college student's neck reverently. "I missed you…"

Instead of commenting on the strange display in front of him Mikami took another gulp of his drink and ignored the glare being sent in his direction. If Light hadn't been as drunk as he was, he would have no doubt noticed the warring amnesty both men were reluctantly taking part of that night, all for his sake.

* * *

L almost slapped himself as the hand settled over the small of Light's back slowly began to go lower-

_Notice it, Light, and beat this man away from your personal space before I do it for you…_

And lower-

_I don't care who the hell he is, he is _not _supposed to be touching you there!_

_And lower._

_That's it, I'm done._

And that was as low as that hand _got_.

"L!" Light shouted as L grabbed his forearm and pulled the 21-year-old out of the other man's inappropriate embrace. "A little warning next time maybe?" `

"Excuse me! And who are you?"

"That would be my boyfriend, Matsuda." Light deadpanned, not daring to turn around and look L in the eye. "I would appreciate it if you didn't make such obscene gestures in his presence; he tends to get really possessive and violent after a couple of drinks."

"S-sorry…" Matsuda stuttered as L continued to glare at the man for all he was worth, scaring not only him but the whole general populace of the club. "I'll j-just… yeah…"

Smirking in victory as the young dark-haired miscreant ran away from the frightening pale man (who was not only associated with the law but could make any violent advance look like an _accident _of sorts), L let his own hand drift down from the small of Light's back and land on its most missed destination.

Instead of the usual tantrum, Light smiled at the man in return and gave him a brief kiss on the lips in thanks.

"So… _Boyfriend_?"

"Don't push it, L."

"Just checking!"

* * *

"L… you, uh, might want to ease up on that Jaegermeister…" Mail chuckled nervously as L continued to chug the drink right out of the bottle. "L, Jaeger does not lead to good things! I'm telling you right now, the worst stories always start off with 'Well, I was out drinking and I just had to have some Jaeger…' which always leads into 'then I dropped some Jaeger bombs' which ends with 'FUCKING JAEGER!'"

"Let the man drink himself into oblivion, Mail. He's been having it rough since his sex-toy's been fighting off his advances." Mihael whispered, not caring to notice the twisted frown being aimed in his direction. "Poor man has to get his jollies somehow."

"But Jaeger?"

"_Jaeger_." Mihael nodded solemnly.

Inwardly both men were looking forward to whatever havoc this binge drinking was going to wreak on their boss but they kept their manic grins to themselves and were content to watch the older man go crazy with the alcohol.

* * *

_**7/27/2009 – 1:48 AM**_

_L: Light…_

_Light: L? Is something the matter? o.o?_

_L: I'm really tired._

_Light: Then… go to sleep?_

_L: You know that isn't what I mean Light._

_Light: Are we really going to do this now? Via txt mess?_

_L: Is there any other way you will talk to me about this?_

_Light: Why can't you just accept my decision?_

_L: Why can't you accept mine? I want to be with you…_

_Light: You need to go to bed, L. Now. _

_L: I will if you come with me…_

_Light: Stop it. Stop. Just… go to sleep. I'll call you in the morning. _

_L: Promise?_

_Light: … Promise._

* * *

_**7/27/2009 - 3:30 AM **_

_L: Liiiiiight. I can't sleep. :-(_

_Light: L. I don't know what you want me to do. _

_L: Come herrre. _

_Light: L… go drink some warm milk or something. _

_L: OK. :-)_

_Light: … … … …_

* * *

_**7/27/2009 – 4:54**_

_L: LIGHT THE MILK DIDN'T WORRRRK!_

_L: SERIOUSLY. IT DIDN'T WOOOORK! T.T_

_L: Light… talk to me. Please. :-(_

_Light: Last time I'm going to say this ok? GET THE FUCK TO SLEEP L! STOP DICKING AROUND, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! NOW! I WILL CALL YOU IN THE FUCKING MORNING ONLY IF YOU STOP WITH THE DAMN TXTING OK?_

* * *

Light was proud to say that no more text messages were received that night.

* * *

L groaned as his head pounded viciously; his brain was obviously at war with his skull and refused to be quiet about it.

'Shit what the hell…?'

Wondering what could have woken him up from his unconscious haven that were his dreams, L flinched as a loud ring broke through his thoughts and smashed his eardrums.

"Phone… phone… where the hell did I put my phone?"

Patting his night-table (only to find nothing) L moved onto his pillow-

"Finally!"

And reveled in his success. His headache continued to blossom as the ringtone blared out incessantly, red-veined eyes taking in the name and smiling cheerfully.

"Light!" L croaked out happily, not realizing just how hoarse his voice actually was. "You're… calling…?"

"_And you're obviously hung-over._"

"I… may have had a bit much to drink last night, yes, but I do not see how that is any of your concern."

"_How about you check your text messages and then tell me it's not any of my concern you idiot._"

L blinked as the phone line cut off, the anger within Light's voice confusing him even more than the phone call. Though both men still kept communication with each other it was usually via text message since it required a lot less talking on both of their parts…

'_You were drunk last night… and your phone was under pillow instead of on the night-table… and Light called you, obviously annoyed about something… SHIT!_'

Scrolling through his messages, L bit back a flinch as his headache turned into a definite migraine. That certainly explained Light's mood…

"Fucking Jaeger!"

(_Later on he would forget to hold his tongue in front of Matt and Mello and suffer through an hour of immature jokes and choked laughter at his own expense, wondering just why he kept those two employed when all he ever wanted to do was choke the life out of them at the best of times._)

* * *

"Really?"

L shifted uncomfortably as his best friend/ex-lover stared down at the flowers that had been forcibly shoved into his hands and quirked an eyebrow.

"I'm a woman now?"

"It's an… apology… for the other night." The dark-haired man grumbled out, much to his own displeasure.

"You mean when you drunk-texted me over and over again crying about how you couldn't get to sleep and that you were lonely? Really?" Light was obviously finding this much more amusing than L was. "It's not as if I've never seen you drunk before L. I know what the hell you're like."

"I'm not that bad…"

"L, you're worse than a woman on her period with the mood swings you manage to roll in and out of. God help the person who pisses you off when you're drunk too because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be getting home in one piece."

"I do not get violent…" L flinched as Light gave him 'the look'. "Not that violent anyway."

"How can someone like you still be so in denial about your own drinking habits?" Putting the flowers down on the table next to him, the tired brunet sat down on the comfy couch, expecting the other to join him on his own accord. "You have a serious problem L."

"That's rich coming from you."

Light smirked as L finally sat down, a full blown pout settled over his lips. "But no less true."

"I do not have… habits."

Once again, 'the look' was employed. "L, you drink more than I do, and I'm pretty sure that's either really, really sad or some sort of sad accomplishment. Either way… it's just sad."

"Can we talk about something else?" L finally snapped, his eyes rid of their former roundness. Pale lips were thinned and whiter than usual; Light knew he had L backed into a corner just by that look alone. "Please?"

'_It's so easy to talk about my demons yet ignore all of yours isn't it?_'

"Fine." The bland tone did not fit Light's personality but did wonders for his companion's mood, L's face unscrewing from its pinched expression and adopting one akin to blank relief. "How has your day been?"

* * *

Hazel brown eyes unwaveringly kept themselves trained forward, the large block of cement in front of them unmoving and unforgiving. The flowers that L had brought for him were held within his hands, a bit wrinkled and dry after a few days of lack of care, but ready to be laid down on the grave he was visiting.

The patch of dirt underneath his feet was dry from the summer sun, crunching uncomfortably with each step he took. The name on the tombstone glistened, the ceramic-like finish to shining spectacularly as if it were brand new. As if the nicks and chipped veins surrounding the letters engraved were tiny imperfections due to the way the sunlight hit the smooth plane and the large tombstone was only put up yesterday.

"Hi." Light whispered, kneeling down despite his usual aversion to dirt. "I'm sorry I haven't visited lately dad. Just a lot of stuff going on… I'm really confused."

"I don't know what I want anymore. Not when it comes to… well, you know." Breathing in the smell of grass, dead flowers and polluted air, Light felt himself fall deeper into his own despair. "If I stay with him I feel horrible but I stay away from him I feel worse. How can one person make me feel so… _bad _about myself and yet so good at the same time?"

"Everything that ever happens between us is somehow always my fault, though that's all in his _humble _opinion. Do you know he had the nerve to deny having a drinking problem the other day? All he does _is _drink! But I shouldn't talk because I'm such a bad influence. Psh, bullshit." Giving up all pretences of holding up any sort of dignity he might have left, Light dropped onto the ground and glared at the tombstone in front of him. "I'm not the only one in the world with problems. I know I'm not perfect. But does everybody always have to shove it in my face all the time? L, Teru, Sayu and mom… They love to talk about how fucked up I am yet whenever I say something about them, I'm not allowed to because I'm so messed up I apparently don't know what I'm talking about."

"I keep my mouth shut the most. I bite my tongue and let everyone say what they have to say in order to keep the peace. Why? Because I've made the most mistakes? But if not for me, none of them would even be in the position to say so."

"If not for my mistakes mom would have killed herself working years ago and Sayu would have been forced to get a part-time job just to help pay for the bills along with me. If not for my mistakes Teru would have never gained the drive to want to finish college, let alone continue on into law school. If not for my mistakes… I would have never met L in the first place." Caressing a small petal about to fall off the aging flowers cradled against the tombstone, Light reluctantly smiled. "Sometimes I regret ever meeting the guy, but that feeling is fleeting at best. I don't know how but I've come to really care for him. I don't know what to do with him…"

A drop of water plopped on the younger Yagami's head, the clear blue skies becoming obscured by large darkening clouds. The sun, which was still, if reluctantly, shining down on the well-dressed recipient, was gradually being swallowed up by the darkness until nothing but small specks of light were left to shine and the rain became a faint drizzle.

"I wish you could tell me what to do." Light whispered softly as the sound of rain crashing down on stones washed over him like the shower of water was doing over his body. "It's so easy to manipulate somebody when you don't feel anything for them. God, why did I have to… for _him _of all people!"

Head brought down as the onslaught of rain continued to hit him at full force, Light sighed as he finally took in the state of the now-muddy flowers drowning within their mud-encased grave.

"I hate feeling like this… but most of all I hate _him_ for _making_ me feel like this to begin with."

* * *

"… … Hi." Light shivered as he stared into L's eyes, visible golden skin frighteningly pale and smudged with mud. His clothes and hair were weighted with water and equally dirty, piled on top of the young man's lithe body as if to emphasize just how thin the 21-year-old student truly was. "I-"

L gaped as the young man he had been 'courting' took one step forward only to stumble into his arms and practically black out for a couple of seconds. Blinking the water out of his eyes, Light turned his messy face upward and grimaced.

"I didn't know where else to _go_."

Pulling his best friend inside his apartment, L glared at the random people littering the hallways still staring at (or ogling for that matter) Light's body disappearing through his door. "We have to get you cleaned up and out of these clothes."

"Hmph. Anything to get me naked…" Light rasped out as the older man pulled at his shirt's buttons.

"Yes, but I also don't want you to catch hypothermia either." Gradually making his way down to the brunet's pants, L leered up at the potentially ill 21-year-old. "Though if you did, I do have plenty of body heat to offer Light if he so needs it…"

"Pervert." Was Light's last response, falling over in a heap of tangled limbs and harsh breaths.

"As if I would ever throw you out into the streets when you needed me the most." L whispered into the unconscious man's ear.

Arms wrapped tightly around Light's waist, the bemused gray-eyed detective nuzzled the smooth skin of the neck presented to him and made his way into the bathroom.

* * *

"Oh… it's _you_."

Misa stared at the mountain of books set in front of her with unbridled contempt, green eyes narrowed with jealousy.

"Where's Light?"

"_Obviously with me._"

"Ha-_ha_. You're so brilliant. Seriously, where's Light! He's missed two days of work with no calls and our boss is ready to blow a gasket!"

"_Then your boss is an idiot for waiting those two days instead of trying to contact him himself._"

"Just tell me if he's alright you ass!"

"_He will be fine. He is with me and that is all you need to know. Have you spoken to his mother?_"

"I did! She didn't really say much… only to call his cell-phone! And look how well that turned out! What are you doing with him you pervert! I swear if you touch a hair on his head I will find you and rip you limb from limb, leaving your manhood for _last_!"

"… … … _Ouch. That sounds as if it would hurt._"

"Yeah! Ouch!" Misa huffed out, eyes flashing red with anger. "Now about Light-"

"_He will be returning back to work when he is able. I will provide the doctor's note for his boss once I have my own personal doctor inspect him. As for his virtue, you needn't worry. He lost that _years _ago_."

Misa squawked in anger but was cut off from the rant waiting to be unleashed on the man on the other line as a tiny click was heard and the line dropped completely. Gaping down at the phone in her hands, Misa gave a small countdown to Zen herself out and punched in both her and Light's boss' number instead.

'_Serenity now… Serenity now… Serenity now…_'

"Hi Mr. Namikawa! Um… I'm afraid that I've got some bad news concerning Light…"

* * *

"You keep getting yourself sick and you'll never make it to work." L blandly stated as he handed the bed-ridden brunet a cup of tea, dark eyes assessing. "The doctor said not to strain yourself yet this is the third time this week I've caught you out of bed, cleaning of all things."

"You know I don't like mess." Light muttered, the bridge of his nose and cheeks still flushed a light pink. "And that's all you do; make a mess!"

"Isn't this _my _apartment?"

"That _I'm _staying in, thanks." Sipping a bit of tea, Light sighed as the liquid warmth crawled through his sore throat. "It's no trouble for me to clean. I used to do it all the time remember?"

"Yeah…"

"You changed a lot of stuff around."

"What, is Light just now noticing all the moves I've done?" L teasingly asked as he handed the boy a napkin.

"For the most part? Yeah." Came the quiet admittance. "I used to always bug you about moving some of this stuff around. What made you want to make the change?"

L only smiled as he took the now-empty teacup from his friend's hands and pushed back down onto the bed.

Some questions weren't worth answering-

Especially when the answers were already so obvious.

* * *

"Here."

Light yawned as his head popped up from within the sheets, L's pale hand trembling as it kept the object within its grip steadfast within its fingers. "You looked like you needed a diversion."

"You do realize that I've been able to go home for the last two days."

"Yes." L let the book drop onto Light's lap, stripping himself of his jacket and adding it to the growing pile muddled on the floor.

"And it hasn't crossed your mind to ask why I haven't left yet?"

L shook his head, hands on his pant's zipper. "No."

"Do you… want me to leave?"

Shucking off his pants, L didn't even deign to answer the question.

Sitting up within the mountain of sheets and pillows surrounding him, the bed-ridden brunet shifted so that his companion would have room to lie down, mocha-brown eyes closing even as his fingers clenched around the bound book placed within the tanned hands.

"I'm hungry." Light suddenly stated, causing the near-comatose man next to him to snort out of amusement. Slapping the man on the back (_just like he used to_) Light promptly got up to make himself something to eat. Ignoring the tell-tale glare setting his back on fire, the scarred student made sure to make two sandwiches instead of just one.

* * *

That stupid _pen_.

"What's the matter Light?" L rubbed his gray eye hidden behind the reading glasses he had been cajoled into getting by the demon in disguise (also known as Light).

Why had he given him that stupid _pen_?

"Light…?"

Light shrugged as he kept his eyes trained on the writing utensil within L's hands, the flurry of motion enough to keep the slightly unhinged student hypnotized.

His father had used to love that pen.

'_What would you say…?_'

"I think it's time I went back home." Light unsteadily whispered, eyes smudged with uncertainty.

Instead of rebutting the statement L quietly nodded his head, the overwhelming dejection still alive if only within his eyes.

* * *

"Let's go out tonight, just you and me." Light whispered into the other man's ear as he slithered up upon his detective's lap, brown eyes hazy and despondent. "Please?"

"Why don't we just stay home instead? Watch a movie, eat some popcorn, make-out like hormonal teenagers…"

"I need to get out." The hoarse murmur was strained and uncomfortable, whereas before it had been full of heat and passion. "_Please_."

Fingers tangled within burnt sepia strands of hair as dark charcoal gray met amber brown, L knew he didn't have the heart to say no.

"If I say yes, will you stay with me the whole night?" It was a plead that L did not want to admit to; another question buried beneath the mountain of lies that had once again managed to topple over the other whilst still managing to be truthful, or at least as truthful as one man could be to another who had seen both the best and the worst they had to offer.

The light within his companion's eyes burnt brightly against the dim setting of L's living room, trying to convey in emotion what words would never be able to honestly portray.

Not when everything that managed to come out always seemed to be a lie.

Pressing his lips onto the golden patch of skin set right between Light's eyes, L nodded solemnly.

"Let's go then."

* * *

"How long did you think you could avoid me, huh? HOW LONG YOU LITTLE PRICK?"

The young man barely even blinked, licking his bloody lower lip savagely as the brutish beast holding the 21-year-old by the collar of his shirt growled rather viciously. "And who the fuck is this, Light? Another bitch you've already fucked? Or did he fuck _you_?"

"Well, it wasn't you doing the fucking now was it?" Light sadistically chuckled, wondering how he had (_once again_) managed to land himself into his current predicament.

Before he could say anything else, a sharp pain contorted itself onto his side (_that same fucking side, that same fucking scar, that same fucking pain_) and _twisted _until he felt as if he couldn't _breathe_-

"_SHIT!_"

Hands grabbed his neck propelling the smaller body forward before careening the damaged man into the wall, head bashing against pure brick and cement. For a second, everything was blessedly black, all the pain was gone and Light felt himself slipping away, and away, and away…

"LIGHT!"

Reluctantly, Light opened his eyes and just _breathed_; the pain was once again sharp and unforgiving, the random streams of light and darkness blurring his sight until it was a big smudge filled with _nothing_ and _everything _all at once and here he was, still alive and still very much confused.

"I think… I'm hurt."

L laughed hysterically for a moment, wondering how Light could find the humor in his situation; how one night out, a night supposedly for the both of them, could turn out so _horrid _and…

So very like them.

"I think you're right." The detective took the boy in with an assessing eye, one hand dialing 911 while the other kept the dangling limbs steady and Light awake. "You… you're bleeding a lot."

"That tends to happen when you've been stabbed." Light once again joked, eyelids fluttering. "I think… I'm going into… shock…"

"All right, but you have to answer me some questions before you black out on me, Light. Who was he? Why did he hurt you?" L asked the young man. "You have to tell me everything, Light. I… I don't want you to get hurt."

"Aren't you supposed to be a detective? Investi-" Light coughed, a tiny splatter of blood landing onto his arm as his head flopped to the side. "Shit.

"This opening up thing is hard isn't it?" L commented after a small bit of talking into his cell-phone, putting pressure on the main injury against Light's side.

"Like a _bitch_."

And after all that, Light saw only black.

* * *

The white lights.

He was so used to these motherfucking white lights.

"Hello son." A kindly voice. A lot of times, they usually were. "We just need to have a look at your back, alright?"

No. No it wasn't.

"W…why?"

"Well, we just need to make sure everything's alright. You've been comatose for awhile now…"

Light felt himself drift off as the doctor continued to speak, his body screaming for more sleep.

* * *

"How long have I been here?"

"Two weeks."

"I don't remember two weeks."

"Well… you were unconscious a lot of the time."

"I don't feel tired anymore."

"Do you feel any pain?"

"No."

_She gave him a skeptical look, as if he had never handled pain before. She had seen his scars; they knew he could handle it and were scared by it._

"You sure about that?"

"When can I leave?"

The nurse gave the boy sitting on the bed a cursory glance.

"When can I leave?" Light asked once more, voice a tad bit more forceful.

Before the young woman could respond, a lanky shadow appeared over her shoulder.

"Right now."

Heaving out a sigh of relief, Light ignored the brash squawk of disagreement the older woman admonished and carefully pulled the railings of the hospital bed down only to find a pair of strong hands hefting him up as cautiously as they could as setting him to his feet.

"I have your clothes." L stated simply, book-bag hooked over his shoulder.

Both men gave the blushing nurse matching pairs of incredulous looks, not even commenting as she sputtered her way out of the room and towards the nursing station where she would no doubt spread the biggest piece of gossip that week.

"You ready?"

"…"

"Stupid question."

* * *

_Eyes filled with disappointment-_

_Body drenched in blood-_

_Fingers stretched out-_

_Help?_

_Cries-_

_My cries? _

_Fingers painted red-_

_Eyes closing with pain-_

_What's happening to me?_

* * *

"SHIT!"

Light screamed as his hands immediately went to his eyes, trying to wipe away the blood and the pain and tears and the sweat-

"Light!"

He was bleeding, he knew he was bleeding, because there was liquid there but he couldn't open his eyes because if he did he'd see it and it would be _real_-

"Light, let go!"

But that voice, it sounded like comfort and understanding and these visions were killing him, _killing him, __**killing him **_just like his fa-

"WAKE UP!"

The hands stopped grasping.

The blood stopped flowing.

The pain was… not there?

"Wake up…" L whispered into his ear as Light's hands were pulled away from his face and placed away from him. Gently bringing the scattered man onto his lap, L pressed a kiss to his cheek and then another on each eye. "Wake up…"

Eyes finally opened, filled only with tears. "Dream…"

"More like night-terror." Wiping away the remaining strings of tears, L reached for a handkerchief to do away with the small amount of sweat coursing down the younger man's face and neck. "You need to get to sleep."

"No." Pressing himself against the side of L's face, Light sloppily kissed the closest piece of skin available to him. "No more sleep."

"I'm right here, you'll be ok…"

"Don't-don't-don't…" Light begged as he pressed another frantic kiss on his former (_really?_) boyfriend's lips, voice cracking under… the… pressure… "I'm so fucking tired of this shit. Can't you make me forget it? Please? Just for a little while…"

For a moment, the younger man thought that his partner would acquiesce to his request, but he was soon disappointed.

Instead of ravaging him, Light was given a small peck on his temple. Instead of smothering him, Light was softly laid back onto his side of the bed. Instead of tearing away his clothes, Light's night shirt was gently lifted as still fresh wounds were carefully inspected. Instead of _hurting him_, Light was pulled into the other man's embrace cradled closely against L's chest, heartbeat thrumming delicately into his ear and lulled into a comfort he had forgotten existed.

As he let the strings of sleep serenade him back into its own embrace Light's last thought was obscured by the shroud of pleasant obscurity, knowing he could have died at that moment and not have regretted anything.

* * *

"It's better."

The confirmation was made underhandedly, as if Light couldn't tell even though it was his body.

A hand (_which had never been so gentle with him before until now_) tilted the golden-skinned face to the side, admiring the lack of bruising and swelling.

"What?" Light asked, feeling ridiculously self-conscious. "There's no reason to stare so hard, I'm still me after all that mess."

L continued to stare down at Light's face, the scrutiny made even more unbearable by the eyes shaded with a happiness that Light felt didn't belong there.

"We're so close." L whispered.

"To what?" Light whispered back, his body relaxed to the point of sleep even if his mind was still whirling with activity.

Tucking in a lone strand of ash-brown hair behind Light's right ear, L gave in to his signature quirky grin.

"To where we're supposed to be."

"And where's that?" Little by little his body was picking up the signs; his frustration was finally gaining the outlet it needed and L was doing nothing but unintentionally stoking the fire.

"If I have to explain then maybe your head is worse off than we first thought."

"This is close to you?" Light gestured brokenly. "You are seriously fucked up."

Picking himself up from off the couch, Light limped his way into an upright position. "I told you, this can't work. Whatever it is that you feel for me, it can't happen. Look at me! I don't have anything to offer you and you have already proven that you can't handle me! Maybe even being friends is too much…"

"You really are the stupidest smart person I have met in my life." L rumbled. Standing up himself, the slouch was no longer present and Light found himself eye to eye with the man who had, in essence, saved his life multiple times (_though if you thought about it, Light had done the same, if unconsciously_). "What have we been doing these past couple of months? Do you do those things with your other friends? No. You've only been with me, you've only kept yourself with me; what we do is not what other friends would consider _normal_. Get your head out of your ass and just _admit it_!"

Light took a step back but his expression did not change. If anything, it became a blank slate reminiscent to L's own disinterested expression which now seemed to be lost in the righteous anger swallowing the detective whole. "I need to go home."

"You _are _home." Grabbing the arm swinging past, L's adamant reply was ignored as Light then concentrated on pulling away, running away-

Something, funnily enough, both he and L were good at.

"We are not doing this right now."

"What, so long as we don't talk about it it's just fine? What do you think we've been doing this whole time, Light? Playing house? Stop being so damn stubborn and just admit it; this. Is. _Home_."

"Even if it was, I wouldn't admit it to you!" Light's jaw clinked shut as he subconsciously punched himself in the face, the statement flying out of his mouth before he could even stop it from doing the damage it would onto Light's pride. The victorious gleam in L's eyes belied what Light had unintentionally admitted, the stupid headache the younger man seemed to always be inflicted with hitting him at _just _the right time.

"Take me to my mother's house," Light bit out, knowing that if he said the word 'home' again L would never let him out of his sight, "or I'll leave while you're not looking, and we both know that I _would _and _could_."

A part of L wanted to keep fighting, to make the boy _really _eat his words and recognize just what had been _true _all along, but instead he took the tiny victory for what it was and nodded. When Light was like this there was no telling what he would do to get what he wanted, harming himself being the most logical thing to do (_within Light's own head_) and harming L being the last, if not far-fetched, resort.

"You know you'll be back." L snidely said in its place.

Light said nothing to disagree.

* * *

"Light?" Sayu's lilting voice echoed prettily off the walls of his self-imposed prison, the pictures ripped down and the random sporadic items which had littered the 21-year-old's living space thrown on the floor in a fit of confusion and rage. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." Was the mechanical reply. A full week of filled with silence and 'I'm fine's', a week filled with tired instigations and nightly muffled screams…

Her brother was not _fine_.

Sayu turned, Sachiko's features twisted in a mixture of rabid anger and motherly concern. "Mommy, he's hurt."

"It'll be ok." The exhaustion was palpable within the older woman's face but the resolution angled in those sharp brown eyes offset whatever fear Sayu could have for her brother's health. "No matter what happens, we'll make sure Light gets better. Right?"

"Right!"

"Now I need you to go do something for me dear…"

* * *

"You're not all right." Sachiko whispered as she dragged her son onto the couch and raggedly dropped him against the cushions. "You need help Light."

"I do not."

"Stop it. I have sat by and watched you destroy yourself for the last time, especially for this family. There has to be line; I'm drawing it here."

"I said I'm fine." Light gritted out, pulling the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands.

Sachiko stared at his covered arms, already knowing what laid there to see.

"You're going to be staying with L from now on. It's either that or a mental institution Light."

Biting lips peeling for blood stopped as shaky eyes widened with heart-stopping fear.

"Why?" The 21-year-old man asked brokenly.

"Because you can't keep breaking like this." Sachiko quietly admitted. "And neither can I."

* * *

_Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the things he had done; things he thought he had had to do to keep his family safe and satisfied. _

_When he opened them, however, all he saw was brown eyes so full of shame. _

"_I'm sorry…" _

_Salt-and-pepper colored hair shook as droplet of rain splattered against cold white skin, the man shaking his head appearing more saddened by the second. _

"_I'm sorry…" Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the things he had done; things he thought he had had to do to keep his family safe and satisfied. _

_When he opened them, however, all he saw were brown eyes so full of shame. _

"_I'm sorry…" _

_Clear rain ran down the older man's suit, slowly turning a crimson red as holes began to appear all over the bespectacled gentleman's body, forming a muddy bloody puddle alongside the man's feet. _

_Almost like a reflection, his own body began to palpitate with pain, his back, his side, his legs, his arms all soaked red, the liquid beneath their feet turning into a river of blood, tears and disgrace. _

_I'm so sorry…_

_Cold skeletal fingers traced his sunken cheek. _

_He couldn't stand the sight. _

"_Not as much as I am." _

* * *

The hoarse voice echoed withinLight's ears even when awoke, the beige ceiling above him familiar and damning all at the same time. A warm body breathed beside him, still sleeping and unaware.

One hand pitched over the thinner man's chest as L snuggled up beside him, palm up and scars and cuts out.

No matter what he did, he knew he would never be free.


	7. Telephone

A/N: Alright, here's where we find out who's a true reader (of mine I mean) and who's just in it to win it lol. There's a _lot _to cover in this part of the story and you're going to get a lot of information that'll you'll find explains a lot of Light and L's previous behaviors; these last chapters are going to delve into the _why's _instead of just the _how's _and _what's _so if you stick with me at this point, I hope that you'll at least be satisfied with how this relationship pans out and get a basic understanding to what_ I _personally think true love is. This wasn't the original song I was going to use but as I started writing I realized that it fits the mood of the chapter _perfectly_. At the end of the story I might do a small synopsis/general talk about the story and scrawl in the playlist used so that you guys can get a better feel for it; I honestly feel as if this series might be my best work as a writer period. Yay.

You are going to find some OOC-ness but only because there are other factors to consider and we can't all know just how the original characters would react in these types of situations. Stick with me kiddies, I'm trying not to disappoint. ;)

Another thing, yes I take awhile to update on ALL of my stories. We all have lives here that revolve around things other than writing and to those who know me when it comes to the real-life sitches, you know I usually have a lot on my plate to balance out and these chapters ARE DIFFICULT TO WRITE. However I try my best to get them out to you when I can (whether it be FoF or BR or OLG, they all are draining and I do my best to keep up with every single one). Please keep an open mind to this. Thank you :-)

_**Warnings: Yaoi/Guy-on-Guy action (if you've made it this far and are only now getting the memo, I don't know what to say to you really). Emo-Former-Gangsta-Suicidal-and-Very-Masochistic!Light and Volatile-Frustrated-and-Kind-of-a-Douche-Detective!L. Wow, that pretty much contains most of the warnings I need to put down. But if you don't get that last part… Angst with a whole lot of allusions to attempted suicide and self-harm along with references to substance abuse of the alcoholic and drug variety. Add to this a whole lot of violence, blood, semi-explicit spousal abuse, hallucinations of the psychologically-imbalanced and heavily medicated type along with a heavy dose of rape/molestation and you've got… this. Jeez, these warning lists are getting longer and longer the closer we get to the end of this series. -.-; In fact, do I even *need* to do these anymore? I think I just spoiled the whole story lol. **_

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note, "Telephone" by Lady Gaga or the wonderful club song "If We Ever Meet Again" (I'm personally attached to the CPR remix by Chani (ft. Nicki Bliss) but I guess Timbaland's version with Katy Perry is o-k...). If you haven't guessed it by now, I don't own "The Fame Monster" record at all… except for the personal copy purchased on my beloved iTunes. But this story, all mine. You can officially call it my personal baby (and my best work I think!).

* * *

"_Just a second,_

_It's my favorite song they're gonna play _

_And I cannot text you with_

_A drink in my hand, eh._

_You shoulda made some plans with me; _

_You knew that I was free._

_And now you won't stop calling me; _

_I'm kinda busy._

_Stop callin', stop callin', _

_I don't wanna think anymore! _

_I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!_

_Stop callin', stop callin', _

_I don't wanna talk anymore! _

_I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!_

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-_

_Stop telephonin' me! _

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-_

_I'm busy! _

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-_

_Stop telephonin' me! _

_Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh-_

_Can call all you want _

_But there's no one home _

_And you're not gonna reach my telephone! _

_Out in the club _

_And I'm sippin' that bub, _

_And you're not gonna reach my telephone! _

_Call when you want _

_But there's no one home _

_And you're not gonna reach my telephone! _

_Out in the club _

_And I'm sippin' that bub, _

_And you're not gonna reach my telephone!_"

-"Telephone" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: _**Telephone**_

* * *

Golden hands gripped clothed wrists as the brunet they were attached to stared out into the stream-colored dance-floor. Perched in the back of the rowdy club, the one place where he felt both the safest and most terrified, Light could feel the music thrumming angrily through his body, vibrations coarse and hysterical along with the cries of the dancers and bouncers they accompanied.

Alone in a sea of strangers, Light felt the stirrings of life pump through his veins once more.

In his pocket, however, the proof of his limited existence began to ring loudly, ignored completely by the captivated young man.

Men and women alike had approached him but he had yet to take the plunge and encircle himself with the vices that the nightlife afforded.

All Light wanted, at least just for this moment, was a distraction.

A revelation.

Perhaps even a promise.

The phone in his pocket halted, the music slowly fading off only to ring again not even five minutes later.

* * *

Neither man said a word in the morning, both too exhausted to really have a proper confrontation and all it would inevitably entail. Light bedraggled but still awake and L tense from the uncountable sleepless nights endured since the return of Light's nightly escapades hung back and, with shoulders slumped and hair limp, conceded personal defeats.

The coffee did not look either good or satisfying but it was set between them nonetheless, the crystal pot filled to the brim with coal black steaming liquid waiting to burn a hole in both men's stomachs and the stainless porcelain cups set and ready to be filled.

"I have to go to work." L commented uselessly, as if the concept was foreign to the younger lad across from him. Light shrugged, not sure what it was his older counterpart was waiting for him to say. "I trust you'll be in one piece when I get home."

"Probably." The word went flying out of Light's mouth without his consent, his sleep-deprived mind going on autopilot without its usual snarky tone. Shaky hands fiddled with the dark sleeves covering the bandaged wrists and forearms, displaying discomfort in every harsh tug and touch. "I never know until you know."

L's narrowed gaze did not soften in the least as he pushed the coffee pot towards the now confused 21-year-old, his worriment not easing in the slightest. "Either drink this or go back to bed."

"I need to go to work."

"I already spoke to your boss," L cut in "he knows you will be out of commission until I deem you ready for such menial labor. Rest your body, Light, and the mind will follow soon after."

"No it won't." Light mumbled, but for once L did not hear as he pushed his chair out and stumbled out of his chair. Luckily for the detective it was used to sleepless nights, perhaps even more so than the night-owl that was Light who thrived on the thrills the night-life had to offer.

Tilting the college student's head up and placing a small kiss on the boy's unresponsive lips, the dark-haired investigator pulled back with a now-rare smile. "I will call Light when I get to the office and then I shall check on him at lunch time. You know my work number and my cell phone shall be on as well. Please, do not hesitate to use it."

The absent nod and well-timed smile did not appease the voyaging 29-year-old, gray eyes scrutinizing and calculating.

Light's hands moved only when the door slammed behind L's retreating figure, movements too precise for comfort.

The splash of hot coffee against unprotected skin was soothing if messy.

* * *

"Oh my God you've turned into his mother." Mello gaped as Matt snickered behind him.

L didn't even deign to look at him, eyes concentrated on the number-marked buttons underneath his fingers, the ringing against his ear earth-shatteringly loud.

"What do you think they talk about?"

"Besides the obvious, you mean?"

"Oooh… phone-se-"

The glare their superior sent in both of their directions shut both men up before the last word could be uttered, red-rimmed dark eyes cold and vicious.

"We'll just… be going now…"

"Off on that… dusty road…"

"Right…"

L's face didn't even twitch as his insubordinates raced out of his office, the phone still ringing loudly in his ear and his patience wearing all the thinner.

* * *

L blinked as he slammed the apartment door behind him, two pairs of similar brown eyes staring at his entrance instead of the regular one.

"Hi L!" Sayu gushed as she waved from behind the mountain of books stacked in front of her. "Wow, you look super tired… do you want us to make you some tea?"

"It's alright," L stared at Light suspiciously, whom was seat right next to Sayu and trying to catch her attention, wearing a completely different shirt than this morning. "I'll just make some coffee."

"Coffee pot's broken." Light rasped out, snapping his fingers so that his sister would once again pay attention to what he was trying to teach her. "Need to get a new one."

"Is that so? It was perfectly fine this morning."

"Well it's not fine now." Snapping his fingers once more, Light growled as Sayu meeped cutely, digging her head back into the book held within her hands. "So get a new one."

L's eyes, which were now stuck on the crimson red sleeves of Light's arms, flickered with resentment, the coat caught within the older man's perilous grip straining tightly against liquid-white fingers.

* * *

"What did you do with it?"

"With what?"

"The coffee pot! What did you do with the coffee pot?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I was drinking coffee this morning and it slipped from my hands!" Gripping his forearms, which were now the center of the older man's attention, Light backed away from the predatory gleam twinkling within L's obsidian depths. "I didn't do anything with the coffee pot, I swear."

"Then let me see your arms." L challenged, matching Light step for step.

"You don't need to see fucking shit."

"_Yes_, the _fuck_ I do." The usual deadened stare that L adopted when he was completely frustrated was traded in for a much more infuriated one, the swears popping out of the normally eloquent mouth putting the brunet even more on edge than he already was. "You are _my _responsibility as well as _my_ lover; in this case, I have _every _right to see your fucking arm! Now let me see them!"

Fumbling with the knob behind him, Light gasped as he stumbled into the bathroom, feet sliding against the slippery tiles but body still upright.

"Don't. Touch. Me." Light stuttered out as L backed him against the shower, his shirt still on, if barely if he was going to go by the look on L's face. "I am not your fucking toy!"

"Damn it, Light, I just want to see-"

"NO! You don't need to fucking see anything! Get the hell away from me and let me shower in peace!" Trembling hands barely kept the 21-year-old man steady as deep breaths were heaved and mocha-brown eyes began to water, the abrupt change in tone causing L to shift awkwardly on his feet. "I'm fine, I promise, just please don't… don't look."

Backing away slowly, L nodded, not quite sure how to take this newest breakdown. L felt his resolve waver as he closed the door behind him, gray eyes shining pale silver.

'_What the fuck was that?_'

* * *

The hot water had long since vanished, leaving nothing but spurts of cold water falling over a curled up, shivering frame and flickering eyelids. Pale lips flinched as teeth bit into them until they bled, sparks of crimson dripping downwards until every bit of freezing white flesh was covered in the disgusting color. Light, who was crouched over and leaning heavily against the shower wall, gripped his side as the stitched-up wound flared with pain, the slick substance pouring over his hip and bottom no longer clear and untainted but tinged with a reddish-brown color.

Minutes poured over into an insufferably long hour but Light stayed where he was, the occasional flash of darkness coveting his eyes speeding up time without his realizing it. The door to the bathroom slowly opened after an hour and a half had passed and still no sign of Light materialized in front of the detective caring for the stubborn student, the sound of the shower still trickling, though not as heavily as it had been the last time he had passed the bathroom.

"Light…?"

Harsh breathing and soft sobbing was Light's only reply as L ripped the shower curtain open and practically tore down the glass shower doors, large gray eyes widening even further at the crumpled mess that met his sight. Picking the boy up after turning the water off completely, L drowned out the moment of panic that settled within his throat and concentrated only on the bloody, cold mess that was Light, refusing to let the younger man out of the bathroom until he was at least dry and clean of the coat of blood clinging to his uneven plane of skin.

Laying the prone body out on _their _bed, L hands began to shake with a familiar anxiousness, the emotions too much _too fast_-

'_I can't keep doing this…_' Gray eyes fluttered closed, skeletal fingers gripping onto now dirty sheets,'_I can't keep watching you kill yourself Light._'

* * *

"Here."

Light said nothing as he pushed the hand away, vacantly staring up at the beige ceiling with crusted eyes begging for sleep.

"You're bleeding, Light; you opened your stitches while you were… taking a shower. You _need you medication_."

The hand was insistent, practically smashing itself against the confused (and not entirely awake) brunet's cheek, smoldering amber-colored eyes clearly unfocused as they attempted to track the lean limb pressed against heated skin. A dull ache slashed across his side, pounding steadily along with the migraine developing just behind his temples.

"Take it…"

Masculine voice wavering (_he recognized the voice but just couldn't place the name…_), Light flinched as a pair of twin capsules were heaved into his mouth and he was forced to gulp them down after a wash of cool liquid accompanied the medicinal drop off.

"And sleep…"

* * *

_Clumps of hair and skin littered the pavement as bare feet continued their trek, bare skin covered with scabs and bruises. _

_Little by little pieces of himself hit the ground; globs of flesh slid from his body like butter, coming off with no effort whatsoever. _

_Hands slick with blood, Light felt his face, the bones protruding without skin or muscle to protect it. _

"_Isn't this what you wanted?" _

* * *

"What aren't you telling me?"

"…"

"You expect me to help him, right? I have to know what I'm dealing with here! I've never seen him like this before, and I have… I have seen him at his worst."

"_No you haven't. You've seen him when he's been willing to 'talk about it' or when he's been willing to be quiet. He's always been like this, L. You were just willing to overlook it so long as it didn't bother you or your messed up relationship_."

"…"

"_Has he been eating at least?_"

"Yes. I think."

"_Yes or 'you think'?_"

"He eats when I'm here. I think he does so when I'm not either but… he just looks so skinny."

"_That means no then._"

"How do I get him to stop all this? If he doesn't drive himself crazy soon then I'm pretty sure I'll be the one to go off the wall first!"

"_If I knew the answer to that do you really think that I would have sent him to you?_"

"I… suppose not."

"_Look, all I can ask of you is to be yourself but… if you feel it's really as bad as you say then maybe I was wrong. Maybe… maybe Light needs more help than we can give him._"

"Give me a chance before you decide something like that. I don't think this is unfixable, at least not yet." L blinked as the shower flickered off. "I have to go."

"_Please call me when you need to L. Light is my only son… I don't know what I would do if something happened to him._"

* * *

"_I'm sorry…" _

"_Empty words." Mahogany brown eyes narrowed, dark hair clinging to sooty lashes as the rain over head became a downpour. "You killed me Light." _

_The ground reeked of putrid flesh, already rotting after mere seconds of falling off Light's own body. The pain wracking his body was unbearable but familiar, the younger of the two men barely even flinching as the older shook with aching gasps. _

"_I didn't pull the trigger." _

"_But you killed my memory." Fingers stretched out, hands covered in mud and blood. "How could you do this to me Light? How could you…" _

"_I had to…" _

_Arms aching, side burning-_

"_You left us with nothing…" _

_Eyes closing-_

"_And I hate you more than you could ever know for it." _

_Shots blaring louder than even Light could remember._

* * *

"Light…"

Sayu frowned as her brother didn't even blink, his pain medication obviously hitting him at _just _the right time.

"Light… are you ok?"

"He's just tired." L interrupted, taking Sayu by the hand and propelling her towards the door.

"But-"

Light's head flopped to the side, eyes glazed and out of focus.

"He'll be fine." Dark gray eyes narrowed as Light's fingers twitched against his thighs, barely-there blinks drowsy and unpredictable. "He just needs a nap. Why don't you come by tomorrow Sayu?"

Gripping her book-bag with both hands, Sayu covered up a sniffle with a nod and ran out of the apartment before L could even offer her a ride.

Light didn't even notice, stuck entirely in his own personal drug-induced purgatory.

* * *

"It… looks…"

"Damn disgusting." Light winced as he glanced down at the object of L's morbid fascination, peaks of the older scar flittering about the large scabbing hole still decorating his side. Though it was healing nicely it still looked gross, split skin running tracks through unevenly healed ridges curdling in the oddest of places. "This mustlook sexy to you huh?"

"Undoubtedly." L deadpanned; the smirk on his face playful. "Cleaning your wounds _always _turns me on."

"What can I say," long dark eyelashes fluttered flirtingly, "I make getting hurt look _dead sexy_."

L's laughter was refreshing where as Light's own light-hearted teasing was more than accepted. It seemed as if it were ages since the last time both men had been able to joke about things that usually inspired melancholic despair between the both of them. As a basis of their relationship, the _real _humor up until that moment had been discarded, pushed away until a heavier banter took its place and eroded the easiness conversation had to offer.

With L trying too hard and Light not trying hard enough, it was as if they had been transported back to where their relationship had begun and neither was entirely comfortable with the thoughts and feelings such revelations inspired.

"Is it supposed to be curling up this way…?" L muttered as he stroked one of the bumpier stitches, the uneven flesh doing little to flatten the mound of skin sewn together.

"I don't know… but it looks kind of gross doesn't it?"

"I could make it look grosser…"

Light's eyes squinted as he poked L on the arm, "are you hitting on me?"

"You're not seriously asking me that are you?" L chuckled as he spread the rest of the antiseptic cream over the lump of stitches and fumbled for the bandage by his thigh, the cold skin still flinching at his touch. "Is there ever a time I _don't _hit on you Light?"

"Even if I was knee deep in gore and fecal matter?" Though Light's tone was playful the gleam within his eyes was not. "Would you still hit on me then?"

"Without a second thought." L stated in return, sliding the large piece of gauze in place as his hands blindly searched for the medical tape. "Even when you're at your worst, you will always be beautiful and worth the effort to me."

Light's smile, which was the purest smile he had managed to capture in _years_, shone with such clarity that even L himself was stunned by the sheer beauty of it.

"Thank you."

And both men knew that no truer gratitude had ever escaped the brunet's lips before that moment.

* * *

'Too much… too much…'

Light stared at the vase in front of him, the swirl of colors mesmerizing him whilst giving him a headache as well.

"_What are you doing?_"

"What?" Light yelped. Side burning as the troubled brunet twisted horribly to see where the noise had come from, Light saw nothing.

At first.

"_You should be studying! What the hell do you think you're doing slacking off while I'm out busting my ass for you and your mother?_"

"I'm sorry…"

"_That's your go-to phrase isn't? 'I'm sorry!' Well, you're not fucking sorry! Not fucking sorry enough…_"

"I swear…" Light grabbed his head, eyes watering as his thoughts floated away from him in a passing tide, nothing but empty sand running through his fingers. The wounds on his arms throbbed painfully, his side suspiciously numb of all sensation. "I swear… I'm sorry… I-I'll go do it right now! I promise!"

"_It's too late for that now…_"

"It… is…?"

"_Look at you… you're so __pathetic__. Putting your problems on some man that doesn't even know better… I thought I taught you better Light!_"

"He loves me." Light whispered to himself, body compacting inside itself as his arms and wrists screamed in pain. "I'll go study… now… he loves me…"

"_Playing life as if it's forever a game… don't you know you don't get any second chances Light? You don't… its better… to just…_"

"Just what?" Almost like a dog, Light's ears perked up and his whole body unraveled where it sat, long limbs stretched out and ready for whatever activity their owner had in store. "What? What should I do? What should I do…?"

"_Go into the kitchen Light. Get the lighter fluid and throw it around the ground…_"

"W… what…?"

"_Grab the spare lighter that L keeps in the cabinet…_"

"No…"

"_And do what needs to be __done__._"

"Lighter… done… lighter done…" Light muttered underneath his breath, stumbling to his feet in a feat that shouldn't have been possible in the state he was in. Fingers traced the random objects that were used to keep the body from stumbling onto the ground and becoming useless once more. "I don't… want to…"

"_Don't you want to feel better?_"

"I do…"

"_Don't you trust me? I love you Light…_"

"I…"

"_I love you Light…_"

Broken mahogany brown eyes blinked, the words heard by only his ears shattering him in ways nothing else could, _especially by who it was that was saying them._

"_Don't you love me too Light?_"

Light didn't even respond as he stopped in his treks and dropped to the floor, staring intensively at his clothed forearms and wishing for something akin to redemption.

* * *

Speckles of red crawled around the floorboards of his living room, the first and most panicking tip off that something was amiss within his home.

L dropped his bag where he stood and followed the growing drops of blood until they became a steady stream of slippery crimson and muddled footprints, staining more than just the wood they were scuffed against. The trail ended abruptly in front of his bathroom door, smudges of blood rung around the silver door knob and odd places against the door in the form of fingerprints and palm swipes.

Kicking in his closed bathroom door, the panting detective nearly cried out in terror as Light's prone body lay unmoving on the bathroom's tiled floor, half of his face smashed in a pool of his vomit as the steady stream of the blood's original source, Light's nose and forearms, created a small pool alongside the disgustingly with the sour yellow regurgitation dripping from the 21-year-old's mouth.

A tiny orange bottle lay inches away from Light's hand, bloody fingertips reaching outward in a silent plea of desperation and fear.

L couldn't even remember having shoved his cell-phone out of his pocket and dialing 911; all he could do was stare at the lithe body covered in putrid fluids and scars, mechanically answer the operator's questions and hope, _hope_, _**hope **_that this wasn't the end of quite possibly the best thing of his life.

* * *

"Don't your bosses get on your ass for all the time off you've been putting in lately?" Light rasped from the hospital bed, voice hoarse behind the oxygen mask strung against his face.

"I've gone for years without taking a day or vacation off, they know better than to say something now at a time of emergency." L stoically replied, staring not at Light but the heart monitor connected just to the left of the student's bed.

_**Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…**_

"I hate hospitals." The utterance was filled with more scorn than usual, dim brown eyes flickering shut as the myriad of lights did little to quell the migraine killing the youth on the motorized cot. The IV drip beside him continued to pour more and more saline into his dehydrated system, silent in its job. "I _hate _hospitals."

L couldn't help but silently agree.

* * *

Mikami let out the breath he had been holding as a pair of cold brown eyes implored with him to let their owner in, the frail body that couldn't have belonged to his best friend shaking as the door was ripped open and Light was pulled inside, where the warmth hit not just his skin but even deeper into his soul. His hospital clothes, which barely covered the rain-drenched young man, clenched tighter against the frozen skin, droplets of water running through bandages and soaked cloth until they reached the dirt-encased feet so used to running.

"Light!" The law student practically screeched before shaking out of his own stupor and hauling his best friend inside of his home. "Oh my God, L has been calling me like crazy! Where the hell have you been?"

"Out. I don't know… out? I was… out…" The confused look on Light's face carefully unfurled, as if Light himself did not know where he was or why he was even there. "Where's L? Isn't he home?"

"Light…" Mikami slowly grabbed his friend's arm and pulled him onto the couch, wrapping the throw hanging over the edge of the piece of furniture around Light's shoulders and pulling him against his side. "Where do you think you are, Light?"

"Why are you asking me? I told you I was… I was… where is L? I want to see L!"

"Ok, ok, calm down! I'll get L… but he'll be a minute. He… he went out for a second to get some treats. Ok?"

"He knew I was coming right? He always knows…" Light enclosed his arms around his body in a protective gesture, eyes scanning the large room as Mikami grabbed a blanket from his closet and laid it over Light's shoulders. "How long do you think he'll be? I miss him…"

"I'll give him a call ok?" Mikami shakily placated the shivering brunet, those hollow eyes crackling with distrust. "I'll make sure he gets your favorite potato chips while he's at it."

Light nodded solemnly before going back into his own world, those brown eyes once again glazed over and deadened to the reality withholding them in its tenuous grasp.

Teru wasted no time in rushing off into the kitchen and grabbing his phone, slithering into his pantry closet and closing the door behind him. Dialing the numbers he now knew by heart, Mikami nearly cried as L's normally annoyingly blank voice flittered over the other line, "L? You need to get your ass over here _now_. Light's here and… I don't think he's-"

Mikami blinked as the line was cut, the slight beep echoing within his ears both relieving and ominous.

'Light…'

Whatever became of his best friend was all in L's hands now.

* * *

"He's in the spare bedroom. I literally had to fight him to sleep." Mikami whispered as he led L to his guest room, fingers fidgety as dark brown eyes lingered over the cigarette hanging off L's lips. "I picked a bad time to quit smoking didn't I?"

"The trick is to not start to begin with." L smirked as he pushed the younger man away from his person and made his way to the full-sized bed in the middle of the bed and with just a little bit of effort picked the incredibly thin boy up into his arms and marched out of the room as if it were his home he were leaving and not Mikami's.

Light, surprisingly, didn't even flinch within his sleep.

Bunched up in his arms, L could almost forget their last conversation and why the young man had run away from him to begin with.

* * *

"_You're lucky." L muttered as he straightened out the pillow underneath Light's head. _

"_What do you mean by that?" Light's voice was still a bit hoarse but no longer hindered by the cumbersome oxygen mask that had irked him to all hell. _

_L hesitated for a moment but did not let his own common sense deter him, partly from nicotine and sugar deprivation though mainly from the fact that he knew that Light needed this reality check. "You're lucky they didn't call a psyche squad in here or that the authorities don't ride your ass the way you should with the amount of times you've landed in the hospital because of your… 'injuries'." _

"_If I was lucky they would've come before I had gotten in this deep." Light stated, eyes deadening along with his tone of voice. "You think because you know a little bit about me that suddenly my whole life story is all figured out? You know _nothing_." _

"_Some detective you are, huh? I bet you've already looked through my medical and psyche records, already think you've figured me all out and how I think. L… you don't know _shit_." Pulling the IV out of his arm, Light barely grunted as the movement jarred his bandaged forearms. "I'm not some fucking puzzle who just needs a bit of twisting to figure out. I don't give a shit about what you think you know or what they think is best for me! I've lived, I've died and I've spilt more blood than this without even breaking a sweat, whether it be mine or my own! I've been through more crap than you could even imagine and you think I'm _lucky_?" _

"_Light, you're aggravating your injuries." L stated through practically clenched teeth, silently making his way to the nurse's station button. _

"_I don't give a shit! Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not some damsel in distress! I'm not-!" Light almost fell off the bed, his legs clumsy after a couple of days of constant rest. "You don't know what it's like so you can't tell me I'm lucky. You don't know my pain so you can't act like it's nothing!" _

"_Every day you try to mask your own fucking shit with booze and sex and you have the nerve to act like your vices are so much better than mine? That if you don't talk about your shit that it'll all just go away; newsflash you asshole, drinking your troubles away doesn't do shit but make you a violent motherfucker who couldn't care less about anyone else but yourself!" Light began to shake, the drugs the staff had been silently pumping into him making him more unhinged than usual as the panic flitted in and out of his voice. "You're like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; as soon as you get some drink in you all you can do is hurt me and lie to me and abuse me… how are you any different than me? In fact, how are you any better?" _

_L, who had grown exceedingly more pale as the words continued to pour from Light's lips in an angry slur, did not even hesitate in his steps as he walked out of the room for just a moment; he needed to collect himself because despite how much he wished to say that Light was wrong he _wasn't_ and the last thing he needed was to lose control of himself in a hospital with a mentally and physically incapacitated Light speaking more of the truth than L had ever heard him admit to when he was infinitely more 'clean' and 'healthy'. _

_Not even twenty minutes later a nurse, whom had been assigned to give Light his lunch for that day, was seen flittering from his room and letting her superiors that Light indeed had managed to vanish, the open window in his room bringing in a draft that spoke of the storm to come. _

* * *

"Are you feeling better?"

Light said nothing as he walked into the apartment, the dark-haired man leaning heavily against the door he had just opened reeking of cigarette smoke and whiskey. The haze of the hospital drugs had vanished hours ago, the nurses and doctors all giving him disapproving looks before giving him the ok to leave. L had once again muttered something about luck but Light knew better.

The less time Light had to spend in the hospital the less time they actually had to act like he was their responsibility.

Some of the veteran nurses had given L the stink-eye when he had appeared by Light's side, his scent giving away just what he had been doing whilst Light had been MIA. L had shrugged off the looks and asked if they would like to give him a breathalyzer; that hadn't earned him any fans either.

L bit his lip, the blank gaze returning back to its former place on Light's face. After having witnessed the amount of _emotion _Light had poured out to him in the hospital L was almost disappointed; he would have preferred the blind rage to the blaring indifference now displayed to him. It was a mark that Light didn't even care enough about him to show him what he was thinking; that L was not even a speck on Light's emotional scale and that all he would get was the same bland callousness that Light reserved for strangers and general acquaintances.

"Do you honestly think that ignoring me is just going to make everything better?"

The slam of a bedroom door and rattle of several items on the verge of falling from their original places was Light's only answer.

* * *

"Where are you going?"

After a lengthy month of long-winded one-sided conversations and biting lips and empty gazes L was surprised to see Light getting dressed into street clothes and appearing moderately sane for a man who was just earlier this month running around in drenched patient's clothing with a crazed look in his eyes and not knowing where he was for the most part.

"Looking for my luck," Light airily stated. "Don't worry I won't be disappearing anytime soon."

L, who was now wondering why he hadn't just bit his tongue all those nights ago, nodded as he watched Light finished getting dressed, dark eyes clouding with worriment. "Will you be careful?"

Shucking on his shoes, already slouched against the door leading outside; Light didn't even deign to answer the question, hazel-brown eyes looking forward instead of looking back.

* * *

Light blinked as he stared at the tombstone, eyes suspiciously wet.

It was the first time in months that he had been really able to let all of his emotions out in one fell swoop, his only witnesses the rainclouds hanging above him and the large block of marble staring up at him through the sloshes of water cascading around it. Dropping himself onto the mud-infested grave, Light didn't even flinch as his clothes became dirty and relentlessly soggy; the dark edge of his thoughts bludgeoning all other discomforts like a heavy mallet.

Never had Light felt so… _weak_.

The scars, which at one time served to remind him just what it was he was running away from, were no longer looked at with pride. The pieces of himself which he had cut away himself no longer brought him the peace and exhilaration that had kept him together through the roughest of times; instead, all he felt was shame and a now ingrained discontent that never seemed to leave him _be_.

Between the drugs and the dreams, between the lies and the twisted love, Light no longer knew what to believe.

How could he when his own eyes and ears heard things that others couldn't?

Physical pain was nothing. A momentary ache that aided in doing nothing but disturb your mentality; yes, your psyche, which was the weakest part of one's body when tampered with in _just _the precise manner. And really, how many people had tampered with Light's own twisted psyche? The doctors, the officers, the detectives, the families, the gangsters, the friends, the enemies…

No one spared him in their pursuit of happiness.

Gripping the muddy patch with shivering hands, Light felt his breath hitch, a sign of lost breath on his own part.

'_Am I sobbing?_'

What did Light really have a left? A dead father for both a confidante and never-ending nightmare? An obsessive ex-boyfriend who was hot for him one moment and cold the next? And a family who did nothing but worry over his existence, an existence that Light didn't even know was still worth living. Every part of his life was littered with insecurities and magnified flaws; he honestly didn't know if he had ever done anything worth doing at all.

So why was he still here? What was keeping him _here_?

Light's torso swung forward and hit the ground, his face toppled off to the side as the dreary landscape became encased in gray; the gray of his ex-lover's eyes, the gray of his everyday life, the gray of his father's skin tone as he lay in that cherry-wood casket and refused to move for a quietly grieving Light who didn't yet know just what life would be handing him the moment that casket closed and was lowered six-feet underground.

Everything was just _gray_.

"I can't keep living like this…" Light murmured, his lips tinged with blood and mud after having bitten his tongue after the initial fall. "I just want to go and-"

And for once, Light didn't know what it was that he wanted.

After facing death so many times and failing, he knew he couldn't do it anymore. His sanity just _couldn't take it_.

Carefully pushing his arms up from his sides, Light picked himself up from off the ground and took a deep breath. The rushing liquid pouring over his back and hair burned his limbs as the pain from the day's adventure finally caught up with the 21-year-old still just recovering, the ache of taut muscle and bruised flesh bringing the brunet back to the reality he sincerely hoped was the one everyone _else _knew to be true.

"_You could end it right now…_"

Slowly standing up straight, Light stared down at the beautiful scrawl emblazoned on dark marble.

"_He doesn't know where you are; it would be so easy…_"

Taking a step back, Light shoved his hands into his pockets and shook his head.

"_This may be your last chance…_"

The walk out of the cemetery wasn't nearly as difficult as the walk in had been.

* * *

The white tiles of the bathroom were mocking him with its cleanliness, he was sure of it. It's lack of stains, lack of cracks, lack of _life_-

Even his dirt-streaked hands held more _personality _than those damn sterile white tiles.

"Light?"

The mud-laden brunet rolled his eyes as he turned on the shower and drenched his hands with the freezing stream of water coming down overhead. Globs of brown and red corrupted the saintly white tiles much to Light's immense pleasure, the rest of his dirt-infested clothes coming off to sit on the prestigious white floor and saturating it with all of his filth.

'_Taunting doesn't get anyone anywhere…_'

L blinked as he watched Light's thin figure disappear behind the veil of the shower curtain, the stream of water splashing over darkened flesh splotched with coils of scars and mud. Not used to seeing such filthy clothes slated over Light's beautiful figure, let alone his usually spotless bathroom floor, L made a mental note to grab a pair of gloves from the kitchen and get rid of the atrocities as soon as possible. Having watched Light enter in such a state had been horrifying enough, the look on his face was even worse; keeping the clothes would obviously be inviting an incident of epic proportions if L knew his boyfriend well enough by now.

Obviously their grimy state had _nothing _to do with his quick-witted decision either.

Creeping out of the spacious bathroom as quietly as possible, L wondered if he would be able to finagle the thoughts out of Light's head and out in the open.

It was becoming quite clear that anything Light kept in between the walls of his mind was slowly, if viciously, tearing him apart.

* * *

"I just don't think you should go out tonight," L snarled from where was lounging, legs sprawled out invitingly as lanky arms were perched on either side of the couch's edge.

"I didn't realize you were my keeper." Light quietly snapped back, the edge taken off by the softness of his demeanor. "Afraid I might leave if you let me off your leash?"

"Considering dogs listen to their masters and you don't that's a moot comparison." L begrudgingly muttered underneath his breath.

"Seeing as you see me as your bitch, I still see the resemblance." Having lived with L for so long had honestly afforded Light with the super-hearing necessary to strike back at the jests said on the sly; at least, that's what L told himself whenever the younger man snapped back at one of his more quieter comments.

"Touché."

The scarred brunet smirked as he shucked on his jacket, his shoes hanging by the door in a prim fashion. Entirely drenched in black, the irregular paleness of Light's skin-tone blended seamlessly with the night-life he was about to escape into, cracked honey-brown eyes needing an escape from the beige of L's apartment and the smothering sense of watchful eyes around every turn.

If Light didn't know any better, he'd say that L even had _cameras _situated within their own apartment, but-

Wait that was a stupid thing to think.

_Of course L had cameras in his own apartment. _

"I'm leaving." Light stated simply, only pausing to slip on his shoes and close the door behind his receding figure. Having taken a peak at L's irritable face before the solid oak door slipped shut Light mentally took note to come back a bit early tonight so as to not disturb _his majesty's _beauty sleep.

Pouring himself a large drink once the door was fully closed and Light didn't magically appear back within their apartment, L didn't even think twice in taking a large swig and reaching for his cigarettes.

Tonight was not going to be pleasant if the start was any indication.

* * *

Tapping fingers and blaring bass; it was the only thing Light could hear amidst the roars of young people having a good time, the feeling of decadence oozing out of every lithe body and pair of wild eyes clustered within the club Light was holing himself within. Though many had given him appreciative glances, not many of those same people had actually approached him; his now smoldering dark eyes gleaming devilishly under the bright strobe lights and pale rose lips thinned together to form an expression of unmistakable boredom that could hardly be shook off with just one dance or fuck.

Every dismissal was done tactfully, the stony edge in Light's voice not to be questioned even under the most persistent of dancer's eyes.

But the thrill of the music could only keep Light away for so long. For years, it had been the only thing that had sustained him; the multiple trysts were merely the fudge to his sundaes as the dance-floor had been his ice-cream.

Light finally threw his inhibitions to the wayside once his foot began to shake along with the beats of his fingers and made his way to the dance-floor, his dark ensemble blending beautifully with the crowd as the tinted lights gave him all the color he needed.

Within seconds, Light found the adrenaline rush that only music could give you.

Completely sober and almost happy; it was a combination that Light hadn't known was completely possible until now.

* * *

True to his promise to himself Light made it to the apartment before 12, proud to have not given into temptation and let himself continue to sweat out his frustrations until the near early morning. It was almost as if everything had been given perspective now that Light didn't feel as clustered as he had these past few months; between the injuries, L and his family and his own impatience he had forgotten what it was like to just let _go _and forget about everything except his own enjoyment.

How was he supposed to keep it together if he was constantly reminded of the things he had no control over?

And in the end, wasn't that the main problem? Control…?

Shaking his head, Light gently pushed the door open and stepped inside, about to call out to L but cut-off by the wreckage that used to be L's kitchen and living room. Random bottles rolled out from underneath furniture, peaks of empty glasses scattered wherever shards of glass were not laid broken on the hardwood floor. The pillows were completely decimated as well, pulled fabric shredded up as puffs of white stuffing popped up in the strangest of places-

But all of that was just caught out of the peripheral of his eye. The _real _destruction that caught his attentions was the _pictures_.

Every single image that included Light (which was almost _all _of them) had been utterly destroyed, ripped into little pieces as if they were confetti and scattered all around the apartment in a fit of, which Light knew to be, rage.

Keeping his shoes on and ready just in case, Light stumbled over the trash with a sadness that only a coherent person could capture and made his way to the bedroom, where he knew the perpetrator was either sleeping his anger away or stewing in his own fury.

And as predicted, there was L sitting on the edge of their bed, head within his hands and fingernails smudged with blood.

"L…?"

Dark eyes flitted upwards for a bare second only to turn downwards a moment later.

"Are you alright L?"

Next to L was his cell-phone, which was still flipped open. One milky white hand shakily let go of dark hair only to grip the tiny device in its stead.

"I've been calling you all night…"

And there was the tell-tale slur that Light feared would make its appearance, disappointment covering his expression beautifully.

"I was out dancing…" Light muttered. "I didn't hear it over the music."

"You always do this! Always make me worry!"

"I…" Light kept his distance, already anticipating the eruption about to take place having seen such an expression on L's face once before. The words (_the pleas_) attempted to stave off the inevitable, but the torn up brunet knew that any such nonsense was for naught. "How much have you had to drink tonight, L…?"

"You could've been killed!" L spouted out, throwing his cell-phone in Light's direction as hard as he could. Ducking under the flying phone, Light flinched as it slammed into the wall and clattered onto the floor helplessly. "And I wouldn't have even known! What the hell do you even have a phone for if not to use it?"

"I was fine…"

L slowly got up from the bed, smudge of red trailing over their white sheets. "Somebody could've hurt you…"

"But I didn't… get hurt…" Light continued to back up, hitting the wall just next to the door. Carefully glancing at the still open door, Light calculated the amount of time he would have to run against the amount of time it would take L to run after him…

"And while you were out…" L slowly slurred, gray eyes dilated as just a few steps stood in between Light and himself. "You didn't find anybody… interesting?"

"You know I don't do that anymore!" Forgetting about his quick exit, Light's anger quickly got the best of him. "I haven't even fucked anybody since-!"

"Me?" Now a hair's breath away from Light's face, the brunet blinked as the situation quickly came down upon him.

'_Shit_.'

Hands cupped Light's face as a pair of alcohol-soaked lips covered his own, physically relaxing into the familiar gesture until a sharp pull of his hair tugged his head forward and back, his crown hitting the base of the cement wall with a loud crack. Tugging Light forward by the grip of his hair, L threw the still-recovering body onto the floor and quickly stripped himself of his white tee-shirt just before unzipping his jeans.

Still seeing stars from the sudden head-bang against the wall, Light yelped as his shirt was practically ripped open and sharp teeth latched themselves onto his neck, skeletal hands attempting to hold his shoulder's down as slinky legs straddled his bruised (and still healing) hips. Cringing at the pain shooting up his spine, Light bucked the man off, L's teeth cutting into his skin as they refused to relinquish their hold over Light's neck.

Hoping this wouldn't lead to more, Light slapped one of L's hands away and punched him in the cheek, the teeth finally pried off as slick blood slipped down his neck and onto his collar bone.

Before Light could even blink, L pulled his own fist back and knocked him back on the opposite cheek, but unlike L who was not use to the pain, Light kicked his legs back and caught the man by his abdomen, effectively disorienting the drunk man for a couple of moments and making his way into the bathroom and locking himself within it. For just a couple of moments nothing but silence met Light's ears, hoping to have confused L enough so that he could sober up and let Light leave in peace-

"LIGHT! Open this door _now_!"

Covering his ears, Light did the only thing he could think of-

"GRAGH!"

Quickly slamming the door open in L's face with all the force he had, he raced out the front door and raced down the apartment stairs, relieved to not hear the sound of steps falling behind him, the tears falling silently without his consent thereafter.

* * *

"_Hi, this is Light Yagami. I'm sorry I couldn't answer your call at the moment but if you leave your name and message after the tone I'll be sure to get back to you! Thank you." _

"Light, please just pick up the phone and tell me you're safe! Your mother is worried sick and your sister doesn't know where you are… Mikami is ready to go on a rampage and I know it's my fault but if nothing else just _call them _and let them know you're _alright_! It was a mistake ok! I swear I'll never do it again…" L let his head hit the door, the whites of his eyes wrapped in red veins as the outer edges were puffed up and darkened with shadows. "Light, please, I'm sorry…"

_**Beep.**_

Dialing the same set of numbers as before, L was not deterred in the slightest; he would not rest until Light was found and safe. He would not let the brunet suffer on his behalf, and whatever Light wanted him to do as atonement for his mistake he would do so.

But after all the alcohol and months of _nothing _from the 21-year-old what did Light _expect_ from him? Even _L _of all people had a limit-

'_No, can't blame him, wasn't his fault, shit why the hell hasn't he answered yet?_'

"_The voicemail-box of "_Light Yagami_" is full. If you would like to pag-_"

"FUCK!" L swore out loud, nearly his throwing his phone against the wall again out of spite. Instead the 29-year-old detective grabbed his jacket and went to do what he did best-

_Investigate_.

* * *

'_What am I doing here?_'

After a near week at some nameless motel, Light found himself out on the town, hoping to rekindle some spark of life that he had managed to recover just one week ago-

'_Don't think about it_.'

His hair was soaked in sweat and his arms were tired from the constant sway, but Light continued to push his body beyond its limits, even when internally he could feel the steady burn ignite into a different type of flame altogether. His limbs, which were all covered in hand-shaped bruises, began to stiffen up and lock together, his hips screaming for a rest as the pain there was resonating the most.

Though the stitches were gone, the phantom pain from the stab and gunshot wound crept up on him in the most displeasing of places, the double shots of pain almost unbearable in their ferocity.

'_You can do this. Don't think about the pain. You've done this before._'

But his neck was the most distinguishable place to avoid; the large puncture wound was deeply embedded into his skin, almost to the point where Light was afraid that any deeper and L could have bled him out. The circle of bruising was large, tinged with green as a sign of healing. The dancers around Light stared not at him but the bruise and bite marks, curious and invading.

For them, it signified just how much pleasure he had brought both himself and his partner. Oh, if they could only know the truth…

Finally able to admit exhaustion, Light let his arms fall and began to make his way out of the dance-floor, wondering how long he would be able to stay a nameless face in the crowd and if such a feat was even worth the effort.

Unbeknownst to him however, he was not as nameless as he thought and a familiar pair of green eyes gleamed happily as they got up and followed Light out of the club, nothing but a shadow under the bright beautiful lights.

* * *

"_Please tell me there's a reason you're calling the both of us at-_" the irritatingly tired voice paused for a moment, "3:30 in the morning."

"You have to help me find Light." L stated matter-of-factly, eyes burning for sleep as they strained themselves to look out at the night road with just the headlights of his car as assistance.

"_AGAIN?_" Mihael's voice was excruciatingly loud, voicing all of his disappointment and anger with just one word.

"I… I think I've got a good lead on him. The person sounded positive that it was him and I'm not taking the chance that it's not." Though his voice was still as hard as a rock a tiny inflection broke halfway through his speech, making L sound much younger than he really was. "I know it's fucked up, but I just got so angry and… that's all my fault. So I have to find him and you have to help me…"

"_Why should we when he obviously doesn't want to be found?_"

The silence on L's behalf was all the answer Mihael needed.

* * *

Light knew that he had bad luck with alleys but he just _had _to take the short cut didn't he?

"I…" The brunet slurred for a moment, the other side of his neck now sore as a pinprick of a needle was pulled out of it and his head began to float with disorientation.

Eyes, heavy-

"Ppleaaaaseee…"

Limbs, swaying-

"Waaah…"

Mouth, covered-

"N-nooo"

Head, _done_.

* * *

L held the phone to his ear as the obnoxious rave music answered back to him, giving way to a still full voice-mailbox.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…"

L slammed his car in park as he got to the front of the club, not even caring as people began to yell at him and throw things in his general direction.

Something wasn't right and if his contact was right-

'_Shiiiit…_'

* * *

Light, still having enough of a mind to function on the barest of levels, smashed the back of his head against his captors head, stumbling forward as all other motor functions were basically null and void.

Conscious enough to hear the man behind him let out a loud swear, Light counted his blessings that he couldn't feel the barest amount of pain as his captor grabbed a broken lead pipe beside him and swung at his head-

The last thing Light heard before he lost _complete _consciousness was the sound of his ringtone from his phone, for the first time that week _wishing _that he could have picked it up.

"_I'll never be the same if we ever meet again. Won't let you get away if we ever meet again. This free-fall's (Fall!) got me so (So!); kiss me all night, don't ever let me go! I'll never be the same if we ever meet again…_"


	8. So Happy I Could Die

A/N: Now, what the hell is this doing here you ask?

Ah, I could go into an explanation but I won't. ;)

(Two Reasons: Hari-chan is not very happy with LJ at the moment and she is sick of looking at this story as incomplete when really, it's all done babies. ^.^)

I will totally understand if I get burned for the length of these last two chapters. Honestly, I wouldn't blame anyone at this point if they gave up just because they are so long. Hopefully you'll love me enough to let go of the anger and enjoy the conclusion of "Bad Romance". Here's the penultimate chappie, next one should be up in the next couple of days. :)

(Now for the real author's note of this chapter!)

I tried really hard not to make this as angsty as it has been coming out but… I'm pretty sure I failed to the nth degree. Forgive me dear readers; these two just DON'T want to resolve their problems. -.-

Once I'm finished with this monster I will be able to FINALLY focus on other stories that have been basically abandoned for this one. T.T I know my babies miss momma but sometimes when an idea is jumping on your lap the best thing to do is spank it to calm it down and hope for the best. XD There's also a part of this story where I totally channel "As Good As It Gets"… yeah. I love that movie. I loves you Jack! Even as an old Obsessive Compulsive! :D

ONWARDS MY LITTLE MONSTERS! THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "BAD ROMANCE" IS READY FOR TAKE OFF!

**Warnings**: Violence, rape, emotional and physical battery along with mental fuck-uppery that you could only expect from Bad-Romance!Light and L (basically the usual). Angst along with a lot of WTF moments of the angry/confusing kind, not excluding of course spousal abuse (mostly just emotional and mental this time however) as well as probable mental-health issues dealing with mood and psychological disorders AND last but not least an attempt at some emotional catharsis that will most likely seem strange and slightly tacky (lawl). Next chapter is going to be the last chapter… might as well make this one a doozy (like all the other chapters weren't right? XD). :)

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note or "So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga… Just to let you guys know. ^.^;

* * *

"_I love that lavender blonde…_

_The way she moves, the way she walks-_

_I touch myself, can't get enough._

_And in the silence of the night_

_Through all the tears_

_And all the lies-_

_I touch myself and it's alright…_

_Just give in;_

_Don't give up baby-_

_Open up your heart and your mind to me._

_Just know when_

_That glass is empty that the world is gonna bend-_

_Yeah!_

_Happy in the club with a bottle of red wine,_

_Stars in our eyes 'cuz we're having a good time-_

_Eh-eh, eh-eh; so happy I could die…_

_Be your best friend-_

_Yeah, I'll love you forever,_

_Up in the clouds_

_I'll be higher than ever-_

_Eh-eh, eh-eh; so happy I could die_

_And it's alright_."

-"So Happy I Could Die" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title: _**So Happy I Could Die**_

_**

* * *

**_

Rapid footsteps stuttered as their collection meshed together into a jumbled assortment, long legs practically fumbling over each other as L slid down a particularly slippery corner and glimpsed into the alley adjacent to the nosy club Light had no doubt deemed suitable for the night.

Spotty lights bridged together to form a broken pathway down the formerly dark lane, broken glass and tipped over garbage cans sparkling dully under the dim lighting.

'_Glass…_'

Immediately flashes of bruised skin and sparks of pain filtered into his mind without his consent, L's concentration bordering on non-existent. The sounds he had heard just minutes before had not been a part of his imagination; if nothing else, L was sure of that.

Sprinting down the path of lights and garbage, L's eyes were everywhere, his ears pricking to pick up every sound that wasn't his own. The debris crunching disgustingly under his sneaker-clad feet, his harsh breaths being pulled out into the air in large clouds of condensation and the audible shivers his body was raking in from insufficient heat were all ignored; all there was (_once again_) was Light.

L's phone, which was still gripped between spindly fingers, was quickly flipped open and the familiar number re-dialed. Pausing in his steps, L prayed to every God he did not believe in that an answer would be his reward.

_Brring…_

"-_I'll never be the same if we ever meet again._"

"What the fuck…" L whispered, lowering the phone next to his ear and walking forward, the loud dance music not coming from the club but the large trash receptacle a few feet in front of him.

"_Won't let you get away if we ever meet again._"

"Shit…" Lithely climbing up the sides of the huge trash bin, L's dark eyes took everything in until the flashing lights of the familiar phone caught his attention.

"_This free-fall's (Fall!) got me so (So!); kiss me all night, don't ever let me go!_"

"FUCK!" Pulling his sleeve over his hand, L dug around until he caught the phone between fabric-encased fingers and gagged. For once, not even the sight of himself digging through garbage made him pause as L deftly jumped down the receptacle and landed nimbly on both feet.

"_I'll never be the same if we ever meet again…_"

Pressing the "End Call" button on his own cell-phone (_no, he did not feel anxious as the lights on his lover's phone drifted off, that was ridiculous!_) and dialed another familiar number, eyes already catching splotches of red on the ground leading down the alley and out onto the other side of the street…

"_Hello? L, what the he-_"

"Get your ass to this address as fast as you can. And by that I mean _now_."

Murmuring a swift set of numbers and words, the voice on the other line was quick and precise; no awkward comments or jovially tone set within the younger man's voice. Clicking the phone shut, L closed his eyes and cracked his neck.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Eyelids fluttered open as dilated brown eyes blurred with glazed-over tears, large blurbs of color burning their owner's retinas until they were forced to blink away the liquid trying to cascade down pallid cheeks and cracked lips.

The itchy sensation of dried blood crept alongside the incapacitated man's right-side of his head, fingers aching to reach up and _touch_, but the blinding pain behind the bright lights in his eyes forced that idea down completely; '_Concussion_' was the only word able to make through the silent grunts of pain and inner-whimpers stifled by years of taking pain only to store it away inside under lock and key.

Bloodshot honey-brown eyes bounced upward as a looming shadow looked down upon the broken figure on the floor, face hidden completely by the bursts of light and heavy darkness masked over the room where the lights did not hit.

Any other person's first thought would be 'where am I?'

Light's was 'who the hell did I piss off _now_?'

"I see you're awake…" A smooth tenor reverberated within Light's eyes, the sound obnoxiously loud even though it was nothing but a whisper. "For the moment."

Harshly blinking away the array of lights distracting him from the shadowed blur now set in front of him, Light cleared his throat as best he could and began the inevitable 'countdown'.

_One…_

"Who the fuck are you?" Scrambling back against the wall, drowsy brown eyes worked to pinpoint the person standing above them, the smirk on the other man's practically flowing over Light's body like grimy ooze dripping down a gutter. "And what the hell is your _problem_?"

"My _problem_? You see, _Light_, I have a lot of problems. I have a brother who is now dead and unable to provide me with the information I need. I have a cartel that refuses to deal with me because I do not have the supplies they want. I also have the police tracking me down for trafficking when, funnily enough, I have no drugs to actually _traffic_." Slicked back raven-colored locks became visible as the man who was still unidentifiable leaned closer into Light's personal space, two specks of bright green (_where had he seen that exact shade of green before?_) honing in on the brunet like headlights. "And all this would not be happening if not for one person and one person in particular."

"Oh, do I get three guesses or do the first two don't count?" Though his brain was clogged with pain and drowsiness, Light still had enough sense in him to be able to _not _use it. And was it just him or were those eyes becoming even more familiar…?

"You just had to open your big mouth didn't you Lightie-boy?" Skeletal fingers pressed against the sides of Light's sunken cheeks, making sure to keep those confused mahogany-brown eyes on the stranger's face. "You couldn't just leave well enough alone huh? If not for your testimony then my brother would've been in the clear. If not for you, I would still have a business and my brother would've been gone in a different kind of way… Hell, I would've took you in as my own and we could've made such good business together."

'_Shit…_' Light faintly heard his own voice ring in the back of his head, those eyes finally clicking in his memory; though in the past they did not belong to this virtual stranger but to a heavy set gang-leader who had always looked at Light as if he were the apple in his eye. '_Double shit! What the hell did I get myself into?_'

"He fucked himself over…" Light wheezed out. "They had enough evidence from here to Kalamazoo to get him where he went. My testimony-"

"Sealed the fucking deal my friend!" Clapping in mocking gratitude, the still-nameless man above Light grinned as pieces of his face began to _click _into place. "We probably could've gotten him off with a lighter sentence but you just _had _to speak up huh?"

"Fucker deserved more than just a few measly years in jail! He ruined me and countless other boys just so that he could get more money in his pocket! Not to mention what he almost did to m-" Snapping his jaw shut before any more damaging information could escape, Light glared up at the raven-haired abductor. "It doesn't matter though. I don't care if he's rotting in jail or rotting in hell. And you, we both know you could give two shits and a log about him. If this is all about revenge what else do you gain out of it? I have no connections to that world anymore and even less to the police force. If you're caught you'll essentially be giving yourself up to the dogs and ending up just like your dear old brother."

"You're right." Gently roving his fingers through the shivering man's dirty brown locks, the green-eyed captor smiled maliciously. "But there's two things you haven't considered; one, who the hell would go looking for you. And two, who wouldn't want such a pretty souvenir like you? My brother had good taste if nothing else… and I deserve nothing less than the best."

Before Light could open his mouth to snap out another reply, the once ominously soothing fingers grabbed the silky strands and jerked the weak man's head forward, the other mysteriously missing hand appearing out of the peripheral of Light's eye-

Only to turn into black as a blunt object rammed into the back of his head, the pain even more consuming than before.

* * *

"Ok, I got an eyewitness that says he saw the brunet you were talking about being trailed by some dark-haired guy in a suit!"

"But did he get a good shot of his face?"

"A side profile! And eye-color as well! We can work with it!"

"Eye color?"

"Bright green almost bordering on yellow! Really rare in this area!"

"Great! Run the characteristics and tell me what you come up with!"

"I got another eye-witness who says that they saw a man dragging another man into a 4-seat sedan! Didn't get a license plate number but make and model are right here!"

"Good! Put that in to the system as well and check the motor vehicle records to pin down how many of that same make and model are owned in the city! We'll break it down from there!"

L didn't say a word as the other men in his office scrambled for more information about his absentee lover, the words blurring together until L could only hear white noise. Sitting behind his desk, the detective pulled out the bottom right drawer and hauled out a massive folder filled to the brim with information, the name _Yagami, Light _scrawled prettily on the top left corner.

Only a couple of hours had passed but L already felt as if he would pass out, the adrenaline fading away as the onset of panic he loathed to still admit to feeling began to creep its way into the investigator's system…

"Make… model… green eyes… green eyes?" L blinked, a familiar set of green eyes floating above him, their owner about to make their finishing move-

"Asai." L breathed out, hands trembling over the unopened folder.

And just like that, L knew exactly what he had to do.

* * *

"You really are a fighter aren't you?"

Light didn't even respond brown eyes hollow of anything resembling human emotion.

"Asai used to tell me about how stubborn you were but I never really thought you'd live up to the expectation."

A sharp smack against his left cheek stung but not enough to make the younger man's eyes water.

Pain was something Light had grown used to over the years; both his best friend and his enemy.

The more this man hit him, the more the situation became something of a game instead of something to be feared.

"In fact, he used to talk a lot about you… what you did in the bedroom especially."

Cringe.

Shiver.

Twitch.

Shake.

"Such… _vivid _details…"

Light felt his eyes grow heavy again; time becoming nothing more than a passing dream as the same curtains, same crumbling walls, same unerring darkness haloed the disgusting businessman still speaking, now caressing every part of Light that he could reach.

"I could almost forgive you… looking the way you do…"

The panic fueled Light's next actions, now chained wrists straining as long lithe legs kicked forward and aimed for the 21-year-old's captor's face. Bright crimson spotted thin lips as the green-eyed man recoiled backwards and hit the floor, yelping in pain from both Light's kick and the collision towards the ground.

"YOU FUCKING LITTLE _BITCH_!"

Hiking his wrists as far up along his back as he could, Light prepared himself for the onslaught about to be brought his way, knowing that he wouldn't escape this place unless he was either in a body bag or laid out on a stretcher.

'_Where_ _were you when I still wanted to die?_'

Bruised lips curled into a vicious snarl as a clink of a belt buckle opening was Light's only warning before a slash of black leather hurled down onto his chest and cut into his skin.

"You want me to beat you don't you?" The older man giggled. "You want to feel like the fucking victim don't you? Well don't worry, Asai told me all about _that _as well. I won't pull myself down to his level though. I'm gonna savor every second of this _Light_ just like he did. And I'll make sure that you _never _forget me. No, not like you did my brother."

"He had everything in the palm of his hand and yet he still let it all go because of one little punk bitch he liked to fuck. Who the hell was he to let his dick rule his decisions, huh?" Pulling Light's face up, cold bloody lips smashed against dry ones, prying them open with blunt teeth and a slithery tongue. "But I'll teach you both a lesson, yeah? I'll make you enjoy this… and if you don't, all the better. I want you to remember this moment whenever you try to look your loved ones in the eye and want to give them a hug, kiss, fuck, whatever. You aren't shit; hell, you ain't even fit enough to even look at with all the shit you've done. Think you're so much better when really you're the worst of the pack."

Light shivered as the words, softly spoken into his left ear, rung with a truthfulness that even he wished he could blank away with a bottle or a pill. But Light had never been that stupid; drugs had never comforted him and alcohol was only a means to an end; sex.

What was the use of completion when all it ever caused him was pain?

(_Sweet, never-ending, all consuming pain…_)

Instead of fighting off the older man's advances, Light hung back against the wall like a limp ragdoll, lifeless brown eyes once again plunged deep within a young man's own despair.

'_Maybe if I close my eyes, it will all go away…_'

Light remembered how his father used to laugh whenever he would say that, ruffling his hair in such an endearing way. Pricks of pain edged up the 21-year-old's scarred rib-cage and torso, the sensation of skin being re-ripped open both soothing and pure agony.

Shutting his eyes against the sight in front of him Light bit his lip and hoped the memories would (_for once_) keep the pain at bay.

* * *

"L, be careful!" Mello cried out as L whipped out of the still going car, the motel in front of them looking dead in the silence of the night. "This guy ain't no joke!"

After only a mere hour of investigating Asai and his remaining kin, it took no time to connect the dots between Asai and his only younger brother, , who was also a big name in the drug/human-trafficking trade. After reading about Asai's murder and noticing the similarities between the physical description of the eye-witness and outside club cameras, L could only conclude that this man had been the one to take his lover not even 6 hours before.

Stupidly enough, the near 40-year-old had used his own car in the kidnapping, most likely not expecting anyone to follow up on Light's movements if Light's former disappearances were anything to go by. But luckily L had been trailing after the near middle-aged man and had managed to catch this before any lasting damage could be down to his Light…

Right?

Rushing past the motel owner who absently pointed out a room number as the police infantry moved in, L felt his heart pound against his rib-cage, dark gray eyes smoldering like soot before the fire. Moving up the small set of stairs, L locked into the room number he had heard before (_R28_) and felt his legs fly for him (_the impact was nothing, nothing compared to the ache of not knowing_) and the shattering of wood flew into the afternoon air, sun glinting on specks of chips as the blares of sirens and hoarse bellows flashed in instances that L would not be able to remember later on.

Everything, after that first kick, was nothing but a blur.

* * *

"_FREEZE!_"

"_DON'T SHOOT!_"

"_You're under arrest…_"

"_Light…_"

"_Get him on that gurney stat!_"

"_Shit, he's lost a lot of blood..._"

"_Is he comatose?_"

"_I've got a pulse!_"

"_What's the matter with him?_"

"_Is he breathing?_"

"_Oh my God… LIGHT!_"

"_Get that kid out of here STAT!_"

* * *

"Big brother…?"

Sayu's breath hitched as Light said nothing, the machine next to him pumping in his next breath as the heart monitor next to it _tick, tick, tick_'d the next few seconds away.

Tears scorched against those dark brown eyes Light found so dear, tiny tracks of saline rushing down a pale face usually drawn into a large smile and perpetually cheerful eyes.

Sayu could not find that same cheerfulness at this moment however.

Not when her brother sat there so silently, face drawn tightly into an expression of constant pain and exhaustion even in sleep.

"Why can't they ever leave you alone?" Sayu quietly sobbed, head falling forward into his hands. "Why can't they just leave us all alone? Why do they always have to try to take you away Light?"

A warm hand gently massaged Sayu's shoulder, a matronly face appearing just as tired and withdrawn as their younger counterpart.

"He'll be ok." Sachiko whispered into her daughter's ear, taking in her oldest son's battered face and bandaged head. "He's never given up on life all that easily. I doubt he'll start now Sayu."

"If I was him, I would never wake up." The 16-year-old replied somberly. "I'd stay in my dreams and just _forget_."

Pressing her lips against her daughter's forehead, Sachiko squeezed her own eyes shut and swallowed her own agreement.

* * *

"Aren't you going to go see him?" Mihael whispered as he stared at L's slouched figure curled slovenly within the plush office chair that had always exuded L's confidence but instead seemed to protect him from everyone (_and everything_). "And his family? They're probably waiting for you at the hospital."

"Never thought I'd hear you play the voice of reason babeh," Mail smirked as he ducked underneath the leather-clad fist aiming for his face. "But blondie here is right for once. You should be over there pampering your lover bug not in here sulking."

"He's knocked out anyway, what is there to really see?"

Both Mail and Mihael gave each other simultaneous looks of 'Uh Oh, He's Gone Broke On Us Again Hasn't He?'

"This would have never happened if I hadn't pushed him. I _hurt _him and as if that wasn't enough I practically pushed him into somebody else's arms so that _they _could hurt him too!" L curled himself even deeper within his own embrace, a tinge of bitterness enveloping the air around him…

"Have you been drinking again?" Mihael exploded, blue eyes wide and angry.

"Do... do you ever wonder if maybe what you're dealt with… that's it? That you can't change your cards even if you try to re-deal the deck?" Both of L's insubordinates stared at him as if he had a third eye, twin gazes trying to speculate what it was L was actually trying to say as the older man completely evaded the prior question and flip-flopped around his own head. "If maybe… this is really as good as it gets?"

"What do you mean?" Mail cautiously questioned.

"Maybe Light was right." The detective stood up, clothes disheveled and eyes burning with dryness and lack of sleep. "There's no use fighting for something that can't be fixed. Maybe we can't be fixed."

"That's bullshit!" Blond hair became a tangle of knots as the younger man pulled at his un-brushed locks of gold. "All you two need to do is sit down and have a talk; there's no reason to go to this extreme when you're not even half awake or sober L! What would you have if you didn't have Light?"

"_Nothing._" L strolled out the door without a second glance back, his feet surprisingly still clad in his trademark sloppy sneakers and hands now bunched up within his pockets. "I'd have _nothing_."

Giving the older man a small head start, Mail and Mihael both glanced at each other sharing another look much similar to before.

"Wanna make sure he doesn't completely screw up the only good thing he has going for him?"

Mihael gave his boyfriend a dubious look. "No… but we're going to anyway aren't we?"

Mail simply smiled.

* * *

"Can I get you anything else?"

'_I shouldn't be here..._' L thought to himself but didn't move to get out of the club, his dark eyes focused solely on the glass filled to the brim with amber liquid quite sure to burn once he knocked it back. '_But I'm so tired..._'

"Sir?"

"Not right now…" The slur in L's voice was distinct even to him; it was an out of body experience watching himself drink even more of the bittersweet liquid as if it were a lifesaver and becoming more engulfed in the fog of alcohol that was taking over his senses and bringing out all of the garbage that L had been trying to hide for _so long _now.

One event after another seemed to bombard him at all times, Light's appearance into his life bringing chaos that he had never had to encounter when he had been alone and deprived of such emotional rampage. Three now going on four years after the fact and L was still as ill-equipped as ever to take on life's problems. Light was right in saying that even L didn't know what he wanted; even when he had Light in his grasp it was still not enough.

Both men needed to be right, to be on top, to be leaders…

L didn't know if he had it within him to hand over control as easily as others did. He operated differently and he knew it…

Another drink was slammed in front of the disoriented detective, the hand not that of the bartender.

Glancing up, milky white skin led up to a pair of pale blue eyes and chestnut brown hair reminiscent to Light's own color (_at least it did under the array of lights and beer goggles toppling L's perception at that moment_).

"Hi!" The stranger smiled (_Light didn't smile the first time they met; it was a flurry of seductive glances and whispered words hinting at the maelstrom that would occur not even a half-an-hour after_) as he swept a stray bang away from his eyes (_Light's hair was always impeccable even in the midst of passion; L had always wondered how it managed to defy the laws of physic before just accepting that Light himself was an entity that even science could not explain on the best of days_). "You looked a bit under the weather. Wanna share with a stranger?"

Strangely enough L _did _want to share but he was pretty sure that was the alcohol that wanted to do the talking instead of he, himself.

Grabbing the drink and shoving it down his throat before anything could slip past his lips L instead grabbed the young man's hand and pulled him out into the dance floor.

"Let's dance instead!"

Instantly charmed by the detective's enthusiasm, the now-excitable brunet laughed as he sashayed onto the dance floor, blue eyes alight with interest even as L kept a certain distance from the mystery man across from him. As the night wore on, however, and the drinks continued to be consumed that distance became smaller and smaller-

Until there wasn't any distance at _all_.

Two pairs of blue and green eyes narrowed as they continued to watch undetected, stalking each figure late into the night.

* * *

L felt his throat constrict as he tried to swallow, a strange itchiness creating a painful sensation down through his esophagus as his stomach echoed fellow sentiments and _rolled _painfully. The room held a strange putrid smell which did nothing to help ease his stomach, the bittersweet smell of vomit lingering into L's nostrils, throbbing temples causing the 31-year-old investigator to close his eyes, even as the shuffling of sheets pricked at his ears and the unfamiliar ceiling seemed to ring bells that wanted to stay un-rung.

'_Where the hell am I and what the hell happened last night?_'

As much as it pained him, L had never pictured himself as being one of 'those' people. Light had succumbed to such nights without hesitation (_the boy freely admitted it to this day_) but even the night where he had met the passionate hellion known as Light Yagami had L been with his wits and known what he was doing step by step.

'_Who the… fuck…?_'

The one thing that he had always hassled Light about, that he had always adamantly denied ever doing and ever _wanting _to do-

L stared at his hands, the memories from the night before coming back in a rush.

'_How could I...?_'

Not even seeing if the other person was awake or not L rushed out of the bed and pulled on his clothes (_he'd have to burn these when he got home and changed_) and ran out of the hotel room (_so familiar... why was this room so familiar?_) without once looking back.

* * *

"So now what?" Mail looked over at the pensive blond who for all of his impulsiveness was usually the ringleader between them. "Are you gonna tell Light what we saw?"

"… … We kinda have to don't we?" Mihael whispered. "He's… he's our friend too now. If Light did the same thing we wouldn't even hesitate to let L know what was going on. How is it any different now that it's the other way around?"

"I don't know." The redhead whispered as he ripped his shirt off around his head and threw it on their bedroom floor. "I don't think it is. I… we should wait though. He's not even fully awake yet. He doesn't need this shit right now."

"Damn… I was hoping L would be smarter than this."

"Well I was hoping to get laid tonight but we can't all get what we want now can we?"

Mihael threw a pillow at his boyfriend's head and nearly cackled as it hit its target, the large red splotch on Mail's left cheek matching the fire-hydrant red color of his hair.

A small twitch of the computer-programmer's mouth was the only acknowledgment that the hit had even hurt, causing Mihael's cackling to increase both in length and loudness.

"Asshole."

But both men knew that really, it was all in good fun.

* * *

L sat on his bed, dark eyes wide and contemplative.

After a day locked inside his bedroom he was still no closer to finding his own solution to his problem.

The freedom he had felt that night he had gone out had been nothing but an illusion. The alcohol, as always, stifled his senses and destroyed any inhibitions he had had that night but the questions was _had he liked it_?

L thought of Light, thought of the young man laying on his hospital bed after everything he had been through, wading through memories of unmemorable faces and nightly escapades, daily beatings and… much more personal offences.

The detective remembered the distinct flashes of the night before; of thinking that Light had been with him in that bed and everything had been ten thousand times simpler and L had felt like lust at first sight wasn't enough to describe this emotion welling in his chest, not when somebody as beautiful as this boy had lain within his arms and given as good as he got.

But those flashes were few and far in between, staining the encounter with a bitterness that L couldn't wash out of his mouth no matter how many times he tried.

Without a doubt, L had hated every minute of it, but only because it hadn't been _Light. _

'_You see how easy it is to do it…?_' A tiny voice whispered in L's ear. '_Imagine how easy it would be for Light…_'

Dark eyes widened even further, deeply troubled by the prospect.

Because it would be easy…

Especially for someone as beautiful (_conniving_) as Light.

"Where have you been?" Sayu harshly questioned, brown eyes dim of their usual pep. "Mom and I have been trying to call you for ages!"

"Sorry," L stated as he trudged inside the wide hallway, multiple nurses roaming past them with speculative glances, all screaming '_No matter what you say or do, I've somehow seen this before…_' "I've been busy with the case."

(_Liar…_)

"Have they found anything on the guy that took Light yet?"

"No, not at the moment."

(_Liar…_)

"So what, they're just going to let him go free?"

'_Not if I have anything to do with that._'

"I suppose so."

(_It's just so easy… lie after lie after lie…_)

"Well Light woke up yesterday." Sayu shifted uncomfortably, obviously having not had the best experience with her newly-awakened brother. "He asked for you once he managed to get out of his… stupor."

"He had a panic attack didn't he?" L softly questioned.

Sayu didn't even answer, lowering her head in shame as she thought of the hysteria etched onto her older brother's face as he backed away from both herself and her mother once his eyes popped open, old demons clouding over those gorgeous features until fear was all you could register within Light's visage.

"He'll be alright, Sayu."

(_Now that's the biggest lie of them all isn't it? How do you think he'll feel once he finds out your little secret hm?_)

"Once he calms himself down and the medication wears off, he'll be the same old Light we all know and remember."

Staring up at the man giving her the (_false_) hope she needed Sayu nodded, appearing so much more fragile under the array of blinding lights and crisp white walls surrounding them. Grabbing L's hand, they both made their way back to the room-

Both trembling even if for two entirely different reasons.

* * *

_Days and days and days… hours and hours and hours… always stuck in the same place every time…_

Light tuned out the conversation floating around him as he stared out the only window within the room, the charcoal gray skies blurring over as smooth concrete gray clouds floated by, the glass of the window pane holding upright even as streaks of heavy rain bounced off of its protection.

_I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore._

A tight grip shook the tanned bicep coiffed in the loose white tee-shirt that Light had bummed off L, too tired to bother his mother or sister for his clothes and knowing that L would not bring his usual attire regardless of whether it was Light's convenience or his own.

Milky brown eyes slowly turned away from the window and rolled upwards until a pair of equally dark gray eyes captured their attention.

_What is there left to live for?_

L's mouth continued to move but Light could not hear the words; it was like white noise pitched against a veil of silence and Light couldn't dredge up the will to actually _care_.

Light closed his eyes and let his mind wander, thoughts loosening until only the darkness was left.

* * *

"Yooohooooo… wakey-wakey little man…"

A brown eye popped open as a blurb of yellow and blue floated above the single orb and… grinned?

"Are you finally awake sleeping beauty?"

Light grinned as he pushed Mihael's face out of the way and blinked away the sleep he had been indulging in, the morphine that had been pumping through his system finally at a point where Light could manage coherency without feeling as high as a kite.

"No thanks to you." The bed-ridden college student snapped as he pulled himself up whilst trying not to pull at his stitches as well. "What the hell are you doing here by yourself? I always figured Mail was your shadow/prostitute stalker and L was… well my shadow/prostitute stalker."

Mihael chuckled viciously as he thought of both Mail and L dressed up as his and Light's own personal hookers, knowing that even a person with the most control wouldn't be able to hold back the peals of laughter such imagery caused.

"Seriously though, what the hell are you doing here?" Light asked with humor still evident in his voice, obviously having the same imagery stuck in his own head. At the stab at his sudden appearance however Mihael's smile dimmed significantly until it was no longer a smile at all and Light's own amusement had all but disbursed.

"I gotta tell ya something Light." Mihael murmured uncomfortably. "After all the bullshit I do kinda... see ya as a friend and if you were doing the same to L I would do the same thing."

Fists tightened over coarse blue sheets. "What are you talking about _Mello_?"

Wincing at the sudden shift of name, the usually verbose blond who spoke without thinking most times tried to chose his words as best he could for once.

"You know L always had his doubts about you when it came to fidelity..."

Light felt his breath hitch as Mihael's bright blue implored that he understand so that he wouldn't have to say what they both knew what was coming.

Light instead closed his eyes and nodded his head, needing to hear what it was the blond-haired undercover agent had to say.

"Light…?"

"When?" Came the strangled reply. Mihael sat down at the edge of the mattress and put a hand on Light's leg as if to comfort him.

"A week ago."

The silence that came after was long and painful for both men; Mihael had never seen Light so placid and numb and Light had never seen Mihael so sympathetic and nervous.

Nervous for him or nervous for his employer however?

"It doesn't matter," Light finally choked out as evenly as possible "because we never really got back together anyway. And it seems it was just as well. He can do whatever the hell he wants with whoever the hell he wants. I'm not going to reproach him that."

"Light but that doesn't excu-"

"But thank you." The brunet held back tears as he gave the tiniest of smiles to the undercover investigator, happy to know that despite everything Light still had one more person who he could consider a 'friend'. "The fact that you came here and told me this makes me happy; I think of you as a friend too."

Mihael rubbed the back of his neck, obviously embarrassed to show even this much emotion towards the young man he had grown to respect, even if reluctantly.

"Yeah, well I would've done the same for L and… shit, after all the crap he's put you through about this shit he should've known better. Um… I guess if you need anything you can give me or Mail a call; you know our cell phone numbers."

"Same to you." Light concurred. Holding out his hand as Mihael's feet hit the ground and began to shift towards the door, Light swallowed the laugh bubbling up his throat as the usually boisterous blond stared at his appendage as if it were a ticking time bomb. Cautiously gripping onto Light's hand they both smothered down chuckles as the other man seemed just as nervous about the shake as the other.

Nothing else was said as Mihael gave the boy a mock salute and exited the room with a smile. It was a shame that L had done what he had done but it had given Mihael a chance to see Light for the person he was and he couldn't help but like what he saw.

Now it was only a matter to seeing just how things would turn out from here on in…

Once Light was sure he was alone he let the small smile leave his face and turned over on his side, plump lips falling open as the tempest of emotion threatened to overthrow him entirely until there was nothing left to feel and there was nothing but a blank slate.

* * *

"You're awake." L smiled as he entered the room, a large plant (_not flowers thank God_) cradled within his hands.

Light gave the man a small peak through dark feathery lashes before turning back on his uninjured side and closing his eyes, not quite comprehending the heavy block now settled over his chest once L entered the room all smiles and light-hearted laughter.

Fingers clutched onto pale white sheets-

'_You knew it would end this way_'

Trying to keep the younger man from going under-

'_Why did you invest yourself in a failing mission anyway?_'

But not succeeding in the slightest.

'_He isn't in love with you…_'

"Light?"

'_Just what he thinks the two of you should be_.'

The heart monitor began to beep at an erratic rate as L rushed to the college student's side, not sure what was going on inside the 21-year-old brunet's head or body and fearing (_as always_) the worst.

'_Whatever you're looking for he can't give you_.'

Nurses pried L away from Light's still form as his eyes flew open and a blank canvas was all that Light would let out even as the endless questions, pitying stares and gentle hands attempted to coax him into calmness.

'_And whatever he's looking for… well, what makes you think you even have it?_'

Tense muscles slowly loosened as a robust nurse nodded at one of the doctor's entering the room and injecting something into Light's IV-

'_That's what you get when you let your heart win over your head Light…_'

And every sound, every bit of noise and color and living and non-living object was lost in the oblivion of Light's drug-clouded mind.

* * *

Being in the apartment that they had shared bought none of the happiness that Light had at one time felt.

In fact he felt _suffocated _being in its mere presence.

L shared none of his discomfort, hand tightening over Light's bicep in an authoritative gesture that belied the other man's fear of the younger man leaving.

"You need to rest. The bed's all ready for you to get comfortable in."

Barely giving the older male a secondary glance Light made his way inside and nodded, the look on L's face a mixture of confusion and outright petulance.

Without one single word Light stumbled his way into the bedroom and dropped onto the bed, hiding within the multitude of sheets and pillows, a stray tear managing to track its way down his cheek and land in a tiny pool on top of the pillow smashed against the tired face that had forgotten what it was like to actually _rest _instead of just _sleep_.

L, for once, kept his distance as he felt his own will break bit by bit by bit.

* * *

"L, I'm fine."

Light rolled his eyes as he bent his back and smirked at the satisfying crack that echoed in return.

"I'm at the house… why the hell would I lie about being at the house?"

With each day that passed it seemed that L could only become all the more protective of the younger man still confined to bed rest (_though that was more L's suggestion than the hospital's_) and Light was steadily and very quickly getting sick of it.

"I'm not going to go anywhere! No! So what if I spoke with Mihael and Mail, they were worried! And Mikami too!"

Each word was imprinted into Light's mind like a tally; _how many accusations would it take before he would actually break?_

"Listen, I have to get back to work eventually so if Misa or my boss needs to speak with me I'm not going to just _avoid _them!"

Truthfully this imprisonment hurt more than L's actual infidelity; as if the lack of trust was bad before, now that L had learned how 'easy' it was to fall into somebody else's lap he distrusted Light's 'lack' of control even _less _now.

"You can't keep me in your apartment forever and we both know that if I really wanted to leave I could whenever the hell I wanted to _even right under your nose_! Like hell I need to stay with you if I don't want to, leaving is ALWAYS an option!"

As if Light had the problem with _cheating_.

L had known what he was like but still Light had thrown away all causalities and been the one to stay loyal; even whilst they hadn't been together!

What did that say about their relationship?

How could there even _be _a relationship?

"I'm hanging up now, bye."

_There couldn't._

Staring down at the phone on the table the confused brunet felt his fingers clink nervously against each other until the sounds of flesh meeting flesh faded away and the pale beige of the ceiling became blurry at the edges and Light pretended it was only because of dry eyes and not the contradictory.

* * *

Light stared down at the medication in front of him, the pills all bright in color and sitting on the counter waiting to be swallowed.

'_You should take these._'

His hand didn't even move.

'_They'll help you forget._'

There were a lot…

'_You need solace._'

His stomach felt queasy…

'_Why don't you take at least one?_'

Like a pit was being dug right in his abdomen…

'_Aren't you hungry? You should take these and then go get something to eat._'

Why did his stomach feel like it was burning?

'_You'll feel better soon_.'

Blinking once to get the dryness out of his eyes Light stared back down at the pills-

'_I promise_.'

Only to find them gone.

Sitting down on the chair next to him, Light laid his head down and simply waited for them to kick in to effect.

'_I promise…_'

The sound of a phone ringing off in the distance ruined Light's search for oblivion. The continuing racket began to echo loudly within his ear drums until the injured young man carefully stood up and made his way to the electronic contraption annoying him.

Even as his eyesight wavered, Light continued forward until gray plastic was held against his ear and the word hello had already made it past his lips.

* * *

L narrowed his eyes as he entered his apartment, the whole of space completely and utterly silent. Wincing as he heard his own footsteps echo within the spacious kitchen, L kicked off his shoes and made his way into the living room, which was equally as silent.

"Hello?" The detective called out, ears pricking to pick up even the slightest of sounds. A muffled curse from inside the closed bedroom reverberated through the hallway leading into the enclosed space, as if the person inside were… _crying_?

"Light?" L burst through the bedroom door, not knowing what to expect but always managing to expect the unexpected nonetheless.

Destruction greeted his gaze, a small bundle of red, brown and beige huddled in the farthest corner away from the rumpled sheets, dismantled mattress and shattered picture frames now scattered on the floor like disregarded remnants no longer needed to live.

"W-what happened…?" The detective breathed out as he carefully stepped over the wreckage, eyes widening as splotches of brownish-red coloring were matted all over his roommate's once-white tee-shirt and green lounge pants. Dried tracks of tears discolored rivulets of Light's now pale cheeks and chin as honey-brown eyes darkened into inscrutable molten amber, glossy and lost amidst the ruins in front of them.

Light continued to sob as he cradled the phone against his chest, the normally tanned locks of hair matted and tangled against sweat-soaked skin. L, who could hardly stand the sight, reached forward without even thinking twice.

"Light… calm down and talk to me…" L's milky white appendage was shoved away before it could make its target, the 21-year-old scurrying against the wall in a panic, phone dropping from his grip and scattering onto the floor with a loud clatter.

"Don't TOUCH me!" Hands pulling at smooth strands of hair, the panicked expression only intensified at the blank expression now set on L's face. "I… I've gotta go."

"Light, you don't have to go anywhere. Besides, where would you go and why?" L calmly stated in his carefully constructed monotone, already devising ways to restrain the college student before he could get very far.

"I JUST GOTTA GO!" Light screeched taking the older man off guard long enough to slip past him in a fumble of quick feet and nimble limbs.

Racing past the pair of hands reaching for the fleeing brunet rushing through the door and out of the apartment complex, L's legs propelled forward and nearly tangled over each other in their haste.

Within seconds Light was gone from the apartment, L once again left to wonder if chasing after him would even solve anything (_or nothing_).

* * *

Light pushed his way into the crowd of people surrounding the large glass doors beckoning him entrance, clean and freshly dressed after a pit stop at his family's apartment _away from L. _

Rushing to the help desk, a bored looking gray-haired woman greeted the twitchy man, obviously already expecting the worst.

"Please… I'm here to see a Sachiko Yagami… she was admitted here-"

"Relation?"

"Son, Light Yagami." Light huffed out, pushing and pulling random pieces of hair away from his face.

After typing in the name and getting the information she needed, the older woman gazed up the brunet in newfound sympathy and smiled. "She's in the intensive care unit right now but I can phone you in once we get some new information in."

Light nodded solemnly as he turned away and plopped into one of the many available seats within the ER, toying with his cell-phone as he waited for his little sister to greet him-

"_Light Yagami…?" _

"… _Yeah?" _

"_Uh, this is Samuel… I work with your mother over at the school…" _

"_What happened? Is my mother alright?" _

"_Light… you're going to need to get to the hospital as soon as possible, your mother was just involved in a hit in run-"_

_Click. _

For once the person who had to do all the waiting.

* * *

"I don't get it." L swallowed another cup full of tea, the only thing he had been ingesting for the past three days after Light's incredible blow up. "He just… exploded."

"And you say he was holding the phone?" Mail flicked his goggles away from his eyes as he stared over at the shaken dark-haired investigator.

"Yeah…"

"Have you tried calling him or any of his family?"

"Yeah," L once again answered. "No answer from any of them."

"Gee, I wonder why." Mihael muttered under his breath. "If you were less busy being an asshole and spent more time trying to understand your little mockingbird I'm sure you wouldn't be _in _this situation now would you?"

"And what is thatsupposed to mean?" The snarl was carefully hidden underneath the porcelain mask of boredom, the lilt of L's voice non-existent and stoic.

"You can't bullshit a bull-shitter L-I know what the fuck you did and so does Mail!" The excitable blond screeched, ignoring the wide eyes growing wider and the sound of ceramic tipping over against wood. "And guess what? So does _Light_!"

"You… you _told _him?" Were the first words out of L's mouth, not even knowing what it was the Mihael had told his ex-lover/best-friend, but as always fearing the worst.

"What, did you expect us to keep it a fucking secret L? You _cheated _on him! That's not something you can just sweep under the rug and forget all about!"

Without another word to either men (_or another glance at their calculating stares_) L stood up, ignoring the large tea-stain on his plain white shirt along with the mild burn accompanying it.

The twisting stab within his chest was no doubt much, much more painful.

* * *

"Mom!" Light wheezed out as he barged into the hospital room, Sayu flailing behind him after a good four days of waiting, pacing, starving, _worrying_… "Mom…"

"Baby…" Sachiko weakly grinned as Sayu pouted beside her oldest son. "Babies…"

"Mama…" The youngest person in the room trembled, slowly walking forward as if any step rushed would cause the woman on the bed to disintegrate into dust. "Mama we were so worried…"

"Come here…" Sachiko breathed out, her arm wrapped awkwardly against her chest and side obviously heavily bandaged underneath the hospital gown. "_Both of you_ come here… I'm going to be alright. Now get over here and give me some love!"

Sayu laughed, watery eyes spurting tears as she trampled over to the bed and carefully gave her mother a hug. Light, however, stayed stationed where he was on the other side of the room, obviously petrified of the thought of even _looking _at his mother let alone touching her and tarnishing her in some way.

Sachiko was not having it however. "Light get your behind over here and give your mother a hug."

After a moment of internal debate Light dragged himself to the bed but still hung back, fingers twitching against his lengthy sleeves. Sayu subtly pushed the older man forward, smirking back at the glare she received for her efforts. Sachiko smiled genially as Light propelled himself forward, calloused hands gently clasping onto his mother's shoulders and down her forearms until his forehead briefly touched the nape of his mother's neck and he gulped.

A warm soft hand came up and brushed the golden brown strands of unruly hair that fell forward, giving Light all the comfort he needed and vice-versa.

"I'm ok…" Though hurt Sachiko still found it within herself to give instead of take; Light wondered how someone could be selfless, or, in fact, how someone as selfish as him could have been a part of this woman at one time.

"What am I supposed to do?" Light beseechingly muttered against aging skin, confused and struggling to not panic at the sensation as _he _was usually the one sitting in the hospital bed and his mother tearfully attempting to reach him. "I can't even _help_ you like this."

"You can help me. You _can _help me." Sachiko whispered. "Sayu, give Light and I a moment please."

Sayu gave her two most precious persons a once over before leaving the room, not wanting to upset her mother after everything that had happened but curious as to what she had to say to her older sibling. Once only Light and Sachiko were left within the room, shaky hands pushed the younger man off of the exhausted mother only to find themselves clasped between two younger but just as equally unsteady palms.

"You need help Light." The brunet began to shake his head, obviously read to dispute any wrong doings on his part but his mother shook her head, not willing to hear any of it. "Ever since your father past away, you've been a different person Light. It kills me to see you like this, so unhappy, so willing to throw your life away. And for what? You're so young yet all you see is everything that's wrong with this world. I've never been able to provide the needs you've been crying out for but I'm willing to put my foot down now and _beg _you to see someone for this. That's how you can help me Light. That's all I want you to do."

Light felt his legs begin to tremble, his usually unshakable demeanor gone without a trace.

Where was that unfeeling persona he had attached to himself for so long?

Why was it that he still _cared_?

"You could still be happy Light…"

"You all made me believe that with L and look what happened. He made me feel so much; that he was the one that I could forget _everything _with and he threw it back in my face too many times to count. I just have to admit it… this whole time, what I felt; it was only just a dream…" Light whispered brokenly. "I don't want to blind myself anymore. I don't want to _feel_ like this anymore."

"But you can still make it a reality don't you think?" Sachiko smiled as she laid a hand over Light's head. "Do this for me and I'll never ask anything of you ever again Light. And maybe you won't have to dream anymore hm?"

Light didn't answer back, eyes muddled with promises that he intended to keep.

His silence said more than words after all.


	9. Teeth

A/N: Why, hello readers. :)

First off, kudos for those of you that have made it this far. It's an accomplishment now consider it as much. ^.^

I did plan for there to be epilogue(s) to this story but I don't know if it would be better to post them both here and on LJ or just on LJ. Honestly I feel bad enough when I think of all the readers still holding a candle for me to return to ffdotnet and letting me know so! Darlings, you remind me why I keep writing and every day the leap back becomes shorter and less unimaginable. I'm posting the rest of this story aren't I? XD

This was the longest chapter to date. 36 pages filled with nothing but Hari-Aisu-Stubborness, which is worth a lot. :D And if you're expecting a boat-load of angst then you just haven't been paying attention to what this story is really all about. Really. REALLY.

Love ya babes. ;)

**Warnings: **Discussion of adult concepts, lime-ish yaoi of the yum-tastic kind, shounen-ai (boy-love), warm fuzzies/some type of fluff that I honestly didn't know existed in my writing world (sort of lol), a tiny bit of angst and issues dealing with addiction and withdrawal. I know, WHAT A HARDCORE CHAPTER! -.-;

Disclaimer: I don't own "Teeth" by Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga or any part of "The Fame Monster" album which, obviously, belongs to Lady Gaga. Death Note belongs to its respective writers/artists and I am just burrowing their characters to give them the mind-fuck of their love-lives. Obviously no money is being made off of this lovelies :-[ but don't I wish! Lol

* * *

"_Got no salvation-_

_(No salvation)_

_(Got no salvation…)_

_Got no religion-_

_(No religion)_

_(My religion is you.)_

_Take a bite of my bad girl meat!_

_(Bad girl meat)_

_(Take a bite of me boy…)_

_Show me your teeth!_

_(I'm a tough bitch.)_

_Got my addictions_

_(My addictions)_

_And I love to fix 'em!_

_(And I love to fix 'em)_

_(No one's perfect)_

_Take a bite of my bad girl meat…_

_(Bad girl meat)_

_(No one's perfect)_

_Show me your teeth!_

_(I just need a little guidance…)_

_Tell me something that'll save me, _

_I need a man to make me alright!_

_(Man to make me alright)_

_(Just tell me when it's alright)_

_Tell me something that'll change me, _

_I'm gonna love you with my hands tied-_

_Show me your teeth-_

_(Just tell me when)_

_Show me your teeth-_

_(Open your mouth boy)_

_Show me your teeth-_

_(Show me whatcha got)_

_Show me your teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth!_"

-"Teeth" by Lady Gaga

* * *

Title:_** Teeth**_

* * *

_-Before Trauma-_

* * *

"_Dad? What are you doing?" _

_Soichirou blinked as he glanced up from the miniature piles of paperwork stacked neatly on his lap and desk, glasses hitched over the angular point of his nose. Golden-brown eyes identical to the officer's own narrowed in brusque judgment. _

"_Mom said you couldn't bring any work to the house this weekend." Light snapped head tilted back in a childish fit of defiance. "You're supposed to be spending it with your _family_." _

_A light sigh of resignation was Soichirou's only response as he pulled out a large manila folder from his suitcase and crushed straggling papers into its large mouth. Glinting glasses reflected Light's despondent face curdled with frustration, wrinkled displeasure highlighted by the youthfulness of the child's features blatantly ignored by the only adult within the room. _

"_Forget it! I… I'll just go tell mom you're not feeling well. Keep reading your stupid files if it makes you happy!"_

"_Light!" The older man called out, lifting himself off the chair as stray obsidian curls of hair fell over the older man's eyes._

_Light stomped out of the spacious study, curled fists planted by his sides in resignation without another word. _

'_Why even try if you don't even want to be here…?' _

"_Light?" Tiny fingers grasped at Light's own small hand as he rushed down the hallway and attempted to make his way into his room. "Light, where's daddy?" _

"_He's busy Sayu, talk to him later." _

_Chubby cheeks puffed out resolutely. "But mama says his job is callin' him!" _

"… … _Study." Light murmured. _

"'_Kay!"_

_The door was shut with a gentle patience that belied the violent maelstrom of anger boiling within the 8-year-old's chest. _

* * *

Part I

* * *

"You look tired." Sachiko absently commented as her son entered her room, her tiny figure drenched in sky blues and pure white. "Were you up all night because of work again?"

After getting the approval from his mother that yes, he was physically (and mentally) able to get back to work, Light had spoken to his boss and managed to procure his spot back in the retail circle, the new semester quickly approaching with only a certain amount of money in his bank account for the necessities necessary to exist while studying.

But with work came the abhorrence of late night hours, especially when you worked in a department store and the holidays were in full swing.

"Yeah… but I'll sleep when I get home. How do you feel?"

"Ecstatic. I will probably be discharged this coming week." The dark-haired mother grinned though the expression darkened as the doctor's previous words from earlier that morning slithered into mind. "But the doctor says that I shouldn't begin work until I'm finished with my physical therapy for my left leg and back and that could take up to six months, maybe even more."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Light quietly reassured. "Just concentrate on feeling better and I'll take care of the rest."

"Like always?" Sachiko muttered bitterly under her breath.

Tan skin rippled as Light sat next to his close-to-slumbering mother and nodded, not the least bit reticent in doing so.

"Like forever if need be…"

* * *

A large bottle filled halfway with a smooth golden brown liquid he knew to burn stared back at charcoal gray eyes, the contest winner long decided before the game had even begun.

L, who looked barely fazed as he blinked, shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the bottle, unscrewing the cap with a nonchalance that was tempered only slightly by trembling hands. The auburn-colored drink was swiftly poured down the drain, not even a wince or grumble escaping those thin chapped lips.

It was only as the empty bottle hit the counter did L fully realize just what it was he had just done, eyes widening even further than normal and mouth circling into a small 'o'.

Not even an hour later another bottle of golden brown liquid sat still on top of the table, L's hands folded neatly on his lips as he, instead of staring at the bottle, concentrated solely on the glass cup now sitting next to it.

"Ouch!"

* * *

"Mom! Stay there!" Sayu held up both of her hands in a caution motion, dropping the suitcases that had been gripped between thin fingers. "Light and I have got this!"

The only male of the group nodded solemnly as he opened the door and pushed both the luggage and his sister inside, lanky strides rushing towards the older woman waiting impatiently by the staircase they had just made their way up.

Sachiko smiled her thanks as she furrowed her way into Light's half-embrace and carefully hobbled into their apartment.

"So…" The crop-haired woman started as she made it over the threshold, legs quivering a small bit with each step they took. "Have you found a place yet that suits your needs?"

Light's mouth thinned as he shook his head.

"Is there any way I can help son?"

Another silent, if resolute, shake of the head.

Sachiko frowned, nodding her thanks as the now-taciturn brunet sat her on the couch as if she were made of glass and slipped off her shoes, laying her legs over the well worn cushions to give her room to relax.

"Have you heard from L then?" Sachiko gently prodded, knowing partly just what was on her son's mind.

A twitching lip about to stretch into a grimace shadowed over Light's face before a blank slate took over once more. The silence became heavy with misinterpreted intentions; it was obvious that Light wanted to forget the man existed (_for right now anyway_) and his mother was adamant about the both of them staying together, ruthless in reminding Light just what it was he was giving up in ignoring the older detective.

Almost four years…

There was just too much between them to contemplate right at this moment, not with his almost bed-ridden mother staring up at him with doleful eyes filled with hope and broken shards of love that Light still couldn't find it within himself to truly accept and his own insecurities biting at him one by _one_ by _**one**_.

Their relationship was the last thing the 22-year-old man wanted to think about. It was just too painful to be forced into thought and this kind of pain was not something he was especially equipped to protect himself from.

"He… he called while you were at the hospital but I wasn't in any state to talk to him then." Light softly admitted, face obscured by reddish-brown locks as the suitcases were next to be put away in their proper locations. "He hasn't tried to contact me since then.

"Have you thought about calling him then?"

Brushing back shiny strands of auburn hair with scarred fingers, Light scoffed "Not anytime soon."

"Hmm…" The wise mother hummed, smiling brightly at her oldest child as he made his way up the stairs behind her, bags in both hands.

Though Light did not realize it, he had still left communication open in the future.

Because regardless of how much Light may have grimaced, scowled and growled, he had never actually said '_no_'.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Mihael whispered.

"Yes."

"… You're really sure?"

"_Yes_."

"It'd be better if Light were here." Mail muttered. "He'd know what the hell to say."

"But he's not. And he shouldn't have to be." L sighed. Pale hands handed the large bottle over to his blond friend, eyes squinting in hesitance. "I'm giving this to you in hopes that maybe I won't be tempted to get more myself. I refuse to do this anymore."

"Ok… but what's to stop you from getting more juicy-juice?" Mail scratched his head. "Besides you've never had to deny yourself anything before L and I don't want to see what you're going to be like when you actually do. I don't think this is such a good is-OW!"

Mihael grinned as he lifted his foot from the redhead's now-flattened foot, one hand on the bottle just given to him and the other giving a rather awkward looking thumbs-up.

"This is good for you L. This is exactly what you need to do." The leather-clad blond cajoled.

Mail sighed, rubbing his foot with a half-hearted pout on his lips. Though he obviously did not approve of the method he agreed with his lover; L needed to get sober and pronto.

There was just little doubt in the younger man's head that tonight would end with L in either a bar or liquor store replenishing the supply he had just given away, drinking away whatever resolve he had left.

But he wouldn't burst either Mihael or L's bubble. They would just ignore the common sense he had to offer and continue to flitter away in their stubbornness.

No…

He'd let L do it all himself.

The man needed to be brought down a peg or two really…

* * *

Not even three hours later L found himself at the local bar, three drinks in and not quite sure how.

* * *

"Hey Light! You got a message from L!" Sayu chirped out as she held up his cell-phone, not surprised to see her brother roll his eyes in exasperation and motion the phone away with his hand.

"Don't care." Light muttered, the computer screen in front of him filled with numbers, numbers and even more telephone numbers. "Busy."

"But…" A forlorn frown accompanied a crinkled brow, dark brown eyes filled with misery. "I haven't seen him in forever. Can't you just listen to it and see what he wants?"

"Sayu…"

"You weren't the only one to get close Light." Sayu whispered. Pushing the phone to Light's ear, the high-school student didn't even flinch at the distorted snarl thrust her way. "Just… listen. Please?"

Snatching the phone out of the teen's hand and into his own, Light pushed 1 on his speed-dial and listened through his voicemail's introduction, his insides squirming even as his outward appearance was nothing but a picture perfect vision of apathy.

"_You have one message; first message sent today at 3:45 p.m.-_"

"_Hello Light. I know you may not wish to speak with me at the moment but I have been severely worried since you left home last month. If Light could please simply call to let me know he is alright it would be much appreciated._"

Light grit his teeth, knowing L had purposely spoken in third person to incite his softer side; a side only L and his family knew.

"_I know… I know you know what happened and I'm sure me trying to convince you that I'm fixing it will not mean much but I am truly sorry and I will do what I can so that it may not happen again. Trust lost is not easily gained back but if you are willing I will fight for it just as I fought for you._"

Biting the side of his cheek, Light wondered just what it was L was trying to fix. His non-existent infidelity? That was not something that could be fixed, and besides that they had not even been together at the time.

'_He doesn't mean… his drinking?_'

Light couldn't believe it if it was the truth.

"_Tell Sayu and mother that I miss them as well please. I honestly don't know how I am lasting without all of you to remind me that I have… had a family. I abused it, Light, and it's only now that I realize that fact. But enough of my blathering. I think I have spoken more now than ever. If you deign it so please call me or see me. I would simply like some peace of mind._"

"Light?"

A gaping mouth and bugged out stare certainly wasn't what Sayu was expecting as the phone dropped from her brother's ear and landed right on his lap. Tanned scarred fingers pulled at dark amber bangs, eyes downward and full of befuddlement.

"_End of message. To repeat this message please press one, to save it in the archives press nine-_"

Sayu shut the phone, tossing it on the table with a careless toss that belied the worry lines around her mouth. Shaking her brother's arm in an attempt to shake him out of his stupor, Sayu shrieked as she was pushed back and the phone was caught within Light's tight grip once more.

Five times Light listened to that message and the strange confusion slowly melted into a worriment that had even the younger girl gasping with worry, glad that she had pushed her brother to listen to what might've been a neglected cry for help.

* * *

L knew the signs of detox.

The pain.

The confusion.

The rage.

The sickness.

Staring down at the report with double vision really wasn't such a great idea…

"L?"

The distorted investigator blinked as he glanced over at the door through glassy eyes, a mop of silvery-white hair spun in recognizable curls and eyes darker than his own sleepily stared at the man he called a mentor. "Are you alright?"

"Fine…" Luckily the word had not been slurred or L was sure he would have been mobbed and pushed home faster than he could believe. "Just a bit tired…"

"Just let us know if you are feeling too sick to work." Nate, ever the perspective if not entirely socially-competent one, made his way out of the office after that, not one to play babysitter like Mail and Mihael were.

Staring at the door for a mite second more than what was considered appropriate, L attempted to decipher the mess of letters and numbers scribbled in front of him. Normally they were clustered together in a neat array that belied the sloppy detective's demeanor but no amount of legible handwriting was going to make it through L's nausea and migraine.

"_**Could we fix you if you broke?**_"

L's eye twitched as he stared down at his cell-phone, wondering when Mihael would have time to tamper with it when usually he was so _careful_-

"_**And is your punch-line just a joke?**_"

When he _wasn't _detoxing off dangerous substances that completely decimated one's liver and brain.

"_**I'll never talk again… oh boy, you've left me speechless. You've left me speechless, so speechle-**_"

"This is L." The man whispered into the receiver after snapping it open, earpiece not even touching his appendage as milky-white fingers dangled the phone next to his ear.

"_I gathered that from the number I dialed._"

The slumped back straightened with a crack, office chair nearly whirling as L dropped down from it and stood up, the room spinning violently thereafter.

"Light I… don't feel so well." L slurred, burn of vomit stinging his throat as his eyesight dimmed at the edges before they blacked out altogether, L's body hitting the ground just as his consciousness flew away with it.

Light's voice carried over from the phone scattered on the cement floor, the sound echoing for a split second until the light of the cell-phone brightened for a split-second only to dim once again-

_CALL ENDED AT 12:53 P.M. _

* * *

_-Mid-Trauma-_

* * *

_The plot was very deep. _

_That had been Sayu's first words once they had reached the space their mother had chosen to bury their father within, large dark eyes scarred but still so very impressionable for a four-year-old. _

_Light himself could only agree. _

_His dark suit was complimented on by all of the women and the men had patted his shoulder with sympathy; one had even dared to reach to ruffle his hair in the same manner his own father used to but had stifled the urge at the murderous expression the small child had lit their way once their hand's destination became clear. _

_No one would touch his hair like that. _

_Not the way his father used to. _

_Not ever again. _

_A group of faceless women circled the grieving widow and sobbing toddler as the coffin was finally brought over, the hearse's sleek and black doors parting like the gates of Hell, only Cerberus was not who awaited the spirit's entry but Light instead. _

_Spindly hands grasped the wide-eyed brunet by the shoulders and pulled him away from the plot as the men settled the coffin over the machine set in front of the marker, ready to lower the casket into its proper space. _

_Head tilted back, Light's dim amber eyes met bright blue. _

"_In times of grief and loss, moving forward does not necessarily mean letting go of what has been left behind." _

_The priest gave the tiny boy a timid smile and a pat on the head, eyes reflecting the bountiful sky above them. Grateful that no heavenly spiels ripened with abolished sins and cacophonies of misplaced blessings bloomed forward, Light returned his eyes to the lowered casket and held back his own despair. _

_In the face of misery apathy was his only shield and he would use it well in the coming years._

* * *

Part II

* * *

"-ear me, L?"

A strangled gurgle filtered the air, Mail's voice identifiable through the foggy blur of sound clogging the incapacitated man ears.

Tan fingers poked and prodded L's face, the feeling smothered by the numbness within his limbs which unsettled him yet could not truly incite him to move away.

"Shit, he… out li… a light!"

'_Light…?_'

"… balance?"

Worried blue eyes wavered in and out of focus, blurred by movement and what had to be vertigo. L's head spun unbearable as his body was moved upward, hands shaking even more violently than before.

Why did the ground seem so much closer than before?

"Get him out of here!"

Closing his eyes in an attempt to block out the headache-inducing light, L didn't even hesitate to lose himself into the comforting darkness. Panicked voices transformed into white noise which blessedly fell into instant quiet.

And then, there was _nothing_.

* * *

Those were his curtains.

Dim gray eyes blearily made out the atypical pattern of the tapestry, surprised that he wasn't surrounded by blinding white walls and annoying machines.

Luckily his migraine was gone but the nausea that had been plaguing the 30-year-old for the last two weeks was still (_unfortunately_) present.

Two fingers thumped his temples, the pale wrist in front of his eyes mocking him with the dark infinity sign plastered against it. L smirked as he was reminded of the recent acquisition of body art, the whim having been nonsensical and given into in a fit of loneliness and too much inward contemplation.

_Clack_

Turning his head to the side, L felt his ears prick almost instantly.

_Clack_

So attuned to the silence his apartment had manifested after Light's last departure, the sound of _noise _actually _hurt_.

_Click click clack_

Though his pair of legs felt like jelly and the feeling of numbness that accompanied the sleepy limbs began to prick with pins and needles, L managed to make it out of his bed and to the source of the odd noises soundlessly.

Past the bedroom and through the empty living room, blaring white lights spilled from the kitchen, the sounds becoming louder the closer L became to the source. Trying to keep his exposure and panic wrapped behind his usual apathy was harder than usual but not as difficult as the ill-begotten investigator expected it to be.

Though that illusion was shattered seconds later as a long thin form covered in skin-tight clothes stood in front of his sink taking care of the mountain of dishes left in L's wake, shiny crimson-tinted hair hanging a bit longer over broad shoulders as uncovered forearms scattered with old scars moved with the intent of cleaning, drying and putting away.

Mouth dropped open and eyes wide with shock, L couldn't hide the shock even if he tried.

"You…? You're really here?" The older of the two breathed out, causing the young student to spin around, hands still soaked and covered with soap. "Li… Light?"

"Were you expecting somebody else?" The familiar reproach was so unexpected it almost felt as if the last month hadn't happened at all. "What the hell else was I supposed to do when you, from what I was told, blacked out while talking to me and then got a screaming Mihael on my case not even five minutes after the fact?"

L felt his jaw become unhinged, quite sure that if it wasn't attached to his skull that it would have met the floor at this point.

"Get back into bed, L." Light rolled his eyes. "The doctor should be here any minute."

* * *

"Malnutrition along with dehydration… do you know if he suffers from insomnia?"

Light stared down at the body on the bed, silent and unaware.

"Sir?"

"Yeah." Tawny hands curled through raven-colored knots. "He does."

"Here's my recommendation; if he truly is detoxing he is going to need a program to go with his attempt at sobriety." The doctor stated plain as day. "Physically his body and mind are going to do whatever possible to get that substance back into his body since at this point it feels as if it cannot function without it."

Light opened his mouth to say something but the doctor quickly beat him to it, obviously not done with his tirade.

"Trying to quit without some sort of inpatient OR outpatient program almost always leads back to addiction. I can prescribe him something to help settle his stomach and any over the counter pain medication should help a bit with the headaches but the addict in him is what's dangerous here not the physical ailments." Keeping his eyes directly on the hand still wrapped within L's quirky hair, Light nodded in understanding, not wishing to make the doctor believe that he was not taking this as seriously as he was. Make sure to keep pumping him full of liquids and try to get him to rest as much as possible. Insomnia plus ailments plus detoxification always lead to disaster."

"Are you the only one looking after him?"

Light hesitated for a moment.

"Sir?"

"Y… yeah." Inwardly, he was cursing himself. "Yes sir."

"Tell him what I told you and get this guy into rehab. I don't think you understand just how serious this is going to get-"

'_I do…_'

"Without the proper treatment-"

'_Been there, done that…_'

"And if he has been drinking for as long as I think he has then it's only going to be worse for his body and mind-"

'_Why do I keep doing this to myself?_'

"And God knows just what an addict is capable of doing to themselves and everyone around them just to get their next fix." At Light's impatient stare the slim doctor stiffened, offended at being so obviously dismissed. "Here's the prescriptions, monitor his usage of them and keep your eyes on him at all times. Other than that, good luck."

Wiping a cool wash cloth over L's head Light proceeded to inwardly kick himself repeatedly as the doctor made his way out the door.

Leaving Light alone with only his thoughts and an incapacitated twitching detective over his lap.

'_Here we go again…_'

* * *

The usually brightly lit living room echoed with shadows, the shades drawn down and all signs of light diminished completely.

Well, all except one.

Head buried within his hands and legs shaking with unease, Light honestly had no idea what he was doing nor _why_.

It wasn't his civic duty to be here, that was what common sense was screeching at him at the moment. One phone call and he could leave and no one would be the wiser. Mihael would have to suck it up and Mail would not say a word-

Just onephone call really.

Just _one_.

One that he knew he wouldn't really make.

"I must be out of my mind."

The words were creaky and old, dusty with familiar aches and pains but tinged with a new resilience that painted their speaker in a… whole new Light.

Light spent the rest of the night ruminating his fate, wondering why he wasn't as resentful (_or regretful_) as he thought he would be.

* * *

"I missed you." The words were garbled and barely coherent.

Light bit his lower lip as L stared at him, eyes obscenely large with sleep deprivation.

"L, that's the mental instability talking." The near-exhausted brunet murmured. "You just miss having a body in your bed and somebody to take your frustrations out on."

A moment of silence.

"… … did you even believe yourself just now?"

Bronzed fingers pulled against midnight-black snags of hair. A light sigh. More tossing and turning.

Nothing seemed _right_.

"No." The criminal-justice major whispered, voice aged far more than his 21 years of age afforded him with. "Not one bit."

"Is Light still angry with me then?" Childlike words tinkled with insecurity, L's own instability was crippling to even look at; this wasn't the man he fell in lo-

Light bit his tongue.

Those were thoughts he couldn't decode yet.

"Go back to sleep L."

Magically, the older of the two didn't even put up a fight, closing his eyes as sleep's laden arms wrapped him in their cold cocoon. The congested rumbling of breath was the only indication that bedroom was being occupied at all.

* * *

"Mmph." L gurgled as he turned his head, smothering his face within Light's lap. The college student rolled his eyes as he swept his gaze over the hundreds of words piled upon the pages of his text back, wondering why he chose such a taxing time to do his assignments.

"Stop moving around." The younger of the two commanded, the soft lilting voice warbling the demand and turning it into something much softer. "Can't concentrate when all I feel is you trying to blow raspberries on my stomach and tickling my thighs."

"Light can do his homework later," was the smooth reply "I demand attention now."

"I didn't realize you were the center of the universe, L."

L didn't even bother to comment, his response already expected _and _received. L, however, did not expect the accompanying fidget as Light turned the page, fingers twining around aged paper shiny from lamination.

"I have an appointment tomorrow." Fluttered eyelashes pulled upward in a coy fashion, bright brown eyes targeting the clingy detective with a warning stare. "I wanted to know if… you wanted to come home. I don't like the idea of you staying here by yourself when you're like this."

The grin that lit up the laconic man's face didn't seem to accommodate against his features as well as it should have but was just as blinding as it used to be. The years had been kind on L's eternally youthful visage but the past year's onslaught of problems had not. His age was finally showing and Light, who had at one point laughed at the thought of staying with a man so much older than himself, became endeared by the tiny laugh lines around L's mouth and faint crow's feet edging at the barest part of L's wide charcoal-colored eyes.

"Home?"

"Yeah," Light agreed absently "home."

* * *

After a near boisterous Sayu barreling him with all the "sisterly" love he could ask for and a quiet Sachiko staring at him with motherly glee, L felt drained already and he hadn't even been there for a half-an-hour.

Sayu, who had been appalled that Light had not informed him of their mother's accident and condition (_secretly L had held his own tirade, promising a load of mental mind-fuckery on his part when he saw Light again after his cute little "appointment"_) proceeded to give him the whole story, filled with theatrics and wild hand gestures.

Sachiko's ever-exasperated sighs told L which parts were fabricated and which were clearly spot on, or in Sayu's case, as spot on as they could be.

"Sayu," the eldest in the room smiled as the youngest practically spun around in her seat and gave her mother her full-fledged attention. "Would you mind giving L and I a moment. I have something I wish to discuss with him without prying ears and eyes."

"But-"

"_Now_."

Without even an 'eep!' Sayu leapt to her feet and made it to her room in record time, knowing that when her mother used _that _voice that there was _no _arguing with her whether she was physically incapacitated or not.

"How are you dear?"

Sachiko's voice softened back to its original lilt, reminding L that though this woman was a caring mother she had also raised the rough-and-end individual that was Light Yagami. She would not tolerate lies and could smell deceit a mile away, if only because she had taught herself to do so. Rough around the edges after years of a raising a former gang member and trying to keep her daughter safely unknowing of that fact, Sachiko Yagami though not inherently tough had taught herself to be so, and that was worse than being born so.

L shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling absurdly naked in front of the ginger-colored gaze so similar to his ex-lover's.

The mother that L never got to have growing up was here, waiting for him to come apart when she was the one in pain (_in more ways than one_) and even though she was not perfect, she was still willing to be _his_.

"Ashamed."

"Come here son."

Holding off the scoff, L made it to the couch without hesitation and allowed her to pull him into her arms.

As much as he wished he could scorn the day Light came into his life he knew he couldn't.

How could L hate him when unknowingly Light had given him everything he had ever wanted?

* * *

"C'mon in Mr. Yagami!"

Light felt the corners of his mouth twitch as he entered the plush office, multiple chairs aligned along the room so as to promote as many options (_and to most likely examine personalities based just on seating arrangements alone_) as possible for comfort.

Discarding his usually arrogant gait Light carefully stepped into the room as if it were full of land mines; for once not moving in to manipulate and disregard but actually willing to say what he needed to say without any platitudes attached to those thoughts.

The pale-eyed man in front of him didn't even bat a lash as Light chose the chair directly in front of him (same as always) and stared right back into his gaze, direct and unflinching.

"Good afternoon. How can I help you today Light?"

"I have been coming here for awhile now and I just… I think something's happened but I can't figure out what."

"Light?"

"I just think that something's wrong with me." The psychiatrist smooth hands picked up their pen and immediately began to write as Light leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes.

"Why do you think that?"

"I…" Hands clenching plush leather, the doctor nodded in encouragement. "I just do."

"This wouldn't have to do with your ex-boyfriend would it Light?"

Light's left cheek twitched, body sliding forward and mouth opening in explanation. "I've been… doing things with him I shouldn't but not regretting them… it doesn't hurt to look at him anymore and I don't know why."

'_He makes me want to be a better man._'

L's face did not leave his mind's eye for the rest of his hour long session.

* * *

"Don't you three look cozy?" Light affectionately mocked. Three bodies sat comfortably against the couch's cozy pillows, staring at Light with varying looks of welcome. "Hate to break it up but I think it's time to go, L."

"May I… may I stay here a bit longer?"

Light smiled behind his hand, coat strung against the rack faster than either man believed as L's voice rumbled behind him.

"Move over!"

Sayu shrieked as Light plopped right on her lap, shoving him towards L who immediately wrapped his arms around the younger man's hips and kept him in position.

Light's lips caught L's earlobe in a teasing bite, playful in good nature. "You can stay here as long as you want."

The goofy smirk did not leave L's face for the rest of the night.

* * *

"_Hello… my name is L and I'`m an alcoholic._"

Those kinds of words just _didn't _seem to string together as well as they should have.

"I don't do AA." L snapped.

"And I don't _do_ anybody who is fucked up and doesn't want to admit it. What a pity."

"I freely admit I am not the most _balanced _of people. Now come here and put out Light."

"Like _that _is going to happen." Light muttered unhappily, the new book strewn on the table seeming to be far most interesting than L's useless tirades. "You know you're about two seconds from going out and getting stinking drunk. Why not just go out and do that if you're not even working on bettering yourself?"

"… … I never thought I'd be getting this conversation from _you _of all people."

"I might be emotionally retarded but at least I have the proper backing to fix that. You don't even want to admit that you're an alcoholic whereas I am already seeing a doctor from my mountain of fucked-up-ness and trying to fix it."

"Touché."

Light smirked. "Thank you."

"On the other hand I have gone threeand a half weeks without drinking…"

"While I've been watching you like a hawk," Light meandered.

"And I think that deserves some kind of reward…" L continued as if Light's interruption hadn't occurred.

The fingers that had been running across the lines of the pages halted.

"Just what do you think we are?"

L blinked.

"Are we even together… I don't understand this at all. I don't…"

Light stood up and walked into the bathroom, door shutting with an abrupt snap.

L on the other hand stayed where he was, now utterly, utterly confused.

* * *

L cleared his throat as he felt a long fit body mold itself against his back, pointed chin tucked against the nape of his neck.

Instead of pulling away, he snuggled closer.

This was as close to an apology as Light would ever get and even though he didn't exactly get what Light was apologizing for or what the spontaneous freak out from earlier came from, things were a lot better now.

L would be damned if he missed an opportunity to hold onto something _real_ for once.

* * *

"You, Mr. Yagami, are not that difficult to figure out."

Light's jaw tightened closed, eyes narrowed and dangerous.

"You keep people away from you by deluding yourself that you are the problem. Commitment terrifies you because your own father couldn't keep his own, not with his family and most especially with you. Having to rely on someone, anyone, is beyond your control and that's the issue isn't it? Control."

"You hide behind your well placed smile and speak pretty words to throw people off your scent. You hate to admit that your human, even when your scars are on display for everyone to see, but each time you survive you boost yourself as if you're more. Better than others because you've survived and continue looking for more. Pain is your drug."

"What are you trying to say" Close to standing up and walking out, Light held on. He needed to hear this, a voice pleaded with him. He needed to take these words to heart. He needed to _not_ be oblivious for once! "That I _like_ to get hurt?"

"You, Mr. Yagami, are a masochist in the purest form. You thrive off pain, both mental and physical but thread away from it emotionally. At least, from other people; you torment yourself emotionally enough as it is." The doctor in front of him didn't even blink as he said all this, the neutral expression far more useful than even Light could have anticipated. "That is why any relationship you enter will fail. The thought of someone else toying, even unintentionally, with your emotions terrifies you so much that you become a virtual wreck before the actual train wreck happens. You pick your partner apart; pluck out every problem until leaving seems like the safest option."

"Bullshit."

"How many relationships have you had in your lifetime Light? Not counting one night stands."

L stood out foremost in his mind.

The doctor's spectacles fell over the bridge of his nose in just the slightest of motions, hazel eyes growing darker at the image.

"What am I supposed to say? I'm-"

"Dangerous? Or just frightened?"

Light's mouth clicked shut after that comment, eyes taking a faraway gleam to them.

Knowing his point had landed a little too close to home for Light, Dr. Kurosaki ended the session abruptly. Though his patient was frustrating to the point of hair-pulling, he was also extremely sensitive and naïve to the point of ridiculous underneath all that built up hardness.

After this session, he knew he would have to proceed speaking with Light Yagami with _extreme _caution.

Light, on the other hand, wasn't even there anymore.

It seemed he had more to think about than he originally thought he did.

* * *

_-Post Trauma-_

* * *

_Light coughed violently, small droplets of blood splattering beautifully against the milk-colored sidewalk alongside the muddy handprints left behind by his left hand. _

_Hand clutched to his side, the 14-year-old high-school student stumbled fretfully through the alleyways, vision clouding with pain and oncoming shock. _

_It was the first time he had ever been jumped by himself. Hell, it was usually him doing the jumping; the fact that somebody had gotten the start on _him_, that somebody had taken the time to target _him _and was _successful_…_

_This would not go unpunished. Not by a long shot. _

_Already putting the numbers together in his head and the list of suspects into order, Light stumbled onto his stoop, blood still dripping down his side in variable globs even as his hand shakily applied more pressure to his wound. _

_The blade had been a lucky strike but Light couldn't afford to let anymore "lucky strikes" pass through his defenses. His mother already suspected enough as it was, he didn't need her to see him like this…_

_Sitting on the highest stair of his apartment complex, Light sighed in relief as no doors opened or random neighbors appeared at the wrong time. _

_Though it was three o'clock in the morning so what did he expect?_

_Leaning his head on the pillar of the large staircase, Light closed his eyes. _

_Sleep came slowly, like the blood still dripping through his fingers and holes of his clothes and numbing cold settling on the fringes of his unconscious mind. _

* * *

Part III

* * *

"You never answered me earlier. Where were you when I got home?" Light nonchalantly questioned as his body dipped lower into the cushions of the couch, the movie playing in front of him ignored in favor of just-returned company.

L sighed as he rubbed his temples, the words in front of him blurry.

Another migraine had come.

And of course Light picked just right now to have this conversation.

Where the hell was the Excedrin when he needed it?

"I didn't realize I had to." L snapped. The pen in his hands trembled within his perilous grip, raggedly scrapping lines all over his case-notes.

"It was just a simple question. I didn't realize that I would be bothering his majesty by asking!"

"Well, you aren't my guardian nor are you my keeper. Hell, you're barely my friend. I _don't _have to explain anything to you. Now let me do my damn work in peace."

Light peered over his shoulder, L sitting rigidly within the wooden chair scraped dangerously close to the dining room table, fingers ticking at all the wrong times and mouth trembling at just the right instances.

Inside, he was raging.

Outwardly, Light showed no emotion at all.

L turned to the next page of his notes.

Light turned his head back to the television.

They both passed the night without another word, endless conversations passing without a single sound being uttered.

* * *

"Have you thought about what facility you want to start your sessions at?" Light yelled out from behind his laptop, wincing once he hit a snag on his paper.

"I don't think I need it."

"And I don't think I need to be staying here but here I am… _still here_." Light smirked as he got back on his train of thought. "Seems you'll have to join the "I don't wanna but I have ta'" club once you start your sessions and suck it up like the other big boys that live in this hell-hole."

"Are you even giving me a choice?"

"Is that seriously even a question?"

"Can't you be a bit more ambiguous about it at least?"

"Would you rather the truth or a lie?"

"And here I thought you were the nice one."

Light gave L the blandest stare he could possibly muster.

"Nice… er?"

"You're getting warmer at least."

"Better hot than cold."

"Tell me about it."

* * *

"I've never seen him this worked up about something before." L quietly admitted behind his cup of sweetened tea, fingers quivering against the colored porcelain. "Light is quite adamant that I see some type of counsel if I wish to continue my sobriety. I don't see why, I've gone a good two months without a drink, I am absolutely positive I can continue to go longer without one as well."

"L, you are a detective correct?"

The dark-haired young man hesitantly nodded at the older woman sitting in front of him, short strands of graying black pushed back whilst the ever-present mothering smile disappeared from his companions aging lips.

"You, a man who works with research and has seen what addiction in any form can do to people who have at one time seen themselves in the 'highest moral standing' question how this can affect you? You? A man who has seen the worst of the worst and still manages to keep his wits about him _except _when it comes to _alcohol_?"

The tea cup met the small table with a loud clack, coaster vibrating from impact.

"If you pardon my saying so, I am not that weak."

"Then why are your hands still shaking L?"

The ever-present motion of trembling digits and palms took the younger man off guard, not having noticed the restless appendages till now. Light would always stare at his hands out of the corner of his eyes while in his company but L always made sure he had something to occupy his time so as to not have to question why that surly gaze was upon him again and again and again.

Obviously Sachiko was not above simply pointing it out, pushing forward where her son would only ceaselessly stall.

"It is not a weakness to be fluent in one's flaws," Sachiko whispered against the rim of her teacup, "but to ignore one's follies will always aid one's downfall."

"Hm." L hummed as he brought his thumb up to his lips, gently gnawing the appendage without a second thought.

Perhaps some re-visiting of thought would be necessary after all…

Sachiko hid her triumphant grin behind a dainty hand, eyes glowing with satisfaction.

* * *

"Perhaps you're right."

L felt his eye twitch as a set of plates hit the floor, Light's shocked countenance almost enough to make up for the over exaggerated (_possibly_) surprise.

"… _What?_"

"Perhaps," the pallid detective began as stoically as possible "it would be to my benefit to seek someone out to assist me with my… _problem_."

For a moment there was nothing but silence within the apartment as L waited for Light's response which seemed delayed by the still-there astonishment upon the college student's face.

"Do you want to see my list?"

L almost smacked himself in the face at the (_satisfactory, manipulative, loving?_) giddy smile dripping off the auburn-haired man's lips.

Something told him that Light was going to have too much fun saying-

"_I told you so…_"

* * *

Charcoal gray eyes met crystal blue as the stare down of the century seemed to take place within a second's time.

"Do you know why you are here Mr. Lawliet?"

"Because my ex-boyfriend cum roommate told me come here?"

Quillsh Whammy didn't even twitch as he marked something off on his notepad, the clinical setting reminding L eerily of his old orphanage.

"You are here because you wish to be. Any other reason and you might as well not be here at all." L almost snorted but held himself back… barely. "Do you think you have a problem Mr. Lawliet?"

Though L's mouth dropped open to answer, no sound was released from his lips.

The scratching of pen against paper echoed within L's ears as his mouth stayed open and yet no words were able to escape them.

* * *

In order for Light to come to terms with his relationship with L, there were certain things that needed to be established, certain questions to be answered and most importantly certain rules to be abided.

The only problem with that was that L had _always _loved to push Light's boundaries in return, so much so that those rules eventually were broken and a new set had to be constructed just so Light's sensibilities weren't ricocheted off the walls and L had a new game to occupy his time after the old game was won and became old.

Even though they weren't together, old habits were so very hard to break.

"L, get _off _ofme. Now!"

_Rule Number One: Minimal to No Hugging Unless Absolutely Necessary. Meaning CRISIS AND CRISIS ONLY!_

"But Light, I have had a stressful day. That doctor you had me see was relentless in his pursuit of information." L pouted (_yes, __pouted_) as he held onto Light with a grip of steel.

"I'm sure with you being as defenseless as you are that you didn't give him a run for his money." Light snidely returned, his free arm slowly winding around to meet L's tight embrace.

L bit his lip, his thumb too far to contemplate abusing (_and the way Light silently relented to his touches made the want to obsolete regardless_) and curled around the lithe young man like a serpent trapping his prey.

_Rule Number Two: No Groping of Random Body Parts. Period. _

Hands, which were still very shaky, trailed up Light's sides, pinching and rubbing in certain spots that L knew made Light purr like a kitten and gasp like a maiden in distress until they reached their destination, one right at the small of the younger man's back and the other on the side of that gorgeous long neck.

Lukewarm breaths trailed over golden skin as lips barely caressed the flesh at its disposable, the hand that had been comfortably settled low on Light's back trailing even further down and pushing forward.

_Rule Number Three: No Kissing. Just… No. None. At. All. _

Light blinked as he found himself looking down at L instead of up, thighs straddling thighs, chest meeting chest, and most importantly, lips only centimeters away from lips.

Bleary gray eyes usually masked behind a cold façade warmed a tiny bit, trailing over Light's worn features, youthful but still full of strife age had nothing to do with. A tremulous thumb brushed the plump lower lip belonging to the younger man, pink flesh begging to be gnawed and suckled as they are plowed through over and over…

"Don't." The brown-eyed college student gasped out, fingertips brushing against L's lower lip.

_Don't cross this line._

L didn't think of (_or ignored_) the meaning of the word and nipped at the end of the appendage, nudging it out of his way. Surging forward, opal pink lips latched onto that plump piece of flesh that had been taunting him and mentally gave a sigh of relief.

Nothing made the older man feel better than kissing these lips that bought him great satisfaction yet simultaneously caused him equal amounts of strife.

'_You are the sweetest poison I've ever tasted…_'

Inadvertently, Light allowed the detective entrance after a particularly rough nip but managed to stifle his own moan as a familiar slick appendage caressed his tongue and followed its every movement in a slow drawl.

Breathing heavily through his nose, light brown eyes stayed open, charcoal gray impressing their own need as pale arms tightened their grip and kept Light as close as possible.

Even as their lips broke apart, bodies were kept intertwined, boundaries fully collapsed around them.

Burned bridges were never truly forgotten but the falling cinders kept floating around the two semi-able-bodied men, suffocating the remembrances of pain until the only memory was the one their forgetful bodies still kept close.

A passing thought about rules floated through Light's mind but a quick flick of a hand and a faraway moan brushed the empty words off until they were nothing but a flicker of a memory left to be ruminated another day.

Rules, especially Light's rules, were always meant to be broken.

* * *

"Light," L glanced around nervously, only recognizing half of the guests within his home "what is going on here?"

"I wanted to celebrate your first step towards _real _sobriety."

L gave the man a blank stare, the smirk on Light's face not fooling him in the least.

"What?"

A person L had never met before walked by them with a beer in one hand and a shot glass filled with gold liquid in another.

"You said you were doing so well that you didn't need any more of your therapy remember?" Light grinned. "I just wanted to give you the party you deserved in honor of your… quick recovery!"

Which translated into: _Let's see how long you can last before you're doing keg stands by the window. _

L internally gulped.

He didn't even give himself 20 minutes.

* * *

Light's grin faltered as he watched L disappear into the crowd, the usually spacious apartment obviously not used to accommodating so many people.

He didn't even give L 20 minutes…

But luckily for him Light would be there to catch him before he fell.

* * *

His thumb was going to be mutilated by the time the man in front of him was finished with the large glass of amber-colored liquid the same color of Light's eyes when he was exceptionally happy.

Either that or his brain was going to implode from the amount of pain reverberating through his skull, senseless whispers cooing into his ear.

"_Just a little…_"

"_Who would know?_"

"_Just a... sip?_"

"_You know when… to stop…_"

"_Right?_"

The gentle nibbling from before became an outrageous gnaw, skin peeling away from nail as droplets of blood hung from both his lower lip and the ripped flesh he was still feasting upon.

The man in front of him wrinkled their nose in disgust, setting the glass back on the mini-bar and backing away from the bloody display L was unknowingly giving the whole room. Ready to chomp down to the bone and not even realizing it, the pale-skinned alcoholic wondered if just _one taste _would really be so _bad_…

Golden fingers pried the hand away from L's mouth before any more damage could be done, the investigator jumping up in surprise. Light's chocolate-brown eyes (_that color meant he was disappointed, but disappointed in what?_) narrowed just a tiny bit, showing enough displeasure at the action that nothing need be said.

'_Prove that I'm right_.' Is what that gaze truly pleaded '_Look at yourself. Is this really what you want?_'

L sighed.

"I suppose the party's over" The baritone-voiced man regretfully complied, "in more ways than one."

Within minutes the tawny-haired college-student evacuated the apartment of all drunkards and miscreants, some much more hesitant to leave all the free booze than others but still easily disposed of.

L stared at the empty glass on his bar-counter, absently wondering if one taste, just _one taste_ was ever really worth the risk.

* * *

Although others would have lamented his position (and many more would have been ecstatic) L was not in either category.

Arms stretched out over his bare torso, golden skin still smoothed out with vitality, L contrasted his own features with Light's as the aforementioned man stayed quietly in his slumber.

The stale scent of sex was not present nor was the stickiness sweat afforded one with after a particularly vicious romp. Instead of the emotional haze that only clouded over the detective's mind after a passionate night of arguing and fucking he felt strangely relaxed, for once not numbed by any form of release but that of being as close as possible to the closest person L had ever known to really _love_.

But what was it to love? At times, it felt like a fantasy catching at the tips of his fingertips. Nothing was perfect and all the imperfect ions of their relationship didn't make him as ecstatic as those characters in the epic love stories his mother used to read so long ago or the movies that Mihael made him watch when he and Mail visited his home out of the blue (_and who would have thought Mihael even liked romantic comedies anyway?_). Trying to keep up with their romance was tiring, obnoxious and something most people couldn't take.

L even wondered how he managed to keep up with it most days.

There was nothing beautiful or grandiose about their love. No declarations of the "When Harry Met Sally" kind and most definitely nothing stringent or concrete. Everything about L and Light together was made up of maybe's and sort-of's. But for two people who knew what life was really like, what it was to lose so much and appreciate what little they still have, even something as wavering as emotion was analyzed and kept close.

Even on the first night, it had not really been about the sex. Sex was something you could buy, sell, offer, be given on a whim. But the electricity of compatibility and the equal want for something more (_even if Light said otherwise, if he hadn't wanted more than he wouldn't have given L his number in return_) was rare especially among two men so easily bored with everything and everyone around them.

Bonds were not easily made and L and Light's bond was especially difficult to break.

Dark gray eyes lazily blinked as the body on top of their own shifting closer to the warmth beneath it. Chilled fingers stroked the strong expanse of healed-over skin masked as ugly scars, wondering what others would say if they could see the ugliness Light hid within, both inside and out.

Smirking in satisfaction, L prided himself in being the only one to ever see each flaw meticulously hidden within that body in full, not to be disguised by clothing or some superficial lie Light could fabricate in response to what he considered to be prodding.

* * *

Quillsh Whammy blinked as he stared at the young men sitting in front of him, the planned intervention not going _exactly _as he had planned.

"I'm not getting what it is you are trying to say Mr. Lawliet."

"Exactly."

Light rolled his eyes, obviously not buying into L's "sound logic".

"You don't get it so how are you supposed to be charged with helping keep track of my sobriety _because _you don't get _me_?"

"Addiction, I am afraid, is easily identified between many people Mr. Lawliet because of the similar, if not exact, symptoms within people, and though there are different degrees of addiction withdrawal symptoms and the process of continuous sobriety is usually sketched the same as it is what most, if not all, go through in the same way." Glancing over at Light, Quillsh stifled the growing grin on his face as the smirk stretching across Light's lips signified that he had probably said the same thing before and more than once he could bet. "Mr. Yagami, L has informed me that you recently held a… party in his honor?"

That smirk became just a bit bigger and a lot more vicious.

"Indeed I did Mr. Whammy." The youngest man in the room leaned forward, obviously pleased with his actions. "It was certainly a learning experience for your dear patient."

"More like a torture session." L mumbled in between clenched teeth.

"That too!" Light chirped happily. "That… definitely."

"And did that not show you how severe your addiction could be Mr. Lawliet?"

L's eye began to twitch erratically in response.

"Mr. Yagami, I feel as a clinician that you staying with Mr. Lawliet is a good move at the moment but there will be a point of time in which I assume you will want to leave. Have you thought of how that might affect L in the future?" This time it was Light that looked distinctly uncomfortable instead of L, who though still irritable looked a bit better now that the focus wasn't directed entirely on him. "Do you plan on staying there indefinitely or is there a time table that you wish to have in place? I can't guarantee that I'll feel comfortable leaving L alone after say, a month or two, but you seem to have a positive influence on his want for sobriety and I'm sure that even just seeing you would be beneficial to his continued abstinence to alcohol."

"I… haven't really thought about it." Light reluctantly admitted.

"It is a lot of take in at once. I have to say, you've done a fantastic job up until now." The white-haired old man smiled congenially, eyes closing absently as a sign of comfort. "I just want to make sure that L will be stable even after you're gone Mr. Yagami. You are a strong influence on how he continues his work ahead of him after all."

Fingers clenched tightly over rough jean material.

'_After you're gone…'_

"Right." Light muttered, nodding absently. "Right…"

* * *

Light was almost afraid to look at the paper.

Dr. Kurosaki smiled.

"Seriously?"

"You act as if you're leaving jail after years of confinement." The psychiatrist wryly grinned. "You are free to go if you think you are. And honestly, you won't hear any complaints from me."

Skepticism was sketched all over Light's face.

"My number is right there," thin fingers traced the line of numbers, not even shaky with indecision "and if you need a recommendation for a certain program, I have a series of numbers for you to contact right here. As of right now, however, you are a free man Mr. Yagami. It's been a long journey but I think eight months is more than enough in your case."

"Ah… yes. May I… may I ask you something before I leave? It may seem silly but… it's been bothering me for the last couple of weeks and I need somebody else's input that isn't my own."

"Of course."

"Do you think it's possible to be in love with someone but still not believe in it at all?"

Dr. Kurosaki snorted a bit but smiled.

For a man so well-versed in pain and loss Light's confusion when it came to love was childish but understood.

"If it was, you would be doing a _wonderful _impersonation of it Light."

* * *

Light, who had been strangely quiet since his last trip to his therapist's office just a week back, managed to take L off guard once he found the voice he had suspiciously "lost".

"L? Do you think we're compatible?"

L blinked as he dropped his case-file onto the table, feet hanging precariously off the couch cushions whilst Light's head was perched awkwardly on his right thigh, pen twirling absently through his fingers.

"Compatible as in relationship-compatible or personality-compatible?"

Light thought about the question for a moment. "Both?"

At Light's question L heaved a breath, taking a moment to collect his thoughts as the torrent of information and, most importantly, _memories_, sputtered forth to provide an answer that L was both comfortable with and supplemented as much truth as he could muster.

"I think personality-wise that we are both always likely to bump heads because we are so much alike but, graciously, we _like _that about the other. Stubborn, always want to be right and need to have the last word in regardless of the fact of whether we are right or not. We both like to manipulate other people and do so well; honestly, if I weren't so attracted to you I could have seen myself as your best friend and vice-versa." Dark strands of hair fell forward as L leaned in and brushed a tiny kiss on Light's forehead. "Relationship-wise, I think we falter a bit. I choose to be more introverted about my emotions until I burst whereas you choose to lie and deceive in order to keep people at a distance. We argue but it is not the arguments that bother us but the big things we try to hide…"

"Why do you think we can't seem to get over each other?" Light turned onto his side, face closer to L's crotch without really realizing it (_and L really couldn't find it in him to complain_).

"Light, we never choose who we love." L deadpanned. "Do you think I _really _would have chosen you?"

"Well do you think that I…" The exclamation fell short, Light catching exactly what L had intended as the offense fell to the wayside. "That isn't going to make me say it."

"Today, Light." Humming under his breath, L preened. "Tomorrow, however, is always another day."

Light quieted down immediately, mumbling to himself every now and then.

Threading his fingers through Light's auburn-colored locks, L couldn't hold back his smile.

'_Tomorrow is always another day…_'

* * *

"Stop it!"

"Light, I just want to see!"

"I think the both of you may be distressing your mother…"

"Give it back!"

"Mom said I could look!"

"No she didn't!"

"Light… just let her look."

"Since when are you on her side?"

"I did not _say _I was on Sayu's side, I simply think that as you are older and much more _mature _you should not sink to her level."

"What does that say about _you _then?"

"And what are you trying to say about me L? That I'm immature?"

The sound of an older woman's chuckling the distracted the two men and young girl on the couch from their argument, the camera that had been the cause of all the trouble tumbled out of both Sayu and Light's lax hands and onto the carpeted floor.

"I'm thirsty." Sachiko patted her throat to add to the statement, voice slightly raspy from dehydration. "Would one of you-"

"I'll do it!" Sayu and Light stated at the same time, getting up and marching into the kitchen without so much as a second glance back.

"L, would you please follow them and make sure they do not break anything?"

The now-healthy and normal-looking (_or as normal as L could ever look_) detective nodded once before following the two siblings into the kitchen, exasperation dripping from his expression as easily as the smile he attempted to veil behind a well-placed thumb to his lips.

"I can get it, Sayu!"

"No, you'll just make it all fancy and expect her to care! Get her some freaking water and that's that!"

"Well I'm not getting it from the damn tap!"

"Um, seriously? How do you live with this L?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! How did you?"

"The both of you are going to drop the glass if you keep fig-"

_CRASH! _

"-ting."

"…"

"…"

"That was totally you're fault."

"Hey!"

Sachiko smiled as she stared out the window in front of her, bathed entirely in the rising sun's bright glow.

Broken dishes aside, it was nice to have her family back.

* * *

_-Repose-_

* * *

_Steel-colored sheets pooled down Light's waist as the body spooned against his back shuffled closer to his person, left leg curled around his own as the accompanying arm squeezed the lithe body closer than before. _

_Instead of feeling suffocated or abhorring the loss of freedom to his limbs this afforded him with, Light smiled and dug himself deeper within the older man's embrace. _

_Minutes passed and Light, who couldn't recall a time where he did not fight his slumber, allowed his unconscious to sway him into the world of his dreams and hoped that when morning came this same swell of comfort carried him back into the land of the living. _

_Just this once he wanted to know what it was like… _

_What it was like to sleep without the worry of waking up to the echoing sound of his past screams and tears. _

* * *

"_I want your love and_

_I want your revenge; _

_You and me could write a bad romance._

_(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!)_

_I want your love and _

_All your lovers' revenge; _

_You and me could write a bad romance. _

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-_

_Caught in a bad romance…_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-_

_Caught in a bad romance_."

-"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga


	10. BONUS TRACK: Electric Chapel

Author's Note: HELLO LITTLE… UH… MONSTERS?

Or maybe not. ^.^;

Here's the long promised epilogue… This would have been up a lot sooner but my computer decided to crash and I had to re-write completely. I'm honestly not too sad about it as this version is 10,000 times better than the last one was! I thank Lady Gaga's album "Born This Way" for this flash of inspiration. Between "Bad Kids", "Electric Chapel", and "You and I", I knew exactly how I had to finish up this piece.

There may be more "bonus tracks" in the future but as of right now BAD ROMANCE IS DOOONE. See the triple O? That makes it super-duper done. XD

I hope you guys enjoy and please, if you see any typos, grammatical errors and the like be kind and let me know. :D I am rusty at this writing thing and could use all of the con/crit I can get.

Warnings: EXTREME NON-WARNINGNESS. BE CAUTIOUS OF THE LACK OF ANYTHING WORTH WARNING ABOUT. Honestly if you've made it this far you deserve this epilogue honeys. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note nor do I own "Electric Chapel", which was written and owned by Lady Gaga. I am just using these things for my own personal amusement, which in this case, is quite tasteless and fluffy.

* * *

"_My body is a sanctuary, my blood is pure,_

_(Doot-doo-doo, doot-doot-doo-doo)_

_You want me bad, I think you're cool, _

_But I'm not sure…_

_(Doot-doo-doo, doot-doot-doo-doo)_

_Follow me, don't be such a holy fool!_

_Follow me I need something more from you._

_It's not about sex or champagne you holy fool._

_(Doot-doo-doo, doot-doot-doo-doo)_

_If you wanna meet me at Electric Chapel…_

_If you wanna meet me at Electric Chapel…_

_If you wanna steal my heart away_

_Meet me, meet me baby in a safe place. _

_Come on, meet me_

_In Electric Chapel_."

-"Electric Chapel" by Lady Gaga

* * *

BONUS TRACK: **ELECTRIC CHAPEL**

* * *

_**02/04/2011 – 3:55 PM**_

_Sayu: liiiiiight_

_Sayu: U CANT IGNORE ME FOREVA BIG BRO_

_Sayu: cmon I wasnt tryin to be all up on ur mojo. maybe if u and big bro #2 would stop breaking up every other week i wouldnt have to jack up ur game on friday nights_

_Sayu: cuz u know… THERE WOULDNT BE ANY GAME TO JACK UP DAMN IT! _

_Sayu: if u dont answer me rite now im gonna tell mom that it was u who spilled the hawaiin punch all over her trashy novels and didnt clean up the mess. _

_Light: DAMN IT SAYU WE BOTH KNOW THAT WAS YOU. _

_Sayu: hi :3 _

_Light: Before you say anything else, no. _

_Sayu: :( but i didnt say nething_

_Light: I already know L put you up to this. No I am not taking you out on Friday, no I am not telling you where I am going, and no I am not going to tell you if I shall be… "macking" on some "dude". _

_Light: So fuck off. _

_Light: Tell L I told him to fuck off too for that matter. Two for one special on the house KTHX. _

_Sayu: well thats just mean. :p and i was just gonna say good luck on friday. _

_Light: Sayu I can see your shifty eyes from here and I'm nowhere near you. _

_Sayu: asshole. I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE MADE YOU GET A FB. _

_Light: Yeah because that's just what I need in life. Another way for both my boyfriend and my little sister to stalk me without me realizing it. Bye Sayu. _

_Sayu: ITS ALL ABOUT THE STATUS UPDATES LIGHT. STAAATUS UPDAAATES!_

* * *

Light almost chuckled as he stared down at his phone, the tiny screen filled with angry emoticons and Sayu's purposeful eye-gouging misspelling. This last semester of classes had been particularly stressful and his and L's usual banter had created many unnecessary fights bred from exhaustion, long cases turned cold and sheer stubbornness. Light's quick tongue and L's brutal words led to things being said-

(_"WELL FUCK YOU TOO!"_

"_Light would do well to remember that I did so last night but I would gladly reacquaint his behind with the same treatment I bequeathed it whilst you were on your back moaning like a whore."_

"_I was faking it like one too!"_

"_Light how dare you!")_

That normally would slide off both their backs but in this case festered true anger at the most trivial of matters.

_("Did you drink the last of the coffee?"_

"_I ran out of tea."_

"_So you couldn't, oh, I don't know, BUY MORE TEA instead of stealing the rest of my coffee?"_

"_I knew Light would buy more of both once I informed him of the most recent of developments." _

"_You've been home all day!" _

"_Working."_

"_On your ass!" _

"_Deducing."_

"_Get somebody else to run your errands you asshole!")_

The hostility within their exchanges had gone from a level of three from the beginning of the semester to about over 9,000 once his final exams had popped right around the corner and Light couldn't even _stand _to look at his lover without wanting to claw his face his off and gnaw on his cold, rotting remains. All it took was one word and Light was either ready to fight the overgrown three-year-old or-

_("Why did you stop?" _

"_I believe the bed-frame shall suffer greatly from your over enthusiasm Light. Let us switch positions before we must explain to your mother why there is a hole in her wall and whose fault it is that she must acquire a new bed." _

"_Graaaagh FINE let's go before I completely lose my interest please!"_

"_How romantic."_

"_Less talking, more fucking please!") _

Or… other… things.

His cheeks felt very hot all of sudden and Light refused to wonder why that was.

Or whether or not he'd ever be able to look his mother in the eye and not want to die of mortification.

Honestly.

_("Do you think your mother will set up cameras in her room from now on?" _

"_Not everyone is like you L!" _

"… … … _I would buy those tapes." _

"_Oh my God I think I need a drink..." _

"_Light be sensitive, there is a former alcoholic right next to you." _

"_Oh shut your mouth!)_

Snapping his phone shut, the tawny-eyed brunet shook his head, deliberately pushing away the burning images now scorching his mind's eye. Light honestly didn't know why L put up such a hassle over his rare nights out. He usually had someone with him (more likely than not Sayu though Light still did not understand how she managed to finagle her way into his company without him putting up too much of a fight) and he never actually went home with anyone.

Light had come to accept that even when he was broken up with the bastard L still lay claim to his behind. Though that went both ways and after the last debacle the golden-skinned ice-prince and made sure that his partner understood that.

And if L felt guilty and was much more susceptible in caving in to Light's wants after said reminding then it was all the better damn it.

Despite the bond(age) the two men now virtually accepted, there were still periods of separation that both decided were essentially needed in maintaining one's sanity (especially if your names happened to be Light Yagami and L Lawliet). After years of thunderous courtship it became a fact:

L and Light could not go through a term of six months to a whole year without at least one breakdown (or many of varying degrees depending on how badly the year was going and whether or not L's caseload was sufficient enough to keep him preoccupied).

It was frustrating but a facet of both of their personalities they could not ignore. L deemed his boyfriend a perpetual drama queen on the best of days and an overemotional psychopath on the worst of them and Light cheerfully pinned sadistic sociopath onto L as one of his favorite terms of "endearment".

But going by the creepy smile that always lingered on L's face after _that _particular "pet name", Light wasn't irritating L nearly as much as the raven-haired detective was Light. L wore his label like a badge of honor.

Who introduces themselves as a sociopathic dominant anyway?

_("What is wrong with you?" _

"_Light?" _

"_I AM NOT YOUR DEMANDING SUBMISSIVE SO STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT DAMN IT!" _

"_That's not what the online quiz said, Light…" _

"_ARGH.")_

Obviously subtlety was not his boyfriend's (_ex-boyfriend's maybe?_) strong suit.

Deciding that tonight would be Mikami's night to have a good time, Light quickly maneuvered his way through the throngs of students clouding his destination, the psychology building overflowing with rambunctious young men and women hoping to run away from their own personal Hell as quickly as possible. The honey-eyed graduate student rolled his eyes in response.

And he thought getting his Bachelor's had been a hassle…

* * *

_**02/04/2011 – 4:11 PM **_

_Light: You're coming out with me tonight. Meet me at my mother's apartment at 10 PM and don't you dare be late. _

_Mikami: Because if I had plans they obviously wouldn't be as important as Light Yagami of course…_

_Light: Do you? _

_Mikami: I said if. I'll meet you at your mommy's, don't worry. _

_Light: Asshole. _

_Mikami: Love you too ;)_

* * *

Gaining entrance to the brand new club downtown after being recognized by one of the bouncers that used to work at the last hot spot Light frequented when he was younger: Eight Dollars.

Handing his coat over to the designated coat person and running off as soon as halitosis hit his face: Two dollars.

Pushing a multitude of screaming women out of the way and ordering a nice large glass filled to the brim with alcohol: Seven Dollars.

Watching Mikami attempt to pick up guys while doing his awkward-dance-routine and continually push up his glasses when he thinks said boy-toys aren't looking: _Priceless. _

Light almost snorted out his drink as the normally-well versed lawyer actually managed to do the robot and somehow still keep his dancing partner from laughing his ass off of the floor.

Though the stunned stupor now carved onto the younger dancer's face did not bode well for Mikami's future attempts at getting laid.

_Did Light mention this was all priceless? _

Before he could contemplate how many ways his platonic date could possibly get rejected Light heard the tell-tale catchy tune of his phone sweltering next to his hand prone on the table, the message tone dispersing quickly as the perpetual bass reverberated throughout the club in sporadic intervals. The name '_L_' flashed continuously along with a tiny envelope.

Light thought about whether or not his night would be cut short-

_("I don't need to be here you know? If you need to explode at someone then try one of your underlings for once." _

"_Why waste time with the paperwork when I have Light here to fulfill all of my needs here?" _

"_Right. See you later." _

"_Hmph. Sensitive today aren't we?" _

"_Go to Hell L!") _

And pocketed the small device without even looking to see what the message said.

Some nights were meant to be enjoyed and Light _really needed this one._

* * *

_**02/04/2011 – 11:05 PM**_

_L: Waiting for you at home. If you're not here within an hour then I'll be seeing you in an hour and a half. Only warning you'll be getting tonight Light._

* * *

Light couldn't remember how he became entangled within the crowd but little mattered once he stepped out onto the dance-floor. Two steps became three and arms were thrown over his head; the swaying motions became outright lewd gestures against his slim hips and pelvis, the quick rhythm trampling any wilting wallflower inhibitions onto the ground and smothering them dead until the music was the victor and Light's pseudo-sexual gyrations were its spoils.

Mikami had sequestered himself into a corner awhile back with a different man than before, this one not having been privy to the shaggy-haired lawyer's awful dance moves and seemingly enthralled by the words spewing out of the older man's mouth.

The bronze-skinned tempter on the floor barely gave them a side-long glance, his attention mainly on the beat and not who his best friend was going home with tonight.

Absently Light was shocked that he hadn't been sequestered by anyone yet by the way the people around him were staring at his svelte form gliding around them, the multitude of strobe lights sliding down his figure in streams of color.

A pair of arms halted the young man's continued journey on the dance-floor, solid and unyielding. White fabric scrunched uncouthly against Light's stomach, making the crimson silk fabric of his shirt wrinkle against his abdomen.

Well there went the shock.

"What a surprise." Light rolled his eyes, not sure why he thought he could go one night without having L kidnap him halfway. "I'm being suffocated by my over-protective boyfriend."

"You did not answer my text. I gave you a time limit. You should have at least read it Light." L murmured against the shell of his ear, the thrum of his voice muffled even further by the obnoxiously loud music playing just behind them. "I believe I have given you a sufficient amount of "alone time" as they say. It is time to go home Light."

Light hid his grin with a quick turn of his head, the flurry of dark obsidian hair obscuring a majority of his face from not just L but a good portion of the club-hopping brunet. "If I didn't know any better I would have figured you were worried about me."

Knowing L was withholding the same smirk on his own face, Light maneuvered his way around until he was facing his steel-eyed lover. The heavy shadows of the club did little to make the almost skeletal detective look much better, the colored lights flashing above them emphasizing the dark shadows under L's eyes and the sharp angles of his cheekbones, nose and chin. Pale skin radiated with a sickening glow, the reaction of being within such an environment and divulging within their usual activities literally infirming the older man in an avalanche of unwanted need.

"Much more worried about myself really." Chapped lips smacked together, barely the rosy-pink shade they were accustomed to as the words slid through the slim mouth and flitted into Light's ears. "Are you ready to go home now?"

It was so easy to forget the good through the bad sometimes…

_("I'm tired…"_

"_Then go to bed." _

"_Will you come with me?" _

"_This case…"_

"…"

"… _Can wait, I suppose. I'll be there in a moment.")_

But Light refused to make the same mistake _twice._

With a small nod and another coveted grin, the young man made his decision clear.

_("Are you ready Light?"_

"_Yeah… Let's go home_.")

* * *

_**Fin.**_


End file.
